Divorce after less than a year of marriage.

[Canneverthinkofagoodusername]

I don’t want this to sound like I’m being judgmental, I am not at all. I’m a firm believer that you shouldn’t stay in a strained marriage if you aren’t happy and you shouldn’t stay just because..

I’ve noticed recently there seems to be a lot of marriages that have failed after less than a year. This probably has always happened, my own mother’s marriage only lasted a few months many years ago but seems worse lately. I’m genuinely curious to why this is? Was it the strain of marriage? Was the marriage rushed into? was the marriage a way to try and fix issues within the relationship? More recently is it lockdown strain? Do relationships change after a marriage? Of course they do a certain extent but when you’ve lived with someone for several years for getting married first not so much.

Recently I’ve noticed couples who have been together for several years who have got married and divorced within a year of marriage. Surely after years of living together they’d know whether they would want to be together forever. I know things change. Stress, kids, money etc etc. Some cheat etc.

I’m asking because I’ve been with my partner for 9 years and we have discussed getting married and we will when the time is right but for now we are unmarried. What will marriage change for our relationship? We already have dc, a house we own etc. Marriage will of course offer more security and stability etc. But I don’t feel it would change our relationship at all. I cannot imagine my life without him and want to grow old with him (cliche I know). Can marriage really change a relationship that has always been stable and happy?

@rowanoak I completely agree with your points! Ultimately it was 'him' not marriage itself that was the problem. He stopped using my name and would say things like 'where is my wife? ' and ' what would my wife like to drink'. I felt if I left he could just replace me with a different 'wife'.

I prefer cats to dogs. Cats have the freedom to leave but if they come back to you its because that is where they choose to make their home ( and if you don't treat them well they won't come back). Dogs love you but they live behind a locked door.

I know a few couples who were together for years, got married and then separated soon afterwards. I felt that one partner had always been more keen, and the other felt pressured into marriage

I also know several couples who were together for years, woman keen to marry, man not, they separated, and the man got married to someone else quickly. I felt that the man was always open to marriage, but just didn't want to marry his long term partner. Waiting for someone better to come along

@Georgyporky

How about your DH was a loving, kind person during courtship; then revealed that his true nature was a violent alcoholic?

Oh yes. My first marriage lasted fifteen months. He was drinking a fair bit before we got married, but after, he really went to town. The baseline, by which I mean the minimum, and it went up from there, was 23 standard drinks (23 measures) a day. I was teetotal at the time.

He seemed to have some strange idea that I couldn't leave.