Page 4 | Why men love bitches

GoldfishParade · 2021-01-12T16:58:56+00:00

Browsing for books and this comes up as a recommendation ([confused]): Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl―A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship. Looked at reviews and one reviewer posted a pic of extract from the book (attached here). Has anyone read this? Is it tongue in cheek?!

Ihatesandwiches · 12/01/2021 18:53

Hope this is appropriate. I'd met now DP a couple of times as he lived next door to a friend of mine. As I was getting out of my car carrying a saw he was leaving his house. He asked about the saw and I explained I'd borrowed it from his neighbour to do some gardening work. He smiled and went off in his car (months later admitting that there and then he needed to know more about the woman with the saw!!!). 4 years later, I still hide behind him during scary films, ask him to get stuff down from the attic, carry heavy things, etc. I now have my own saw as sawing stuff doesn't not appeal to him :-)

Iamthewombat · 12/01/2021 18:55

Things like getting stuff from the top shelf or opening jars isn't macho or sexist or anything else its just being helpful.

I'm shorted (sic) than my husband so its not so easy for me to reach stuff if its high or to open stiff jars or do various other tasks. When I started being a regular at his place he would help get things down initially but then I found he started reorganising the cupboards so I could reach most of the things we used. He'd still helped even thought there were steps. It was just us working together.

If we were out he'd offer me his gloves or put my hands in his pockets (coat) if I was cold. (Usually tell me I should have dressed for the weather). A lot of the stuff seen as being a bit sexist/chauvinist can also simply be seen as someone caring.

You haven’t really got what the OP is talking about, have you? God bless you.

halfeatenhamper · 12/01/2021 19:10

Christ, as if men don't get enough fawning admiration for undertaking everyday tasks

Succinctly put.

cabingirl · 12/01/2021 19:12

I think people in general just like feeling wanted and needed. You don't have to fall into stereotypes to make your partner feel that way.

I mean, you can, but you can also just make sure you appreciate whatever it is they bring to the table in your relationship, whether that's being able to cook a great lasagne or catch the gigantic spider in the bath.

My DH builds better fires than me (sterotypically male skill) and he makes better apple pies than me (sterotypically female skill) - he likes being appreciated for both those things. I now am the best at cooking meat on the BBQ (typically male thing) and he loves that about me - and I like it when he compliments me for that.

The key is working out what they are proud of that they can do and being generous with praise (and being with someone who does it back) - we all need a little ego boost every now and then.

1forAll74 · 12/01/2021 19:16

Most of the men I have known, including my late Husband, have all liked strong independent women. Strength as in many ways, as those who can cope with many things, be resilient, and are not moany and needy types. I don't see any purpose in this kind of literature , regarding Men and bitches etc.

Girlyracer · 12/01/2021 19:17

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. That extract beggars belief.

LadyfromtheBelleEpoque · 12/01/2021 19:36

I think it’s just easier to be single.🤣

Lweji · 12/01/2021 19:39

I don't think women like needy men, so why should men like needy women?

A quick look at the contents suggests that the book is about being financially and emotionally independent. Always a good thing, IMO.

BaggoMcoys · 12/01/2021 19:44

I think those examples are bad because they're telling you to pretend to be scared/pretend you can't do things, just to fawn a man's ego. I know some men, maybe many men, would like that, but I think it's bad advice to pretend to be completely helpless. It's also not really practical if you're planning to spend a life together... Do you have to pretend to be something you're not until the day you die!

On the other hand, there's nothing wrong with letting someone care for you or help you, especially with things you actually struggle with. I think in a healthy relationship (I've never had one so this is theory for me and I may be way off) it's nice for both members of a couple to do things for each other, and help each other. And it's nice for both members of a couple to remember to show appreciation and say thank you sometimes.. it can be easy to start taking things for granted, especially when you've been together for a while.

From my experience of reading these sorts of books, you can get some useful insights and they can also reinforce things you already know, but might forget (like remembering to thank someone, or to make genuine compliments from time to time). But some of it is what I'd call sexist-tripe.. you just have to use your judgement and find a nice middle ground.

Worstyear2020 · 12/01/2021 19:46

Mmm... i do quite a few in the list naturally...

He open jars for me only those i cant, i dont own clothes that need assistance to put on

He walks the dog - alone, i am too busy with kids and chores

I am under 5"2, he reaches the high shelves for me when he is closer than my step stool

He will have to get up to investigate noises at night because I prefer to be in bed

He moves the furniture because he is stronger and I am lazy...

I will look silly if i act scared of a horror movies, i watch loads of it.

I will take dh's coat if i am cold (he can stand cold much better than me)

We are obviously not so romantic!

Worstyear2020 · 12/01/2021 19:48

Dh also deals with all insects in the house too, we don't like creepy crawlies...

Royalbloo · 12/01/2021 19:50

Such nonsense - maybe that's why I'm single!!!

OliverBabish · 12/01/2021 19:55

I think I’d prefer a book on why we need a book like this - something to do with the misogynistic world we are raised in

Yes, it’s great that some women have found something good in it (setting of boundaries, etc) but it would be far more interesting to look at WHY we had to learn this stuff in the first place something to do with men eroding our confidence in enforcing simple boundaries and self respect and oh god here I go

LadyfromtheBelleEpoque · 12/01/2021 20:02

@OliverBabish no, I’m with you here. It sounds as though the women who benefited were women who had skewed boundaries and this book just gets them back to base point with themselves.

And yes, I agree with your reason as to how they became like that.

LionLily · 12/01/2021 21:11

Seriously, that sounds so much like my husband.

Terrified of the dark, wakes me up to investigate weird noises in the night, scared of bugs but brings me the spider hoover to deal with them, really unlucky with the jars but that's a blessing cos I want him to give up the pickled onions anyway, and the sight of blood makes him feel queasy so we cannot watch Casualty in this house.

Constancevariable · 14/01/2021 16:06

This is a bit of an old thread by AIBU standards...but thanks to everyone who posted on here recommending this book! The suggestions have helped already (existing situation...I’m not out and about ‘dating’ new people) and I only started reading in on Tuesday evening.

I agree with others who have said that the example from the book is not a great example

...and yes, Ive suffered with very skewed boundaries in the past. Perhaps hard to understand if you haven’t been there, and maybe even when you have.

JaneJeffer · 14/01/2021 17:17

I can't stand this type of shite. How long are you supposed to keep the act up for? Forever?

thepeopleversuswork · 14/01/2021 17:33

I loathe these “how to catch and keep a man” things like the plague. And haven’t read this although I have seen enough quotes from it to know what the drift is.

But in fairness this extract is quite out of context: most of the narrative thread in this book is urging women not to be too available, not to always put the needs and whims of a bloke ahead of yours etc. This is an odd extract.

hotsouple · 14/01/2021 22:45

visit r/femaledatingstrategy for an updated version

partyatthepalace · 15/01/2021 01:34

Anyone I have ever gone out with, including current DP, would have left pretty sharpish if I’d done any of those things.

So, as ever, depends on the man.

trixiebelden77 · 15/01/2021 06:47

Always wonder how these women too weak to open a jar think women who live alone manage?

I lived alone for years. Not a single failed jar opening.

Must have a grip of steel.

Lweji · 15/01/2021 08:45

@trixiebelden77

Always wonder how these women too weak to open a jar think women who live alone manage?

I lived alone for years. Not a single failed jar opening.

Must have a grip of steel.

Maybe... I have a pretty strong grip, but I fail to open some jars by hand and have to make a hole in the lid.

What I mean by strong grip is that when I do ask a man to open something they have to work pretty hard to do it. But, yes, I am not as strong as most men.
And I'll ask anyone around if I can't do something. If my partner was a female I'd ask her, just in case.

Palavah · 15/01/2021 08:53

@blueshoes

I bet those b.... are also coincidentally happen to be really physically attractive. Bet these men (why do we care what they think anyway) won't be putting up with an unattractive one.

Actually it did wuite a lot to explain why some not-especially-beautiful women seem to get loads of attention from men.

OP, it's a bit tongue-in-cheek but there's some good stuff in it. We've all got orimal instincts and she's talking about appealing to a male protective instinct. I don't think it's that controversial.

The rest of it is a rallying call to have clear boundaries, keep your shit together, not acting as though he has the only dick in the world, and retain your own interests and hobbies. Pretty sound advice.

Gwenhwyfar · 18/01/2021 16:46

"I have a pretty strong grip, but I fail to open some jars by hand and have to make a hole in the lid.

What I mean by strong grip is that when I do ask a man to open something they have to work pretty hard to do it. But, yes, I am not as strong as most men.
And I'll ask anyone around if I can't do something. If my partner was a female I'd ask her, just in case."

I've had some things I've just not been able to open.
Other times I've managed after putting it under hot water to the lid expands.

Gwenhwyfar · 18/01/2021 16:48

@LionLily

Seriously, that sounds so much like my husband.

Terrified of the dark, wakes me up to investigate weird noises in the night, scared of bugs but brings me the spider hoover to deal with them, really unlucky with the jars but that's a blessing cos I want him to give up the pickled onions anyway, and the sight of blood makes him feel queasy so we cannot watch Casualty in this house.

Do you find that attractive?