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Original poster

Ex can't have the kids for 14 days even though test is negative

69 replies

covidlondon · 12/01/2021 12:56

Ex and I separated a few years ago, he has a new girlfriend and they live together. She works at a nursery and one of the staff has tested positive for COVID, she went and got tested a few days ago, came back negative. But has apparently been told by her workplace that she needs to self isolate even though her test is negative?

We coparent well, and care for each other. There’s no hate. When schools closed back in March we did one week here and one week at his house, when schools are open I have them 4 days and him 3 days.

So we went back to one week on/off, he last saw them 4th January and was suppose to pick them up on Saturday, but now can’t because his girlfriend has to self isolate with a negative test?

I know for a fact he won’t be self isolating with her. I know he will be seeing his friends, his mum , they will come to his house etc. He left London in Tier 4 to see his friends in Bristol, so he has broken many COVID rules. I know that he will be seeing his friends, and that’s what annoys me.

I’m really struggling with homeschooling 3 kids, can’t keep up with the assignments, My house is a mess. And they’re there with a negative test, I know they won’t stick to the rules(they were at her parents house last Sunday) but can’t have the kids for 14 days.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 12/01/2021 13:00

First you cant get a test with no symptoms (or your not supposed too anyway)

Second its ten days from contact withthe infected person

Third do you really want your kids going where they are not welcome? Because if they are making shit up that's clearly false to get out of having the kids then they dont seem to want them do they

Angel2702 · 12/01/2021 13:01

She is correct you should not be getting a test if you are a contact as you could still be in the incubation period. If you are a contact you have to isolate for 10 days regardless of a negative test.

ISBN111 · 12/01/2021 13:02

She has to self isolate, but she will have been told that nobody else in her household needs to, unless she or anyone else develops symptoms.

To be fair, when my ds was self isolating I worked from home and stopped my other kids going to their dad’s as a precaution.
This variant is so trAnsmissible, I wouldn’t want to risk spreading it.

However this was agreed with all parties.
I think you need to talk through the pros and cons with your ex and decide together what the best solution is.

Xmasgrump · 12/01/2021 13:05

I’d be petty, next time he has them tell him during their stay that you are self isolating, and he will need to look after them for 14 days!

UnmentionedElephantDildo · 12/01/2021 13:06

Yes, it is correct that she needs to self isolate for 10 days from the last time she was in contact with the confirmed case.

A negative test during this time does not release you from the requirement to SI as you cud be incubating it.

You need to act as if she has got it for the duration of her SI.

And yes DC with two homes can move between them, but the question is whether they should. Can she reasonably isolate from them in their home?

If she became symptomatic and your DC had to SI, are you happy with your plan for how you will manage it?

Absolutelydrained · 12/01/2021 13:07

As above have said no matter what the test says as she’s been in contact with a person with COVID she will need to isolate for 10 days. On the other hand that doesn’t mean he has too, but would you really want your kids exposed to someone who may have it?

gumbucket · 12/01/2021 13:10

The number of people who think you can test your way out of isolation makes latest figures utterly unsurprising.

RedskyAtnight · 12/01/2021 13:10

GF still have to self isolate for 10 days, even with a negative test. She'll have been identified by Test and Trace.

Your ex doesn't have to self-isolate as he's not the person that's been in contact with an infected person.

So for those parts they are both behaving correctly.

Your ex probably can't have the children at his house as it would be hard for them to self isolate from gf. He could take them out somewhere - but realistically in current times he's restricted to 2 hours in the park.

So in terms of following rules in this instance, ex is doing the right thing.

Hollyoakswatcher · 12/01/2021 13:18

Yes gf needs to self isolate despite negative test, that is in the guidelines. Technically ex DH can have children but personally do you really want your children to be staying in the same house as someone who potentially has COVID.

I think DH is actually doing the safest thing in regards to your children. When my DH had to self isolate everyone in our house did although we didn’t need to, but because we could, I don’t necessarily agree with the guidelines that only the person in contact needs to isolate but not people they live with, but know that it’s needed to keep the country going

Original poster
covidlondon · 12/01/2021 13:22

I understand, just feeling really low at the moment 😔

OP posts:
Chicchicchicchiclana · 12/01/2021 13:26

Why would you want them going to someone who is so cavalier about Covid? Aren't you worried about getting it? Even in children it can be very unpleasant and nasty.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 12/01/2021 13:32

If it had been the rule that everyone in a household needs to isolate if anyone they live with is isolating due to contact with someone with covid (whether they had symptoms or not and a negative test or not) then we would have collectively been far more firmly on top of this virus right now.

peak2021 · 12/01/2021 13:32

If you know he is breaking Covid rules, report him. Keep your children with him.

peak2021 · 12/01/2021 13:32

with you

Wheresmykimchi · 12/01/2021 13:33

She is right.

But I see your point.

listsandbudgets · 12/01/2021 13:34

Like at it this way?

What if they go.. she develops covid after they've returned to you and then they have to isolate with you anyway.. and one if them has a symptomless case and then you get it and isolation starts all over again while you're ill.

They would not see their dad for weeks and you'd get no break. Keep them with you OP or you may be making a rod for your own back

WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 12/01/2021 13:36

I don't think your ex is breaking any rules, it's only his gf who has to isolate. He can still behave as 'nirmal' until she either has symptoms or a + test.

WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 12/01/2021 13:37

Sorry, just reread op. He doesn't have to isolate with her but he does have to abide by general covid rules of course.

HugeAckmansWife · 12/01/2021 13:42

OP I totally get it. My ex isn't doing anything with the home schooling this time round either because it's too difficult apparently. Not sure why he thinks its easier for me but he doesn't give a crap about that. In the end, he's right they shouldn't go, but when the isolation is up he should have them for some extra days to give you a break and do as much of their schooling as possible (get ahead or catch up if things have slipped). In the mean time, just do what you can, keep the room you relax in tidy and go for easy meals etc. Do, or don't do what you need in order to get through it.

TonMoulin · 12/01/2021 13:52

There is nothing in what they are doing that is wrong. Actually all according to guidelines (with adjustments for the number of days).

However, it’s clear they are using covid as an excuse. If it wasn’t about a child, I’d be tempted to do the same back at them and say you can’t have dc at home because you’re self isolating....

TonMoulin · 12/01/2021 13:54

One point though.

If your dc was to go there and she was then testing positive (which is a clear possibility), he would then have self isolate as a contact to someone positive. So would you ex.

I suspect they want to avoid dc to catch it AND also have to actually look after dc during the whole of the self isolation period.

warmandtoasty2day · 12/01/2021 13:54

he's being a complete dick in breaking the rules with little to no regard to his dc or gf for that matter. not my idea of a great and caring dad or partner imo.

Scaredykittycat · 12/01/2021 14:01

Rules are still to isolate even with a negative test. Although it’s 10 days from exposure, not 14.

Goatscheesewithhoney · 12/01/2021 14:05

He doesn’t have to stay at home and the rest of the household (which includes your children while they stay there)

Her isolation is 10 days from last contact with positive person,

Staff where I work have to isolate quite a lot and they still see their children Grin which is quite within the rules. And the rest of their family still goes out and about.

They are always unlikely to have it, due to masks and social distancing rules, just a precaution.

It is likely to happen again, for all of us, isolating every two minutes as more and more contacts are around (and they will be as it continues to spread, “the rules” just slow the spread, so does he plan to keep staying away from his own children for 10 days every time?

NoSquirrels · 12/01/2021 14:10

Ach, I'm sorry OP. But as PPs say, if they did catch it from her (she could be incubating it and a test wouldn't be able to tell you that) then you'd potentially have more disruption and awfulness.

If you usually get on really well, perhaps you could suggest he could have them for 10 days rather than a week, when he's able to again, just to give you a bit more of a break?

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