Why men love bitches

[GoldfishParade]

Browsing for books and this comes up as a recommendation (): Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl―A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship.

Looked at reviews and one reviewer posted a pic of extract from the book (attached here).

Has anyone read this? Is it tongue in cheek?!

@unmarkedbythat

I hate all these books. Strategies and rules and whatever the latest bollocks is. If there really was a fail safe "this is how you achieve and maintain a mutually satisfying relationship" technique I think humanity would have stumbled across it long before now.

Please, please don't judge this book on the title or little excerpts.

I don't, I judge the whole money grabbing, lie selling, time wasting, anxiety provoking ridiculous fucking concept of these things.

It doesn't tell you how to have a satisfying longterm relationship. It tells you how to spot the timewasters early and not fuck things up with the keepers in the early stages.

There were a few key moments early on where I nearly did my usual thing and sabotaged myself. So for me it wasn't time wasting / anxiety provoking / ridiculous. It was seven quid well spent I kicked some frogs to the kerb early and got a husband out of it Bargain really.

God alive, I can see why some of you need a book on how to pretend to be someone else to get a bloody partner

I did these things with my dc when they were sub 5 years old.

If I tried it on dh or on my now teen dc, I imagine I would get a big eyeroll and a mutter about the century of the fruitbat

Hmmm. I'm not sure I need this book because I don't have a problem with the dating or first yearish stage.

Does she go deeper into when a relationship is established?

@PurrBox

Wow- anyone who started killing bugs would be out on his ear

Yes, that too! WTF.

@MorrisZapp

Sadly, the main message of these books (see also The Rules and He's Just Not That Into You) does work.

Value yourself highly, don't do all the running, don't accept crap in the early stages of a relationship. This might seem obvious but so many women are so keen to have a boyfriend that they throw themselves into new relationships instead of using that time to show how they expect to be treated. I know because that's exactly what I was like but once I changed my attitude the results were pretty much instant.

I hate that this is how it is but I can't change it, and I do want a successful adult relationship.

Am I seeing something different in the picture above?

That excerpt seems to say changes who you are, pretend to be x, y and a, topamder to a man's ego so he feels the Big I Am.

So not valuing yourself and accepting crap.

This is what I don't get.

I couldn't do it.

@Shoxfordian

Yeah I’ve read it, some men do like that silliness

Instant turn off for this woman if they do. Screams insecure masculinity.

My advice is if you are with a man who needs you to pander to his ego, switch to pander to youself and enjoy being single.

I can honestly say you can ignore that entire part of the book and still find it useful. That page is a bit like trying to sum up the Bible using one mad page from Leviticus where it says stone people to death for eating prawns

Anyway, good luck on your search for love, whether you use the Bitch book or a tempting foot wart. I knew my then boyfriend was a keeper when he brought me a KFC to hospital after an operation, then held the sick bowl when I threw it back up

I read it when I was single and having useless man problems. I didn't take all the advice on board but did change some of my behaviour. It was really useful at the time along with 'He's just not that into you'.

I had been a complete and utter people pleaser until that point which hadn't served me very well.

@GoldfishParade

Hmmm. I'm not sure I need this book because I don't have a problem with the dating or first yearish stage.

Does she go deeper into when a relationship is established?

It's so long ago that I can't really remember it well but I would say it would be less useful for you than it was for me. I tended to be a weird mix of overly self-reliant and too kind which attracted gorgeous, chaotic men who were very exciting but half wanted a lover and half wanted a mother / personal assistant. Far from being 'weak hearted' or 'fake' I was extremely successful in my own right but I came across as so independent I had no space in my life for a man OR attracted men who wanted to ride my coattails.

I think it's a useful book. Yes, some of it is annoying, but the basic principle is that you don't compromise your self to get/keep a man. You don't drop everything if he wants a date. You keep your boundaries strong. You come first. The principles are sound even if parts of it are ridiculous.

I agree with the part about cooking though - I've never had to cook for a boyfriend, and they all cook for me. It's great!

Dear God, I knew women at uni back in the 80s that used to do this. I watched in bewilderment as to why the lads loved them so much! I would rather be celibate than demean myself!

@BadEyeBri

That is vomit inducing.

Indeed. But I wonder if my DH misread it as I’m the family locker upper/ bug despatcher and bin sorter 🙄

I loved it! I think it was great. Many women could learn a thing or two!

I love this book !!!! ... I read it when online dating .. if you take it as a bit of fun and an experiment.. it works ! ... my friend was also single and dating .. and some men became "textbook bitch book" men !! .. that page isn't representative

Read it years ago. It's not tongue in cheek, just dated. If you fancy another laugh, The Rules is a good one.

I seem to remember WMLB has some reasonable principals about setting and reinforcing boundaries.

So what other advice is there in it?

I've read excerpts from this book recently..I read a lot of similar things after a relationship ended. Most of it wasn't really relevant for me, but I needed my confidence building up as the break up was a huge shock.

This bit you've shown is very OTT and it's not my style to pretend to be helpless when I'm not. But one thing I've noticed in a lot of these books is that though they encourage making a man feel like a hero (which is fine for those who want to do that - I'm genuinely terrfied of spiders so I've got it nailed ) they also focus a lot on making sure women have a good sense of their own boundaries, retain those boundaries, and have their own life/friends/don't drop everything for a man. I think that's good.

I've got a very good friend who is an absolute doormat. I know that's horrible... She's lovely... But she lets herself get taken advantage of by work, by men, by family members. I am quite tempted to get her one of these kind of books to try and give her a push into standing up for herself. I am not sure if she'd take it the wrong way though or if she'd even put any of it into action.

That excerpt is farcically bad😂
I know far more men than women who are afraid of spiders 🕷.

If it isn’t in one’s nature to simper and need protecting, it is probably too late to change.

Men are much stronger than women physically, so I call on a male to help move really heavy stuff, but that is acceptable.

As someone else said there's a lot in it about getting the balance right between being kind and over-kind; kick ass and terrifying. It is about valuing yourself in the context of relationships and acting accordingly. It was the only area of my life where I kept letting my boundaries slide and gave too much of myself to people who truly didn't deserve me.

Honestly, don't judge it by that stupid chapter. I agree that chapter is a bit like 'The rules' and I always eye rolled at it. There's really a lot of good stuff in WMLB. Not everyone learned healthy relationship boundaries growing up and like many women I was taught to be 'nice' and 'kind'. Sometimes I did this to my own detriment and gave a pass on bullshit that in any other context I would never have tolerated.

I knew this shit instinctively when I was 13...and looked like an 18 year old. Very easy to make stupid men do things for you.

Then I grew up.

Yes that bit of the book would be useful for attracting a stupid man, which is why in general I would recommend ignoring that section and focusing on the other bits.

OK fuck it, I'm getting it. Will report back!