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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Its just suddenly hit me...

63 replies

Loveeemydd · 14/01/2021 10:42

I've literally got no one.

I'm a single mum to my DD who is nearly 7.

My mum died a couple of years ago and my dad lives 2 hours away with my step mum. Not close to my siblings.

I can't think of a friend who I would turn to in crisis. I've not got any friends who would randomly message me something funny. I've not got a friend who would tag me in a funny meme on FB. Ive not got a friend who I can rant to and have a giggle with about men and the dates I've been on. I've got no ones shoulder to cry on when I feel low.

I speak to the mums up the school, but I'm literally friends with them cos my child is friends with their child.

My supposingly best friend from school didn't even wish me a happy birthday which wad just before Christmas, and when she found out my mum died, she didn't even message me. When she next saw me she said she couldn't cope with messaging me as she can't deal with death, I'm like but it's my mum?

I feel so low.

OP posts:
Original poster
Loveeemydd · 14/01/2021 10:44

This pandemic doesn't help, but even more it.... I would go weeks not having anybody message me, and when I message them they always say they'd get back to me or the convo goes dead when I try so hard.

OP posts:
Original poster
Loveeemydd · 14/01/2021 10:45

Dd father isn't around either he left years ago and hasn't bothered.

OP posts:
CuntyMcBollocks · 14/01/2021 10:51

I'm sorry about your Mum Flowers Some people are so self-absorbed that they have no empathy for anyone else. I can imagine that you feel very lonely, and lockdown will make it worse. I don't have any practical advice, other than to maybe find a hobby or group where you could make a friend.

Notimeforaname · 14/01/2021 10:53

Hi op! Your post made me sad.
Im sorry you feel so alone.
Know that MN are always here for a laugh,a joke or to complain. But I understand what you mean about being physically alone.
That's really crappy what your friend did.
What about telling her how she made you feel? Do you often speak up to her if you are unhappy or just leave it ? Flowers

Notimeforaname · 14/01/2021 10:53

Also,sorry about your mum op Flowers

Chesthurtsagain · 14/01/2021 11:01

OP, so sad to hear this. This is so tough. Grief for a parent is huge. Be extra nice to yourself.

When life gets a little bit more back to normal you can start to make friends again. (Not with the immature woman who didn’t have the decency to show kindness when your mum died).

With grief you can only take one day at a time... literally don’t look too far forward just focus on your bond with your lovely daughter.

So sorry for your loss. Flowers

cardswapping · 14/01/2021 11:05

Flowers If it is any help, I always forget my friends' birthdays (and their kids', and anniversaries), but I am here for them if they need me.

Keep being open to the world and you will make and keep friends.

NamechangedHelpPlease · 14/01/2021 11:07

I am so sorry you are feeling alone. Flowers

When things get back to more normal, get out and about and make new real friends or just the one. She is not worthy.

tuttifuckinfruity · 14/01/2021 11:17

I'm really sorry.

I have come to realise recently though, that a lot of people are in situations like this. Often just circumstantial, through no fault of their own.

I know sometimes it can seem like everyone is in big, close groups with friends / family, but that really isn't the case.

In fact, there are posts very similar to yours quite often on MN.

I don't really have any advice as such, just wanted to say I understand how you must be feeling, and that you are not alone. As a PP said, keep yourself open to the world and you'll start to meet ppl. Obviously different / difficult just now, but maybe use it as a good opportunity to chat to new ppl online (as that's the only way most ppl are communicating just now), so you can do the texting / fb tagging etc, and then hopefully will be a few of them to meet up with once this is all over.

X

Cornetttttto · 14/01/2021 11:19

Same. This pandemic is really revealing the utter shiteness of life.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 14/01/2021 11:24
Flowers
Ohcomeallyechristmas · 14/01/2021 11:28

I've just moved to a new area and am determined to make friends when I can socialise with people. I'm not naturally outgoing at all and a total introvert, but I am determined to make the effort and really really try as I know absolutely no one. Meet up.com doesn't have any coverage where I am but I have used it really successfully before when I moved to new area.

RedskyBynight · 14/01/2021 11:29

I think a lot of people have more acquaintances (the mums at school in your case) than friends. However sometimes these acquaintances become friends and sometimes they don't become friends but will offer practical support (look after your DD in an emergency for example). I'm not sure that the nice story book ideal of close extended family and a few close friends you share everything with is at all the norm these days. More and more my social contacts are virtual. Sometime advice from a stranger is as valid as advice from a friend.

CatandBaby · 14/01/2021 11:34

I'm sorry OP. I don't know if it helps but I really don't think you're unusual x

CatandBaby · 14/01/2021 11:34

And I'm really sorry about your mum Flowers

Serin · 14/01/2021 11:34

Those women that you talk to outside school, who have kids that are friendly with your daughter?Cultivate them. 20 years down the line, they are my absolute best friends in the world.
Friendships are fluid and evolve, you and your best mate from school have clearly grown apart, and she sounds like a waste of space.
Be extra nice to all the new people you will meet post lockdown, take an Interest in them, ask them over to yours or out for a coffee. Then tell them that you have had a lovely time and make another date to meet again.
Look at volunteering opportunities, things like Brownies or Cubs? So that DD can come as well if you have no one to babysit.
Local churches (even if you are not particularly religious) are often quite social places too and are great for meeting people that might become friends.
If you have transport, you could look at new hobbies as well, there is a community garden near us and a sailing club that welcomes children, or anything that interests you! Even if you font end up making anewbestie, you get to learn a new skill.

Ntwa · 14/01/2021 11:35

Your post made me sad. I'm sorry to hear about your mum. Lockdown does make it an added stress and that's rubbish, it will pass. How did you feel before this whole cv saga?
Did the school mums help or did you still struggle?
I'm in kinda the same boat.
My mum does when I was 11, my dad disowned me when I had my youngest (22yrs ago)
I have the kids, by theyre grown up and live away.
Friends have changed over the years, I'd say I only have 3 close friends but sometimes I feel like they have their own lives. I had a dp of 4 yrs up till recently but I called a day due to us not progressing, spending time with him was amazing but no progression in sight so that doesn't help. Sorry rant over, just you're not alone x

Nanny2many · 14/01/2021 11:45

I think your situation might be unique but you’re feelings are very, very universal. Loneliness is rife I think. I’ve been working with an online therapist to help with my sense of unhappiness, dissatisfaction and grief (my parents are both alive but my mother has mental health issues and nearly died a couple of years ago and it shattered me)

So I would say find a support group or counselling/life coach if you can afford. and then dabble in a healthy amount of introspection.... who am I? What brings me joy? What type of people do I connect with.... etc etc

Dontjudgeme101 · 14/01/2021 11:46

Sorry to hear that op. There is a support group called Gingerbread, my Mum used to belong to it, it’s for single parents and it gives help and advice. That might be a good place to start for you. I googled Gingerbread Support Group.So sorry to hear about your Mum and hoped that you managed to enjoy your birthday too. 💐

queenofSI · 14/01/2021 11:47

sorry you feel this way OP, it’s horrible to be lonely SadFlowers

Lucieintheskye · 14/01/2021 11:51

This might sound daft but I know a lot of people who've used Bumble to find mum friends nearby. There's a friend setting where you can put filters on to find people like you. Even if you just find one person to chat to it might make you feel less alone.

It's okay to not enjoy being by yourself, you don't have to pretend to be okay with it. Hope things pick up for you soon Flowers

Coyoacan · 14/01/2021 11:55

I sounds awful the way you write it, but I think this has happened to a lot of us a different times in our lives and then you meet and fall in with people like yourself and life starts to look up again.

I was single mother and it was particularly hard when my dd was the age of your child, but it certainly got better.

I think the best way to deal with this is to look to see what you can do for other people

Icanseegreenshoots · 14/01/2021 11:56

OP the pandemic is highlighting all of the parts of our lives that are lacking, and this is a new revelation for you.

You have your child, and that is great - and you have the circle of school parents that I am sure you would help you if you needed it. I am pretty sure your DF and SM would also come if you asked. So please be reassured you are not entirely alone in life. You do have some people even if you do not feel close to them.

Your first priority is to make some new friends out of lockdown, take up some hobbies, get a baby sitter and start having a life. You need to have fun, to share good times and bad and deserve friends op.

B33Fr33 · 14/01/2021 12:02

That's a tough spot to be in. You sound very strong that you've just felt this. Isolation can be tough and I am sure feeling this way is happening to a lot of people. Start by looking for a group of people you can relate to online, perhaps through an organisation for single parents, then look at sub groups which will hopefully then be a little smaller so you can get to know people rather than more superficial chat, MN for example is huge so it's not somewhere to perhaps really to make friends. Then perhaps build on that once lockdown is over?

littlepattilou · 14/01/2021 12:07

@Loveeemydd I am soooooo sorry for you. Sad My heart goes out to you having no-one close. That is a hard thing to deal with. And as a few people have said, being a single parent in this pandemic is very hard to deal with.

But please know it will get better. You will meet someone, and you will make friends, and life will get better.

Sending you lots of virtual love and (((HUGS))) Flowers

Please keep chatting on here. There are 100s of us who are happy to talk to you. Smile