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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

You didn't get bacon

84 replies

BarbiesWorld · 14/01/2021 10:41

Its snowing here. A lot. "D"H pissed off to work this morning despite the snow. I finished the usual morning routine and realised we only had 2 nappies left for the baby so took the kids on to the local shop for nappies.

He's had to come home because of the snow and abandoned his car next to a supermarket amd walk the rest of the way home. I'm now trying to get the baby down for his morning nap after a grand total of 3 hours sleep last night (for me) and he's wandered in asking why I didn't get any bacon.

I had no idea he was coming home.
He parked next to the fucking supermarket. If he wanted bacon he could have got some!

Now I've got homeschooling, teething 11 month old and a uni report due next week while he happily slobs about not contributing to family life because "it's a snow day".

WIBU to bury him under the decking?

OP posts:

CleanQueen123 · 14/01/2021 14:01

@supercee

I can't read anymore of these posts. Seems to be constant at the moment. It's so depressing and it makes me weep for these women.

It reminds me to be happy to be single. In fact it makes me more angry at the women putting up with this shit and posting jokingly on here than telling their partners to shape up or jog on.

@supercee I increasingly feel this way too.

I'm a single parent and it's bloody hard work but at least I only have my actual child to deal with rather than a child and a man child who is incapable of living independently.

Shoxfordian · 14/01/2021 14:01

He sounds like a useless article
Send him back out for bacon

IndiaMay · 14/01/2021 14:07

To be fair it is a snow day . I would sack off home schooling and all of you walk to the shops for bacon. Snow ball fight on the way back and then bacon sandwiches and hot choc all round and then a nap. It's only one day

IndiaMay · 14/01/2021 14:07

However he is being a dick

TheRealHousewife · 14/01/2021 14:09

..... passes shovel .....

sqirrelfriends · 14/01/2021 14:21

@EKGEMS

Tell him he's a pig and cannibalism is illegal

Original poster

BarbiesWorld · 14/01/2021 14:26

Well at least I can safely say I wasn't unreasonable in being annoyed.

I had another post a few weeks back about him "helping" with the kids and to be brutally honest, it depresses me when I look at our situation as an outsider.

He's the breadwinner and I'm the lackey and even before uni when I worked full time it was like that. I'd hate to see DD in a situation like this when she grows up but, even though he's a pretty shit dad she adores him.

OP posts:

Original poster

BarbiesWorld · 14/01/2021 14:27

Although, Tell him he's a pig and cannibalism is illegal made me chuckle

OP posts:

user1471538283 · 14/01/2021 14:28

On the very few snow days my DF had (and I had at the same time) we would walk together to the local dairy to get milk for our close neighbours. It used to take hours and I love every minute! Once we were home we had hot chocolate and a jigsaw or game or something together. My DF saw this day as an additional day to spend time with his family.

Only children have proper "snow days" surely?

SomeFucker · 14/01/2021 14:32

I'd hate to see DD in a situation like this when she grows up but, even though he's a pretty shit dad she adores him.

She’ll learn. She will see how he treats you and grow to dislike him. Sometimes children end up in similar relationships they’ve seen their parents in though so it’s important that this stops. And you deserve better. The load should be shared.

Robbybobtail · 14/01/2021 14:35

My own ‘d’h used to do stuff like this but I just started spelling out exactly why I haven’t done it and asking him what his excuse is? Turn it back onto him. For instance he would ask why I hadn’t bought him his special brand of shampoo. Well, for one I’m not a fucking mindreader - how the hell am I supposed to know you’ve ran out?
And two, you work next door to a mini market - why not spend 2 seconds running in and getting some instead of coming home and then moaning at me? I found it staggering that he expected me to remember to buy something, that I don’t even use myself, when he himself couldn’t even remember/be arsed going to buy it.
Also stupid stuff like leaving his socks lying on the floor and snotty tissues by the bed even though I’ve mentioned it annoys me. I just stopped picking them up, and once he realised they were going to get left piled next to his bed he stopped doing it.
As I’ve got older I’ve just stopped doing things for him or even getting myself worked up about it. I just don’t run around after him anymore and he has learnt not to ask. You start to get very resentful IMO.

Don’t just sit and seethe OP, tell him exactly what you expect him to do now he has a day off. I’m sick of reading these lazy-arse men posts.

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 14/01/2021 14:40

ANOTHER ONE.

Why? Why? Why?

CoolCovidCat · 14/01/2021 14:42

Why didn't he get bacon?

WeAreShiningStars · 14/01/2021 15:00

I'd hand him the baby and tell him to step up and do his share. He's not on holiday and you and the children need him to do his share.

FFS.

shitinmyhandsandclap · 14/01/2021 15:04

I bet if you had have got bacon you would have been expected to cook it for him as well?

Lweji · 14/01/2021 15:07

Great opportunity to get on with the uni assignment. Lock yourself in the bedroom.

Original poster

BarbiesWorld · 14/01/2021 15:22

@shitinmyhandsandclap

I bet if you had have got bacon you would have been expected to cook it for him as well?

Oh yeah. In our entire relationship he's cooked about a dozen times

OP posts:

Original poster

BarbiesWorld · 14/01/2021 15:25

@Robbybobtail

My own ‘d’h used to do stuff like this but I just started spelling out exactly why I haven’t done it and asking him what his excuse is? Turn it back onto him. For instance he would ask why I hadn’t bought him his special brand of shampoo. Well, for one I’m not a fucking mindreader - how the hell am I supposed to know you’ve ran out? And two, you work next door to a mini market - why not spend 2 seconds running in and getting some instead of coming home and then moaning at me? I found it staggering that he expected me to remember to buy something, that I don’t even use myself, when he himself couldn’t even remember/be arsed going to buy it. Also stupid stuff like leaving his socks lying on the floor and snotty tissues by the bed even though I’ve mentioned it annoys me. I just stopped picking them up, and once he realised they were going to get left piled next to his bed he stopped doing it. As I’ve got older I’ve just stopped doing things for him or even getting myself worked up about it. I just don’t run around after him anymore and he has learnt not to ask. You start to get very resentful IMO.

Don’t just sit and seethe OP, tell him exactly what you expect him to do now he has a day off. I’m sick of reading these lazy-arse men posts.

What would you have done if you had spelt it out (more than once) and absolutely nothing changed? I'm already resentful. Because baby DS is a complete bottle refuser and non sleeper, he won't do anything with him. Unless it's 5 minutes while I jump in the shower. It's wearing me down..

OP posts:

Robbybobtail · 14/01/2021 15:40

Honestly? I think I’d have had a mental breakdown. As a sahm the bulk of the childcare/night feeds was up to me but he would help if I specifically asked and he could see how knackered I was. Also, this is one of the reasons (amongst other things) why I chose to bottle feed - I wanted to be able to hand the baby over to someone else. I get it’s so much harder when you’re breastfeeding.

If you are spelling it out and he doesn’t seem to care well, I think I would threaten to leave and see if it makes any difference. I think many women stay while the kids are young as they’re so ground down and tired and leaving seems likes a monumental effort - but when the dc’s are grown and you have more headspace to think, everything becomes clearer and the years of resentment often trigger the woman just snapping as she’s had enough, or maybe realising life’s too short to stay with someone who didn’t support you when you most needed them?

If he loves you he should want you to be happy, my own dh can be lazy and strategically incompetent but when I have a go he generally steps up.

Merryoldgoat · 14/01/2021 16:22

@SleepingStandingUp

I honestly want to know what’s going wrong with what boys are learning as children to make them think it’s ok to behave like this as a man.

What about what girls are learning? Why are we raising th to tolerate this crap?

I have three boys. I'll do my best to not raise entitled dicks but I expect any partners of theirs to absolutely call them out if they do act like one.

And if they call and says "mom, Lila keeps moaning. She's home all day with the kids and I work so why does she expect me to do X, Y,Z" I promise to point out I didn't accept that crap from their father and I don't expect it from them

Yes but I’ve said that before too and I’ve been accused of victim blaming 🙄

I wouldn’t put up with that for a second but the responsibility is surely on the person behaving poorly?

Merryoldgoat · 14/01/2021 16:24

@Robbybobtail

My own ‘d’h used to do stuff like this but I just started spelling out exactly why I haven’t done it and asking him what his excuse is? Turn it back onto him. For instance he would ask why I hadn’t bought him his special brand of shampoo. Well, for one I’m not a fucking mindreader - how the hell am I supposed to know you’ve ran out? And two, you work next door to a mini market - why not spend 2 seconds running in and getting some instead of coming home and then moaning at me? I found it staggering that he expected me to remember to buy something, that I don’t even use myself, when he himself couldn’t even remember/be arsed going to buy it. Also stupid stuff like leaving his socks lying on the floor and snotty tissues by the bed even though I’ve mentioned it annoys me. I just stopped picking them up, and once he realised they were going to get left piled next to his bed he stopped doing it. As I’ve got older I’ve just stopped doing things for him or even getting myself worked up about it. I just don’t run around after him anymore and he has learnt not to ask. You start to get very resentful IMO.

Don’t just sit and seethe OP, tell him exactly what you expect him to do now he has a day off. I’m sick of reading these lazy-arse men posts.

What a sad way to live.

I like doing things for my DH and he likes doing things for me.

If a simple conversation doesn’t sort things out then what’s the point?

AryaStarkWolf · 14/01/2021 16:26

Why are you allowing him to sit down and do nothing when his kids need looking after? what a pig, bacon is right

Dizzy1234 · 14/01/2021 16:29

If they find his body under the patio I will give you an alibi 😊

WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 14/01/2021 16:34

The lazy prick can do the homeschooling or take the baby. If he takes the baby he can fit in getting the bacon on a walk.

Why oh why do men use women like this😭

Original poster

BarbiesWorld · 14/01/2021 18:19

@Dizzy1234

If they find his body under the patio I will give you an alibi 😊

Thanks @Dizzy1234 I might need it more than ever after the fiasco that was tea time

OP posts:

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