To ask what your age gap is between children and pros and cons!

[Alicealicewhothe]

Just that really!
Wish you had them together closer/further apart?

Talk to me about sibling age gaps to help me decide on whether to TTC or not soon!

I think it’s best to have them closer together. I have 4 with varying age gaps the largest being 8 years. They do get on reasonably well But after after 17 years I’m still doing the school run.......

@Lolalime

I think it’s best to have them closer together. I have 4 with varying age gaps the largest being 8 years. They do get on reasonably well But after after 17 years I’m still doing the school run.......

My point was if I had them closer together I’d have finished with primary by now.

3 years 3 months. 3 school years.

I saved a fortune as my mat leave coincided with eldest's preschool year which meant I callus take him out of nursery and he could go into the preschool of the school he was going to start in primary. Also got free 15 hours so I he attended for 3 days, got the preschooler education etc for free so I didn't have nursery fees during that year for him. He got used to the school and I got time with the baby to go to playgroups etc.

Growing up it's fine although the age difference is more apparent as they are getting older. Also they will be at different schools for 3 years which is a pain

I know I'll appreciate the 3 years though because I won't have them doing GCSEs and A levels at the same time. Otherwise it will get stressful with one doing GCSEs whilst one is applying for uni/apprenticeships etc.

Same as @formerbabe - 2.5 years - and agree with her points.

Friends with a 2 year gap exactly found it tougher, I think - the extra 6 months meant the older one was starting pre school and was just that little bit more independent. If you get to a 4 year gap, though, it’s a bit harder to do things as a unit as their interests may be more divergent. I think 2.5/3 years is probably optimal. But each to her own!

Well DS1&2 are 5 minutes apart and I wouldn't change them or having twins for the world but fuck me it's hard work having two the same age who are polar opposites (interests, hobbies, school work ethic) when you need to entertain them at home all day.

DS3 is 3.5 years younger and that was a lovely age gap. The older ones were old enough to get the baby bit (be gentle, don't wake the baby..etc).
Now one of the older ones is really good with DS3 and plays with him and looks after him, the other one probably doesn't say more than 10 words to him in a day

They can also watch him for short times (so I can go to the toilet or answer the door) except once when the older ones accidentally shut the babies fingers in a door and broke his finger whilst I was having a poo..

11 years between my 2, It was obviously easier when ds2 was born as my eldest was 11 so could fend for himself when necessary, However, that is the only pro. My eldest is 23 and lives away from home, has been since he started uni 5 years ago when my youngest was only 7 so they have missed out on the bonding siblings should have, They get on ok and don't argue, but they are more casual friends than brothers, and I feel sad for that.
I wish I had them closer together, when my eldest was born, It would mean they would be closer as brothers should be, and I would also have some sort of life back too. Although I wouldn't swap them for the world.

11 years - so they only lived together for 7 years as DS left for Uni age18. In some ways it was like having 2 only children. Plus side- they have never fought or had any sibling rivalry and get on really well now in 20s and 30s. Wouldn’t recommend this big a gap but sometimes you have no choice. Enjoy family life whatever you decide !

2.5 years. 3 school years which is a pain. I'd have preferred slightly closer together say 2 years just because of similar interests and classes etc making it convenient...I am not sure how I would have toilet trained with a newborn though !

Our gaps between our 4 were:
22 months
3 years 11 months
4 minutes

Obviously the twins was probably the easiest gap but generally all the dc are close and get on great and were all at an easyish stage when the next came along.

DD and DS 1 was 18 years. DS1 and DS 2 was 22 months.

The pros to having a big gap was I had a built in baby sitter from the word go as DD was still at home for a couple of years. However I think having babies in the house has made her very aware of the reality of having babies and she is so far reluctant to have her own.

I loved having a small gap between the 2 boys although the early years were tough. Now they are both teens it's even better. Whilst they capable of winding each other up they have a great relationship and as each have different strengths and weaknesses they help each other with school work. I did catch them doing each other's homework at one point 😳. They also both have a lovely relationship with their big Sis who is actually now physically half their height 🤣

However there are cons to such a big gap as I feel I have have done the kids stage of my life twice over and am now more than ready to move on to have some to myself and with just me and DH.

There is 18 months between the eldest two, as I wanted them to be friends, they like maybe even love each other but they are so different that they have never wanted to be in each other’s company for very long. They are adults now. I was the youngest with a big age gap, I felt an only child and not a sibling till I was an adult although I can still be dismissed as a child by them in my 50s.

My kids are aged 28, 20 and 13.

Pros:
I can go off and do stuff knowing the older siblings will look after her. They are all super close.

Cons:
Each one was like starting from the beginning!
The 13 year old thinks she’s 25 🙄

My sister is 7 years younger, and if I'm honest, it's more like I'm her uncle, I cant even really relate to pop culture stuff due to how much its changed! I do get a bit sad about it, as I think we'll struggle to ever really have things in common.

13 15 18 months

2y 7.5 m.

Pros: eldest increasingly independent when youngest born (able to put on own pants and trousers, had been potty trained a few months, could climb in and out of the bath unaided, could ride a balance bike so was happy to leave a pram behind.

Cons: it's only recently with eldest just 4, youngest coming up to 1.5 that they are starting to play more and eldest is seeing youngest as a fun child not a boring baby, but it's only 8 more months till eldest goes off to school. I wanted a gap of 21-24m really but had miscarriages that delayed things.

Approx 3.5 years. Never wanted mine close together and still wouldn't although did have a miscarriage between the 2. For us it's brilliant, they are both teenagers and get on really well.

It's not just the age gap though, it's the sex and personality of the children.

@Abadoo I’m so sorry for your loss

2 years almost to the day gaps between my 3. There was one year when I had all 3 at home and on the buggy. That was hard especially as none were sleeping. But they are 8, 6 and 4 now and building a fort and playing together as I type. They adore each other. H and I are onlies so we wanted them closer together. Would have had a fourth but the not sleeping nearly killed me.

They do fight tho, lots. But then they cuddle up and sleep together. I love the sound of them playing and laughing.

When I grew up I was so envious of friends who had close siblings. All my friends with ‘best friend’ type relationships with their siblings had between 18 months and 3 year gaps. Everyone I knew with bigger gaps weren’t as close.

5.5 years between our two DDs. They’re now 10 and 5 and overall it’s been fine. They play together and fight with each other in equal measures.

In the early days it was great for me as I had lots of one on one time with DD2 while her sister was at school, and she’s benefited a lot developmentally from having an older sister. DD1 also quite enjoys showing her how to do stuff at times.

The downside ist that they sometimes have very different interests, and DD2 can find it hard to accept she can’t do everything DD1 that does. But overall I wouldn’t change it!

13months. Hard work in the earlier days but so much easier now at 4 & 5. They are into the same things. They play really nicely (and equally fight) and they are one year behind each other in school years. I was always advised not to have a bigger than 2 year age gap and I'm glad I listened. Love their age gap.

Thanks everyone! Really nice to hear all the different pros and cons hehe

20.5 months.
Biggest con was I basically got no sleep for several years. I was either pregnant or breastfeeding or both for five years solid.
DD1 wasn't old enough to be jealous of baby... She just accepted her presence from day 1. And honestly, they are best friends. They bicker occasionally (they are 9&7 now). But having a friend through lockdown was a blessing. Not something I planned for 8years ago.
The hardest bit was the 6 months between DD1 starting full time reception and DD2 starting preschool. DD2 missed her playmate. (They went to a community preschool together before that, but we moved over that summer.)

2.5 years dc 1 & 2 - get on well most of the time
And then 3 years and about 6 weeks DC 2 and 3. I think closer to 2 years is good but dc3 was a bit of a surprise. I like that the first 2 are only 2 school years apart and they’re not that far apart with social emotional development. I’m hoping number three is included more as she gets a bit more sensible (only 18 months old so a bit of a loose cannon) they are lovely with her and she does love to join in.

13 months between 1 and 2 - very easy but both were good sleepers. I had an easy second pregnancy (much easier than the first) as well. I think for others it would be very difficult though - it depends on the babies.

22 months between 2 and 3 - harder as 1 and 2 were toddlers/mobile/stroppy. Tough to get out and about by myself.

They are 9, 11 and 12 now - very close and have lots of fun together. They are easy to keep entertained as a unit. I don’t regret the gaps we had. Only downside was the baby years were over quite quickly.

5y11m between mine. Ideally I’d have gone for about 4 years, but I wasn’t in the right place quickly enough to make that work, and tbf DC1 and I had some lovely times between 4-6 that wouldn’t have been the same if accompanied by a baby/toddler. They’re nearly 9 and nearly 3 now and play together almost constantly, squabble, adore each other, enjoy a lot of the same stuff. I don’t take it for granted and wonder ifDC1 will reach an age where that becomes tricky at some point, but for now it’s lovely and good for them both.

There’s 10 years between my sibling and me. At times the gap has felt too big, but actually even though it’s still a big gap, the stages of life we’re at are converging now and we really enjoy each other’s company.