Ex can't have the kids for 14 days even though test is negative

[covidlondon]

Ex and I separated a few years ago, he has a new girlfriend and they live together. She works at a nursery and one of the staff has tested positive for COVID, she went and got tested a few days ago, came back negative. But has apparently been told by her workplace that she needs to self isolate even though her test is negative?

We coparent well, and care for each other. There’s no hate. When schools closed back in March we did one week here and one week at his house, when schools are open I have them 4 days and him 3 days.

So we went back to one week on/off, he last saw them 4th January and was suppose to pick them up on Saturday, but now can’t because his girlfriend has to self isolate with a negative test?

I know for a fact he won’t be self isolating with her. I know he will be seeing his friends, his mum , they will come to his house etc. He left London in Tier 4 to see his friends in Bristol, so he has broken many COVID rules. I know that he will be seeing his friends, and that’s what annoys me.

I’m really struggling with homeschooling 3 kids, can’t keep up with the assignments, My house is a mess. And they’re there with a negative test, I know they won’t stick to the rules(they were at her parents house last Sunday) but can’t have the kids for 14 days.

Forget the girlfriend! Why would you want your kids to see their dad if he is out and about and seemingly seeing everyone and can easily bring it to his home, give to the kids and then to you. This is how the virus spreads.

M ESSAGE HIM

Hey Kev, confused about the 14 days thing. Its 10 days since contact with a +ve person. She saw the woman Friday? So you can take them from Tuesday by my counting? Can only imagine you must be missing them lots after all this time, i know they're desperate to see you.

see what he says.

and big hugs op x

@SleepingStandingUp - I’ve got Monday as the first day? And I agree that message is perfect

I think you’re over reacting sounds like he’s usually a good dad

@Theunamedcat

First you cant get a test with no symptoms (or your not supposed too anyway)

Second its ten days from contact withthe infected person

Third do you really want your kids going where they are not welcome? Because if they are making shit up that's clearly false to get out of having the kids then they dont seem to want them do they

Our borough is offering lateral flow test to everyone who wants one - proving they aren't showing symptoms, so your first point isn't necessarily correct. Totally agree with your last point though, I wouldn't want my kids going somewhere where they were clearly not welcome!

*He's completely out of order. I wonder if there is trouble in paradise...?

Can't come and take the kids for a few hours to even give you a break. He sounds like a selfish idiot. No wonder you aren't with him anymore. Does he ever actually see the kids on his own? I doubt it, for some reason men always have to do everything with the girlfriend, they forget they can actually spend time with their own kids on their own*

And today in 'Things I'm projecting'

Correct him on the 10 days vs 14 days thing

Tell him you assume he therefore won’t be going anywhere or seeing anywhere since he can’t have his kids

And point out that it’s likely (since there’s so much covid around) you’ll have to isolate at some point so look forward to him returning the favour then.

Sounds really stressful. However if he's mixing as you say he is then no wonder covid is spreading round. It sounds like they're already mixing quite a few households. Ideally you should avoid sending them there but obviously you need a break.

Maybe email school & explain so they understand. I think schools are just responding to criticism from last time hence the pressure.

To be fair when you mentioned your ex, going here there and everywhere, to Bristol, to see his friends etc and having no regard for social distancing in your opening post, I would actually be releived that you werent exposing your DC and potentially yourself to the additional risk of his mixing.

Tell him that if that is the case he can have them for 14 days when she has finished self isolating....

Oh OP, it’s so hard on your own. Go easy on yourself. As long as everyone is still alive, fed and watered at the end of the day, you are doing just fine

@Londonmummy66

Tell him that if that is the case he can have them for 14 days when she has finished self isolating....

Maybe op wouldn't want to go two weeks without contact? Most primary carer parents wouldn't

If you KNOW your ex is seeing friends and family why would you even want to send DC there to risk their health?
It’s a stressful time but don’t make this about your ex’s GF it sounds like she is doing the sensible thing.

@apalledandshocked. The OP is available to babysit so her ex can pay her the going rate. Then she can put that towards something nice for her/hiring help when restrictions are relaxed.

If parents want to fob off their responsibilities onto others (including the other parent), they need to pay for the privilege.

Also, you can still hire babysitters (whether you should is another matter). The ex could at least pay for a few hours online tuition to give the OP a break.

YABU. She is doing everything she should be doing, seeing out her possible incubation period and not putting anyone at risk. Your ex doesn't need to isolate as he hasn't had direct contact (but he would have to if his girlfriend developed symptoms, as would your kids if they were staying there).
You absolutely shouldn't be putting the kids into their home environment when the girlfriend is potentially cooking up a viral storm.

@covidlondon

I just had a little cry in the bathroom, my neighbour just knocked on the day really upset about the boys ruining her flowers in our shared garden. I let them out for a bit to play football and ride their bikes. And I just had a missed call from a "No Caller ID" number, I know it's one of the teachers asking why we haven't been online today. I did guided reading and maths with 2 of the kids yesterday and handed it in, and reading with reception DS. This is one of the reasons why I feel so stressed, the constant phone calls from the teachers if I'm not online from the moment we wake up.

And he's just asked to FaceTime the kids 😢 just hanging in there

Teachers do not constantly phone you if you're not online - but they also have a duty of care and are not responsible for your stress. Please don't pedal anything other than you feeling overwhelmed.

It’s only been five days off school, they really would have been doing school work and then playing outdoors.

If she is isolating why wouldn’t anyone want to risk seeing them let alone expose children to the risk

@Theunamedcat

First you cant get a test with no symptoms (or your not supposed too anyway)

Second its ten days from contact withthe infected person

Third do you really want your kids going where they are not welcome? Because if they are making shit up that's clearly false to get out of having the kids then they dont seem to want them do they

You can get a test in education settings of they have private arrangements to provide them.