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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To quit uni?

55 replies

ClearlyFromTheBack · 11/01/2021 07:50

Name changed because it's so outing, I don't want it linked to my other threads.

I'm a mature student, year three at uni but nothing handed in yet, 5 kids between myself and my partner now obviously all at home (two with SN and one with a life threatening medical condition that could hospitalise her any moment), and my partner and I run a business.

I'm just broken, and so stressed that I can't do anything well.

Last year, the uni gave us a safety net for our grades, this year we have nothing, they put me on a support plan when the kids were home and some of my deadlines were extended by as much as two months.

This year, we've had next to nothing in terms of teaching (not the lecturers fault at all!) and even then, I struggle without face to face, have no safety net, and although I've got a couple of standard extension it's just not enough. I have a 3500 word assignment due in tomorrow which just isn't ready, another 5000 on the 21st, and another 3000 on the 25th. The kids need huge amounts of attention, we can't afford to spend any less time on the business or we'll risk losing everything.

I'm going to email uni again when the kids have finished breakfast, and start working again, but I just don't see how I can get through this. AIBU to just give up now and maybe redo my third year next year or the year after?

OP posts:
ScaredOfDinosaurs · 11/01/2021 07:53

Don't quit entirely, you've come this far - redoing the third year makes much more sense. I'm sure they will be understanding in the circumstances.

Lockdownbear · 11/01/2021 07:54

Redoing the year makes more sense than quitting. Talk to them.

londongirl12 · 11/01/2021 07:56

Yes maybe see if you can defer and start again in September?

Original poster
ClearlyFromTheBack · 11/01/2021 08:12

I'm thinking that this september will still be unsettled and if I'm stopping now (unless I sign up for distance learning over two years) that I'll be better off waiting an extra year.

The spanner in the works is that I don't have another year of funding from SFE available, so will need to find an extra £9K in fees to redo the year- as well as not being eligible for maintenance loan, so it will be very costly. But even If I manage to hand something gradeable in tomorrow, I just don't see how I can get through the next few months.

OP posts:
EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 11/01/2021 08:14

request a deferral for this year - try to keep things as open as you can, rather than a definite recommencement in Sept 2021.

do you have peers that you are in touch with for emotional support (or are they all straight from school, so will have less empathy with your situation?).

HoopersHat · 11/01/2021 08:17

I have deferred my masters until September, couldn't get on with zoom lectures and felt I was getting nothing from them. Things will be better by September, and I believe we will have f2f lectures.
Defer until then, you will feel better and will be able to focus on you, your family and work.

dontdisturbmenow · 11/01/2021 08:19

It really depends on the reason why you went to Uni in the first place.

If it was as a hobby to keep you entertained, but you don't really need it, then it might not be so bad.

If it 3as with the aim to start a new career and you need the financial stability, then I would say this should take precedence over everything else.

You really need to consider how much you might regret quitting looking back and the consequences of it.

Original poster
ClearlyFromTheBack · 11/01/2021 08:19

It's a mixture of about a third straight from school, a third mid twenties and then the rest of us are from 30's to 50's. We're scattered all over the place and just trying to cope in all honesty. The people I was closest to have just vanished since we went online only, and to be honest that's a little painful.

OP posts:
Original poster
ClearlyFromTheBack · 11/01/2021 08:21

The aim was a new career, but to do it I need another two year masters after this course, and it looks unlikely that I'd get a place (certainly not a funded one, it was social work) and now that I'm involved in my partners business (we'd only just met when I signed up for uni), financially it would be better to concentrate on that.

OP posts:
HoopersHat · 11/01/2021 08:23

You should also be entitled a rebate for this year's fees, only paying for the first term.

dontdisturbmenow · 11/01/2021 08:25

Mmm, so still a newish relationship.

What did you do before? Social work is not just a job but a vocation, and it is hard, so if you struggle now, you might find it hard to deal with as a career.

At the sane time, if you were a single mum on a very low income before, I would think it is worth persevering. Giving everything to someone's business is quite a dangerous move.

FippertyGibbett · 11/01/2021 08:25

Is it just this whole Covid business that’s causing you to struggle, or were you struggling before ?
You’ve got a lot on, maybe it’s just not doable for you and you’d be better putting your time into that business.

DoctorDoctor · 11/01/2021 08:29

Ask for a suspension of study or whatever your university calls it - effectively where you press pause and take a break from the course but have the option to come back later. That should stop you racking up more fees. Does your course run on the usual academic year, i.e. from September?

Original poster
ClearlyFromTheBack · 11/01/2021 08:30

@dontdisturbmenow

Mmm, so still a newish relationship.

What did you do before? Social work is not just a job but a vocation, and it is hard, so if you struggle now, you might find it hard to deal with as a career.

At the sane time, if you were a single mum on a very low income before, I would think it is worth persevering. Giving everything to someone's business is quite a dangerous move.

Oh definitely not newish now, but was when I signed up to uni. Bearing in mind that was quite a while before I actually started the course and I'm now nearly 2.5 years into the degree. We're very solid in terms of legal protection for housing, equity etc, and financially as far as the business is concerned, he's given far more to me in sharing ownership than I have to him.

If I were actually working in social work now, I'd have my own income and not need to work in the business as it wouldn't be our sole income, I'd be a critical worker so it would be easier with the children too (especially as my partner would also have more time with me having an income). But the fact is that qualification for that would be a minimum of 2.5 years away so it doesn't help now.

OP posts:
Original poster
ClearlyFromTheBack · 11/01/2021 08:32

@FippertyGibbett

Is it just this whole Covid business that’s causing you to struggle, or were you struggling before ? You’ve got a lot on, maybe it’s just not doable for you and you’d be better putting your time into that business.
It's because of COVID. It's put financial pressure on the business - for which we receive no government relief - and the levels of home education etc just mean that I can't get enough work done. I was managing absolutely fine before, getting all my work done and holding a steady grade.
OP posts:
Original poster
ClearlyFromTheBack · 11/01/2021 08:33

@DoctorDoctor

Ask for a suspension of study or whatever your university calls it - effectively where you press pause and take a break from the course but have the option to come back later. That should stop you racking up more fees. Does your course run on the usual academic year, i.e. from September?
Yes, standard academic year, but this year is already paid and I'll have to pay again for an extra year- but won't receive a loan for it, I'll have to pay myself.
OP posts:
FippertyGibbett · 11/01/2021 08:33

So basically you’re only half way there and you’re struggling.
If it’s breaking you, you need to walk away or maybe pause it.
For me the kids come first and you need to be ok for them.

Partey · 11/01/2021 08:34

I’m in the same position in that I’m third year and have been accepted to do a social work masters. I only have one child at home though.

I’ve requested small extensions for mine, I can’t face delaying any further. My course leader made everyone aware of Extenuating Circumstances and that if we apply we are more protected. Something to ask your uni about maybe?

Don’t forget why you started and good luck

theantsgomarchin · 11/01/2021 08:35

Honestly it just sounds like you're just really not into the course anymore. Realistically, if you quit now would you ever return? It doesn't sound likely. Try to remind yourself why you started the course in the first place and try to channel some of that motivation.

You've actually only been with your partner for 2 years now, and although you're now helping him out a lot with his business, it's risky to place more importance on that than your own future, nothing is certain and the thought of giving it all up to support his business then being left with nothing doesn't sound ideal.

Original poster
ClearlyFromTheBack · 11/01/2021 08:40

@theantsgomarchin

Honestly it just sounds like you're just really not into the course anymore. Realistically, if you quit now would you ever return? It doesn't sound likely. Try to remind yourself why you started the course in the first place and try to channel some of that motivation.

You've actually only been with your partner for 2 years now, and although you're now helping him out a lot with his business, it's risky to place more importance on that than your own future, nothing is certain and the thought of giving it all up to support his business then being left with nothing doesn't sound ideal.

Significantly longer than 2 years, and it is legally my business as much as his.

I really want to complete it, but financially and practically life has become a nightmare over the last year- and that's entirely unrelated to the course itself (except for the drop in teaching etc, which again is not the actual course at fault it's due to COVID)

OP posts:
Original poster
ClearlyFromTheBack · 11/01/2021 08:42

@FippertyGibbett

So basically you’re only half way there and you’re struggling. If it’s breaking you, you need to walk away or maybe pause it. For me the kids come first and you need to be ok for them.
I've completed 2 full years, but completing this year as well doesn't give me any better job options than not completing it, I need masters for a professional qualification and registration.
OP posts:
dontdisturbmenow · 11/01/2021 08:43

Personally I'd prioritise it. You've invested a lot into it.

You and your kids won't remember in 10 years time that for a few months, they didn't get all the support for their education and they won't be the only ones by far in that situation.

You will definitely remember how close you were to finishing it but all your hard work amounted to nothing.

StoryOfANewName · 11/01/2021 08:43

Is this your first degree and are you in England? If so, Student Finance England allows for an extra year of funding in case of illness/funding etc. Student Finance England refer to it as a "Gift Year" I believe. Something similar may well exist in the Scotland, NI and Wales; I just don't know about it.

Also, your university should have policies on what proportion of fees are due depending on when you suspend your studies. If you were to suspend now and come back at the same time next year, for instance (so this would depend on the assignments staying the same I suppose) you shouldn't have to pay for the whole year twice.

The university obviously should have been giving you more support and before making the final decision to suspend it would be worth talking to your academic tutor and/or pastoral support and/or the student union, setting out what safety nets were in place last year and why it is impossible to continue this year without them. If they can offer you two month extensions again, especially given you have no chance of childcare due to lockdown.

I'm sorry it's so tough. You've done extremely well to get so far along in your degree whilst running a business and caring for all your children. I hope you will be given some proper support by the university.

StoryOfANewName · 11/01/2021 08:44

in case of illness/suspension etc I meant to put

Mumdiva99 · 11/01/2021 08:45

As a family there is a risk of both of you relying on one business for income. If, God forbid, the business goes then your home income ceases. Whereas if you qualify you will have a steady income and a career.

Definitely speak to uni. Ask them what your options are. Is there a welfare team? Call them. Please don't completely throw away your work so far. Pausing it or taking a break seem the best options. But aim to get back and complete this degree (even if you don't immediately chose to do the next degree the option will be there for you in a few years.)