...to think that partners can be too attentive?

[Leavemeaminute]

DP is staying with me at present.

I’m finding him too attentive. We’re sat on the sofa various shite on the telly, I’m doing bits and bobs on my phone and iPad, etc.

He’s just constantly at me like “are you okay?”, “you look sad?”, “you seem a bit distracted”, “can I do anything for you?”, “how’s your insert ailment?”, “is your coffee okay?”.

God, it’s exhausting. I feel like I can’t just sit here with my resting bitch face and doom-scroll without having to appraise my emotional and physical state every 30 seconds.

This all sounds benign enough.

But there is a something that always makes me a bit more uncomfortable. He seems to unnecessarily concern himself with my concentration on whatever is on the TV at the time. In my peripheral vision I see his head swing in my direction to check if I’m paying it my full attention, particularly if I’ve been on my phone a little while. And occasionally he’ll try to catch me out by going “OMG, did you see that?!” at what he perceives to be a significant scene, and when I’m like “oh, I didn’t see it, what happened?”, he’ll get all huffy and make a show of rewinding even though I couldn’t give two shits.

I just feel so surveilled all the time, during what should be my down time. Is this normal?

It’s obviously nice to have a partner concerned with my well-being, as I’ve had one too far the opposite way and that was awful, but this is quite suffocating.

I feel sorry for him
.

Have you tried have phone/iPad free time?

Oh no help. My partner has come to stay and is actually expecting attention and is asking how I am. Has he no manners?

I do have iPad/phone free time. He also has an iPad, a Nintendo switch, a phone, a PlayStation and various other things he does, all of which he is allowed to get on with without my input.

How often do you ask him how he is, if he needs anything, what he’s up to?

Do you like him? He seems to annoy you a lot. Maybe have him move out again?

Sorry but I think yabu. Enjoy the TV with him and give it your attention or make it clear you are not watching and he can watch what he wants

Well, it sounds as if he wants to watch something with you and tour always on the phone, which is annoying him.

What do you do when he's on other devices?

Do you spend time together off screens? Do you pay attention to him?

Sounds like you need to talk to him. Tell him to stop checking up on you, tell him how it makes you feel.

You're, not tour

I can't get past "doom scroll" - pissing myself

YANBU

that would do my nut in

Look up attachment styles. You sound "avoidant", while he is more anxious/preoccupied.

Reading this out to my DH and we are both in stitches at the head swing - us exactly. I just tell him to piss off (he's always telling me to get off MN during series binges)

Do you spend any quality time together? While he sounds annoying, it does sound a bit like he's trying to engage you in conversation but you keep shutting him down.

To clarify, this is not just happening this week, it’s a continuous theme of our relationship, but it’s come to my attention more as we’ve spent a lot more time together.

And yes, I do enquire about his well-being and show affection for him, I make him drinks and cuddle him, and hold his hand when we’re sat watching the telly.

For example, he’s watching football, but he still needs my input, “look at this goal”, “hahha, look at player”, etc etc. He’ll WhatsApp his pals throughout the football to discuss what’s going on. I’d like to get up and go and do something else in the house while he enjoys his football for a few hours, but I know he’ll probably switch it off or constantly seek reassurance from me that he’s okay to watch it and I don’t need his company or assistance, that I’m okay, hydrated, not sad, etc etc.

I’m not the bitch that I’ve obviously portrayed myself to be in my OP. But this seems very co-dependent. I don’t get anything done when he’s here because unless we’re glued together on the sofa with our eyes staring at the TV he will constantly seek reassurance.

No this would annoy the fuck out of me, he sounds needy as

resting bitch face made me laugh. To be honest I'd find that a bit annoying too, I know he seems nice but it seems to be on his terms, like he expects you to watch the tv with him when he wants to but he's allowed to play in his switch, PS4 whenever he wants!

That sounds nice tbh, if you don't want him I'll have him maybe you just don't like him that much?

That would absolutely do my head in and very quickly start putting me off him

You need to speak to him about this

But this seems very co-dependent. I don’t get anything done when he’s here because unless we’re glued together on the sofa with our eyes staring at the TV he will constantly seek reassurance
Well there you go. I think this really says it all. Break up..so you can both fond someone more suited to you and your needs. It doesn't sound as though you are happy op.

My husband is mildly like this, it's annoying when I'm thinking and don't want to be disturbed. I hear you OP.

he will constantly seek reassurance.

Sounds like a puppy!

I’m with you OP- what you describe is nice for perhaps 50% of the time but you have to be allowed some space sometimes as well. A healthy relationship would have a mix of some of this stuff and some time to yourself surely.

Haha I would hate that!

I used to have an ex the same. He would follow me around the house like a lapdog asking if I was ok in a put on voice.

Maybe you're not compatible? I have to say I would find his behaviour suffocating as well. But that's just me. There are time I like to be left alone.

How long have you been together?

You’re incompatible. That’s okay. But be honest and end it. You’d both annoy me in different ways.