AIBU To quit uni?

[ClearlyFromTheBack]

Name changed because it's so outing, I don't want it linked to my other threads.

I'm a mature student, year three at uni but nothing handed in yet, 5 kids between myself and my partner now obviously all at home (two with SN and one with a life threatening medical condition that could hospitalise her any moment), and my partner and I run a business.

I'm just broken, and so stressed that I can't do anything well.

Last year, the uni gave us a safety net for our grades, this year we have nothing, they put me on a support plan when the kids were home and some of my deadlines were extended by as much as two months.

This year, we've had next to nothing in terms of teaching (not the lecturers fault at all!) and even then, I struggle without face to face, have no safety net, and although I've got a couple of standard extension it's just not enough. I have a 3500 word assignment due in tomorrow which just isn't ready, another 5000 on the 21st, and another 3000 on the 25th. The kids need huge amounts of attention, we can't afford to spend any less time on the business or we'll risk losing everything.

I'm going to email uni again when the kids have finished breakfast, and start working again, but I just don't see how I can get through this. AIBU to just give up now and maybe redo my third year next year or the year after?

@StoryOfANewName

Is this your first degree and are you in England? If so, Student Finance England allows for an extra year of funding in case of illness/funding etc. Student Finance England refer to it as a "Gift Year" I believe. Something similar may well exist in the Scotland, NI and Wales; I just don't know about it.

Also, your university should have policies on what proportion of fees are due depending on when you suspend your studies. If you were to suspend now and come back at the same time next year, for instance (so this would depend on the assignments staying the same I suppose) you shouldn't have to pay for the whole year twice.

The university obviously should have been giving you more support and before making the final decision to suspend it would be worth talking to your academic tutor and/or pastoral support and/or the student union, setting out what safety nets were in place last year and why it is impossible to continue this year without them. If they can offer you two month extensions again, especially given you have no chance of childcare due to lockdown.

I'm sorry it's so tough. You've done extremely well to get so far along in your degree whilst running a business and caring for all your children. I hope you will be given some proper support by the university.

Thank you x

Unfortunately I don't have the option of a gift year because of once being young and stupid and going to uni on the wrong course at 18 because it was the expected thing to do...

@dontdisturbmenow I wish I could, I just can't ignore them and carry on. Maybe I should, but I just can't do it

To be honest I would probably do my best to talk to the Uni about extensions and try and complete things this year regardless. It will be completely shit while you are doing it but you are so close to the end- only a few months to go and it would be a huge waste of money/time if you don't finish.

Even if you decide not to do the masters you will still have a degree which will increase job prospects.

Are there any things you can do in the short term to increase support? Childcare bubbles, talking to your/your partners ex's about sharing the childcare etc?

First stop definitely should be the university support team. I am sure they will do their best to help.

What is your degree in? Are you sure you need to do the masters as well? What about a scheme like this? www.gov.uk/guidance/step-up-to-social-work-information-for-applicants

@Mumdiva99

As a family there is a risk of both of you relying on one business for income. If, God forbid, the business goes then your home income ceases. Whereas if you qualify you will have a steady income and a career.

Definitely speak to uni. Ask them what your options are. Is there a welfare team? Call them. Please don't completely throw away your work so far. Pausing it or taking a break seem the best options. But aim to get back and complete this degree (even if you don't immediately chose to do the next degree the option will be there for you in a few years.)

Actually the business is in an unusually secure position as long as we keep the work up (Covid aside) and my partner has an alternative career he can kickstart almost instantly as we maintain it in the background of the business as we have those contingencies in place. If I start working separately from the business whether now or in six months my likely income would be the same, it would only go up after another two years of study for masters and even then, social work is not exactly a high income. Definitely the steadiest income possible short of waiting another 2.5-3 years of study is to invest the time in the business.

I won't give too much info on the business as it's public facing, but it's an unusual area that most people won't have a detailed awareness of the workings of.

[quote SallyMcNally]To be honest I would probably do my best to talk to the Uni about extensions and try and complete things this year regardless. It will be completely shit while you are doing it but you are so close to the end- only a few months to go and it would be a huge waste of money/time if you don't finish.

Even if you decide not to do the masters you will still have a degree which will increase job prospects.

Are there any things you can do in the short term to increase support? Childcare bubbles, talking to your/your partners ex's about sharing the childcare etc?

First stop definitely should be the university support team. I am sure they will do their best to help.

What is your degree in? Are you sure you need to do the masters as well? What about a scheme like this? www.gov.uk/guidance/step-up-to-social-work-information-for-applicants[/quote]
The residential elements of things like the step up scheme make it impossible for me to consider unfortunately, the two year masters is my only available route.

We don't have anybody able to help on the childcare front (I do have people that would in a heart beat if they could, but they're all frontline workers) my ex has as little to do with the kids as possible and there are safeguarding reasons that my partners ex isn't a safe option.

It's just all such bad timing. If Covid hadn't happened, there would never have been a question of me not continuing.

Anyway, I must email the uni now and then at least try to keep this deadline for tomorrow. I'm really grateful for the advice so far, I'm not surprised that it's a mixture, if anyone has any additional insight, I'd welcome it, but I will be a lot slower replying now so I can work.

You can apply to SFE for an additional year of funding, even if you've already had the additional year. If you can submit evidence of extenuating circumstances to SFE about this year, then it's effectively disregarded (though obviously you'd still have to pay the fees already incurred). Call your GP and explain the stress you're under, and ask if they'll provide a letter supporting your reasons for withdrawing.

I've known many people be granted an additional year's funding for health reasons, in fact I've never known an application be declined. Though we can't be sure, I'd expect SFE to be more generous over this year than normal.

Also speak to student support services, they'll know the process better than I do, and will quite possibly provide a letter of support as well.

Don't quit! Talk to the uni about taking a sabbatical. They're sometimes only one year but maybe your uni does differently

Here's a better explanation.

www.westminster.ac.uk/current-students/university-life/student-finance/student-finance-england-funding/funding-for-repeat-years

My uni have been absolutely shocking in terms of support too so I really feel for you, I was on track to a 1st and now I'm barely getting 2:1 grades! Since you've name changed would you mind naming uni, maybe we can help with what support is available? You should be able to put in extenuating circumstances or a further extension request if the other extension was blanket as they do realise there are people who will be disadvantaged more than the normal student, there will be a way. Do you have a personal tutor or module leader you can speak to for advice? Just be completely honest with them. I'm in a very similar position, though I just have one SN child and it's just me, I'm on my last term now. I've considered the same, but we really can't give up now, we will 100% regret it. We've hardly got anything left to go and all the hard work and juggling over the past 2.5 years will have been for nothing. It will be well worth it to have a degree even if you put your all into the business for a few years once you've finished, because once it's there it's there, your children will know you have worked hard for their futures and made it work when it seemed impossible. That's something to be extremely proud of. If nothing else deferring the term is worth looking into but I'd look at that as the last resort (shouldn't affect your fees!) as opposed to up and quitting. Try not to even think of it as an option. If you want to talk OP you can DM me..it's all very stressful!

Every student faces pressure to get work handed in on time. If you have time to sit on mumsnet, then you have time to finish an assessment. Just come off here and start working on it instead. Take it a step at a time and do this assessment furst, then the next one due. But fgs stop wasting time on mumsnet when you have a deadline looming!

Sorry to hear you’re struggling OP

If I were you I would carry on. As a PP said, you’ve put a good few years into the degree and if you quit now you’ve got nothing to show for it, you can’t return and retake the year as you’ve got no funding left so ultimately you’ll be tens of thousands of pounds in debt (not to mention the hard work wasted) and you won’t even be walking away with a degree. Stick it out and submit anything you can, if it all goes to pot and you walk away with a third then you walk away with a third but that’d be preferable to walking away with nothing in my eyes!

What were your 2nd year grades like? If you were pleased with them and they count towards your final grade maybe that could take some of the pressure of?

And yy to doing your assignment now, what time is it due? I've been known to scrap and restart an entire assignment with 2 hours to go in the middle of the night if I didn't feel it was my best. Silly maybe but I felt it was best at the time and just sat down and bashed out 5000 words

@ClearlyFromTheBack

I'm thinking that this september will still be unsettled and if I'm stopping now (unless I sign up for distance learning over two years) that I'll be better off waiting an extra year.

The spanner in the works is that I don't have another year of funding from SFE available, so will need to find an extra £9K in fees to redo the year- as well as not being eligible for maintenance loan, so it will be very costly. But even If I manage to hand something gradeable in tomorrow, I just don't see how I can get through the next few months.

As standard, SFE allow an extra year of funding ("gift year") to allow for people repeating a year, or dropping out of one uni in first year and restarting elsewhere.

If you've already used that, you'd need to apply for funding for what's known as "compelling personal reasons", and one of the accepted reasons for that is caring responsibilities
www.gov.uk/guidance/going-back-to-uni-or-repeating-a-year

Please defer! Also ask whether they can award an HND/HNC in the meantime, as you've paid for those years already. It would be such a shame to throw away the hard work you've done when you're in the final year. Juggling study with 5 children is nothing short of amazing

As a former university lecturer, I'd say speak to the uni! Do you have a pastoral supervisor /tutor or something like that?
At my old uni, I would have probably advised you to take a leave of absence for a year, then your studies are kind of "paused" for a year. Once the LOA is granted, you have the whole year to decide if you want to come back, but it keeps your options open.

@ClearlyFromTheBack Hi Op, hope you manage to get some work done today and ready to submit. It was by chance I read this post and I didn’t want to read and run, but wanted to say that I have a friend who is a University mentor for mature students, she works with students on assignments, organisation and other things (she specialises in Education, social work and Child psychology). She is working remotely but has started to branch out and support mature students as there is little help out there for them at the moment. If you would like, I am happy do message you her details and maybe that extra support could really help. I really hope everything work outs for you

I struggled when nurseries shut last year and didn't manage to finish the year of Uni. Like you I had already used the "gift year" from student finance, but I was able to put forwards a compelling personal reasons claim. I wrote a letter explaining how it was not possible to continue studying under the unforeseen circumstances, my course leader wrote an accompanying letter, and it was accepted. I got an extra years tuition and maintenance loan. Have you looked into this? X

Absolutely speak to your uni about the options available to you. At my uni, the course administrator was very helpful when I needed to apply for extenuating circumstances. I would also urge you to speak to Student Services at your uni asap. You have options available to you, and I think after a bit of breathing room, you will feel more able to continue with your studies. It sounds like you have a huge amount on your plate, and sorting uni out will take the pressure off bit. I wouldn't follow the advice to just walk away from uni completely, you have invested a lot of time and effort in to your studies. Talk through your options with the university before making any decisions.

@Orf1abc thank you x I did contact SFE last week, but no reply as expected.

@MummytoCSJH thank you for your understanding x I'm just so broken right now. I've not handed in anything for this year yet, still got two dissertations to do (joint honours) and all the other modules too. I think my kids see how hard I've worked so far, and hope they'll understand that it's ok to admit if you're struggling and respond to that accordingly.

yeah @GreenlandTheMovie, I was expecting that kind of response. What you don't realise is that I've pushed and pushed until I'm at the point where the amount of work left by tomorrow is physically impossible to do. No matter how hard I work over the next 24 hours, it is simply impossible to have anything actually good enough to submit. In normal circumstances I would hide in a room at uni and be able to whack stuff out, but that isn't possible with the kids home and me unable to escape. Besides the fact I had already said I was on here while sorting the kids out for breakfast and then went to start working.

@AvocadosBeforeMortgages That's what I asked SFE about and they haven't replied.

@ALightFromTheShadows when I say quit, it would just be for this year. I absolutely want to finish it, I just don't see how that's possible at the moment.

@JustAnotherUserinParadise I'm in contact with the student engagement team and they've sent me the intercalation forms. I'm too emotional to actually discuss it with anyone though, even typing I'm crying.

I'm really grateful that the majority of comments have been supportive and understanding, whether agreeing with me taking time out or not. I genuinely can't think clearly enough to produce work right now, and once I started crying had to stop trying.

OP - I'm there as well at the moment - TALK TO THE UNI! Keep talking.

I've sat down with my tutor and we've worked out ways to move some of my workload into the "dead" examination period (we only have one exam) to even things out and make the next couple of months more achievable - or I could have suspended studies and come back in at this point in time in the following year as another option. They were very supportive - but I needed to take the first step and initiate the contact.

Also make your issues known to the students union - I went ballistic on ours when they were ignoring the situation this current shitfest left mature students in - they simply had not thought beyond their own little bubble. Depending on the school as well - talk to them - you're mentally struggling, the kids have needs which could make them vulnerable - and you're also doing a course which can be deemed to be a future keyworker function... you might get some joy depending on how obliging and full they are.

It's tough. You've come so far. Your tutor and the student services team are a good place to begin. I would avoid quitting, it becomes the thing you never did finish. If you can hold out to dinner then you have the degree, you can always take a break after and not go on to masters straight away. One option might be to go part time.

I redid year 2 two times (once at a different uni) 😂 it's possible to apply for another year of student finance if you have extenuating circumstances :)

Talk to the Uni. They will do their best to help you complete.

Going forward could you look at a reduced study load? Like one subject a semester just so you're moving forward even if it is at a reduced pace

I would definitely not quit, this is education you need for the long term and it’s worth any amount of short term misery to obtain. It’s also not a good position to be in, relying purely on a partner and his business—if the relationship fails you may have a lot of difficulty, regardless of how it’s structured.

First thing first: the business being busy. If it’s profitable, then hire a temp to cover you surely? You are paying £00000s for your education, it makes no sense to waste this money. Homeschooling: agree with the others, do what you can, can you afford to get any tutors or anything to relieve pressure? Or put them on Skype to a family member. But their education can recover, at this point you need to pass your degree for the sake of the entire family.

It’s not selfish to put yourself first in this situation. You having a career and being able to support your children is as much for them as for you.

And getting your coursework done: easy to say, but you just need to put your head down and do it, through tears if necessary. Red bull, earplugs and “no I am busy” are your friends