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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ex can't have the kids for 14 days even though test is negative

69 replies

covidlondon · 12/01/2021 12:56

Ex and I separated a few years ago, he has a new girlfriend and they live together. She works at a nursery and one of the staff has tested positive for COVID, she went and got tested a few days ago, came back negative. But has apparently been told by her workplace that she needs to self isolate even though her test is negative?

We coparent well, and care for each other. There’s no hate. When schools closed back in March we did one week here and one week at his house, when schools are open I have them 4 days and him 3 days.

So we went back to one week on/off, he last saw them 4th January and was suppose to pick them up on Saturday, but now can’t because his girlfriend has to self isolate with a negative test?

I know for a fact he won’t be self isolating with her. I know he will be seeing his friends, his mum , they will come to his house etc. He left London in Tier 4 to see his friends in Bristol, so he has broken many COVID rules. I know that he will be seeing his friends, and that’s what annoys me.

I’m really struggling with homeschooling 3 kids, can’t keep up with the assignments, My house is a mess. And they’re there with a negative test, I know they won’t stick to the rules(they were at her parents house last Sunday) but can’t have the kids for 14 days.

OP posts:

yvanka · 12/01/2021 14:12

Definitely develop symptoms next time they go to his. You deserve a break too.

WorraLiberty · 12/01/2021 14:27

@yvanka

Definitely develop symptoms next time they go to his. You deserve a break too.

So the next time the GF is supposed to self isolate due to working with someone who's tested Covid positive, the OP is supposed to develop symptoms to get a break?

That doesn't make sense.

Emeraldshamrock · 12/01/2021 14:32

It is shit especially when you've been homeschooling and looking forward to a break to catch up.
I'd be tempted to self isolate for 10 days on the next visit to dad's.
Covid is causing disruption and breakdowns in many lives.

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 12/01/2021 14:34

She is correct, unfortunately. Any chance your ex could do some home schooling with the kids online? Tutors are still seeing kids online so its possible

OhCaptain · 12/01/2021 14:38

That's shit.

I actually fantasized about DH and I being separated this morning because I'd have a break from home schooling!

It's so tough but she is right.

MichelleofzeResistance · 12/01/2021 14:38

OP Yes, this is probably the right thing unfortunately, yes it sucks all round.

Practicalities: if what you're really needing is his help to get a break, (which is absolutely understandable and important!) can you plan something with him like you taking the kids to the park to meet him there and he has them for a couple of hours walking, chatting, the playgrounds are still open? He can wear a mask, doesn't need to share a car with them, he gets to see them and you get some time off? Not at all the same as the couple of days you'd usually get while he has them but would that be of any help?

LowestEbb · 12/01/2021 14:38

next time he has them tell him during their stay that you are self isolating, and he will need to look after them for 14 days

Mature.

DressingGownofDoom · 12/01/2021 14:42

She's protecting you and your children so YABU.

Givemeabreak88 · 12/01/2021 14:43

10 days? I think that’s fine tbh if he is normally a good dad and you get on.

My ex hasn’t seen the kids since November yes we would all like a break but sometimes things happen to prevent that

Wheresmykimchi · 12/01/2021 14:54

@Xmasgrump

I’d be petty, next time he has them tell him during their stay that you are self isolating, and he will need to look after them for 14 days!

And make the kids feel unwanted twice over.

3rdNamechange · 12/01/2021 14:57

Can you tell him to come and take them out for a bit ?
Not much to do obviously but a walk and trip to drive in McDonalds.
You say you're amicable , could he come to yours and you go out for a couple of hours?

MessAllOver · 12/01/2021 15:00

If it's his days (and child maintenance reflects this), then he is the "default" parent and needs to sort childcare for them if he can't look after them. Which means paying the cost of a babysitter.

apalledandshocked · 12/01/2021 15:02

Haaaa, I know this is outing but my ex went on holiday for a month (and realistically is likely to have to quarantine when he returns. The government were I lived said people should travel abroad for essential purposes only when they introduced the current lockdown but they have no way of enforcing it). I have another friend whose ex announced, right at the start of the school closure that "he thought it was best if the children stay with her for the duration". The stability you know! It is definately a theme. I actually am finding it easier than if he was here but they are all still massive twunts.

apalledandshocked · 12/01/2021 15:04

He has however been sending me regular text reminding me to keep on top of the kids home schooling and to take them to a proper hairdresser (all currently closed anyway). So thats his parenting duties done.

ClaireP20 · 12/01/2021 15:05

@Theunamedcat

First you cant get a test with no symptoms (or your not supposed too anyway)

Second its ten days from contact withthe infected person

Third do you really want your kids going where they are not welcome? Because if they are making shit up that's clearly false to get out of having the kids then they dont seem to want them do they

You can, and in fact where I live they encourage testing even if you have no symptoms, if you have been exposed to someone.

WorraLiberty · 12/01/2021 15:05

@3rdNamechange

Can you tell him to come and take them out for a bit ? Not much to do obviously but a walk and trip to drive in McDonalds. You say you're amicable , could he come to yours and you go out for a couple of hours?

He's living with someone who may have Covid

ClaireP20 · 12/01/2021 15:09

He's completely out of order. I wonder if there is trouble in paradise...?

Can't come and take the kids for a few hours to even give you a break. He sounds like a selfish idiot. No wonder you aren't with him anymore. Does he ever actually see the kids on his own? I doubt it, for some reason men always have to do everything with the girlfriend, they forget they can actually spend time with their own kids on their own..

Sorry OP. I think i'm having a bad day...x

apalledandshocked · 12/01/2021 15:10

@MessAllOver but the problem is, you cant reasonably hire a babysitter at the moment (I am fairly certain it is against rules. Even if it wasnt it somewhat defeats the purpose of closing the schools)

AgainstTheCurrent · 12/01/2021 15:11

I’m really struggling with homeschooling 3 kids, can’t keep up with the assignments, My house is a mess.

Ok so you know really that they shouldn't have the kids regardless of how happy they are to break rules and risk themselves, however, you don't want to be caught up in all that so they are better staying with you.

That said the above is the issue as it is clearly getting to you and you need a break. How old are the kids? Does it really matter if you don't work on the assignments with them for a couple of days? What are the deadlines, could you give all of you a day off tomorrow, housework next day and do some school work at weekend? I think parents are under way to much pressure with home-schooling, my niece is a teacher and she is very understanding that parents feel pressured so maybe a chat with teacher explaining that you are under pressure and will catch up in a few days should be fine. If you were ill you wouldn't be able to do it anyway and mental health is just as important as physical health so go a bit easier on yourself.

Ohdoleavemealone · 12/01/2021 15:12

Id be frustrated too OP. You have to struggle on, but they can carry on easy living due to the rules.

Even if they are correct to isolate, it feels unfair on you.

Hugs to you. It's bloody hard!

Clymene · 12/01/2021 15:15

@Theunamedcat

First you cant get a test with no symptoms (or your not supposed too anyway)

Second its ten days from contact withthe infected person

Third do you really want your kids going where they are not welcome? Because if they are making shit up that's clearly false to get out of having the kids then they dont seem to want them do they

Not true. We have two local testing centres specifically for people with no symptoms, given the number of people no are asymptomatic

yvanka · 12/01/2021 15:18

WorraLiberty Read it again.

I said next time they go to their dad's, not next time his girlfriend is told to self-isolate.

3rdNamechange · 12/01/2021 15:20

@WorraLiberty I know ,but contacts of contacts don't have to isolate.

Original poster

covidlondon · 12/01/2021 15:21

I just had a little cry in the bathroom, my neighbour just knocked on the day really upset about the boys ruining her flowers in our shared garden. I let them out for a bit to play football and ride their bikes. And I just had a missed call from a "No Caller ID" number, I know it's one of the teachers asking why we haven't been online today. I did guided reading and maths with 2 of the kids yesterday and handed it in, and reading with reception DS. This is one of the reasons why I feel so stressed, the constant phone calls from the teachers if I'm not online from the moment we wake up.

And he's just asked to FaceTime the kids 😢 just hanging in there

OP posts:

OhCaptain · 12/01/2021 15:24

Why haven't you been online?

Let them Facetime their dad and you have a cuppa.

Did they have to play football and ride bikes near her flower beds? How old are they?!

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