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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In law advice? Do I get involved?

79 replies

Dotty1219 · 10/01/2021 12:26

Its a weird one. My partner and I have been together for 6 years, always gotten on well with his parents. We don't see them much, as its a fair drive, but will go round when we can. Everything has always been friendly, and they've treated me well, always remember my birthday etc. I chat to his mum regularly. I thought we had a good relationship.

Before Christmas we rescued a 15 month old rescue dog. He was originally rescued in Romania as a pup, adopted by a family in the UK who had to give him up. We went through a shelter charity to do this, had a virtual home check, paid the fees etc and eventually met up with his current family and brought him home. The whole process took around a month, and hes doing really well. We aren't sure what he's mixed with, but we think possibly a rottweiler and a husky, so as you can imagine hes quite a big dog. He's a very sweet natured boy, needed some training (mainly some manners while walking, not pulling his lead and getting a little excited when he sees other dogs), but we've been putting a lot of time in and hes really improving.

I kept my MIL informed of the whole process, she likes dogs and knew we wanted one for a while, so she was as excited as us, sent photos and info about him. We went over for Christmas Dinner so they could meet the dog. He was really well behaved (other then pulling on his lead on a walk), they seemed to like him, even brought him some Christmas presents. I thought we all had a really nice day.

Now heres where it gets a bit strange. Boxing day they called my partner and asked if he was on his own to speak to. Basically they called him to say we should get rid of the dog, because he "looks dangerous", he could be agressive, he might bite someone (this is all based on how he looks). Then the conversation moved on to how I was awful for forcing him to sleep on the sofa (he casually mentioned we were getting a new sofa bed, as he has periods of really bad night terrors and restless legs, to the point he's actually hit me (not his fault at all). We don't have a spare room, so we've gotten a sofa bed so one of us can sleep downstairs if its bad. He hasn't sleept on the sofa in months because it seems to have settled down recently). They've also decided we must be in debt because we got them nice Xmas presents (we aren't) The conversation ended with them telling him that he can move home any time, and asking him not to fall out with them. He basically told them everything was fine, the dog is fine and we aren't getting rid of him.

We haven't heard from them since. He text them to say happy new year, and got nothing back. His birthday is coming up soon, and his mum would usually speak to me about it, but nothing. I have an awful feeling that they won't even wish him a happy birthday.

I wouldn't usually get involved, but my heart is breaking for him. He doesn't have any other family (they fell out with them too 🙄) and he said to me the other night, how he has noone now. Im completely baffled by it all, its come out of nowhere. I want to text them, but also don't want to make anything any worse. I know its affecting him more then he's letting on, the night terrors are back with a vengeance since this all started. Im so confused, have everythings been fine for 6 years, now all of a sudden they don't like our dog so they've cut their only son out their life?

OP posts:
Elieza · 13/01/2021 16:37

How’s your DH taken their latest response?

If it were me (I’m a dog with a bone) and if I were him I’d be texting right back about how we followed all the rules, stuff you said re meet outside etc, nobody’s in danger. Etc etc.

I’d give them a way out by saying I’d totally understand why you’d be worried had we done the wrong things you feared but now you know we have done everything by the book I hope that normal conversation can be resumed.

That way if they dig their heels in about things they can have a way out to save face if they wish to be friendly

Up to DH to deal with this. Shame they are so bloody minded and stubborn.

Dotty1219 · 13/01/2021 17:00

@billy1966 he's not so bothered about his dad, its more his mum he wants in his life (I have a feeling his mum is the mouthpiece for his dad at the moment, she said said something daft like "enjoyed eating the chocolate you got us for Christmas, dad won't admit they were nice though because hes still annoyed"). After this I'm not particularly bothered about having any contact with them, but if DP wants to thats fine by me. I have a get out with the dog anyway. If we ever visit them its an hours drive there and an hour back, so we usually stay around 4 hours. They've made it very clear the dog isn't welcome, and obviously it isn't fair to leave him alone for 6 hours so I'd have to stay with him 😏

He did say something that made me quite sad for him last night. "Well I know how this goes with my dad now, so every Christmas/birthday/event will be awkward, and I dont want you to be excluded, but now theyve made you feel so unwelcome I don't want to take you round there either. ". Imagine making your child feel that way! I've told him I dont mind what he does, he doesn't need to choose between me or them. Also we don't really want kids so at least that's one problem we don't have to face 🙈

@Elieza DP hasn't responded yet, he wanted to sleep on it. He's quite annoyed, and confused because theyve totally changed why they're annoyed. They never said anything about this before. I suggested when he messages back, ask them to clarify why they're annoyed as they seem to be switching between demanding we get rid of the dog, travelling with covid, me being controlling and abusive (because we bought a sofa bed), us being in debt "because we bought them nice Christmas presents (we aren't in debt, we just wanted to get them some nice things and it was nothing particularly extravagant anyway), and wanting him to move out. The whole situation is completely bizzare. Once we know what it actually is they're so angry about we can figure out what to do. Its his birthday on Sunday so will keep you all updated, to see if they bother sending him a card or wishing him a happy birthday. Ive made some plans (as much as I can in lockdown anyway) so hopefully he'll have a nice day regardless

OP posts:
Dotty1219 · 13/01/2021 17:02

Just to clarify I meant travelling with the covid situation, not we were travelling with/having covid. 🙈

OP posts:
Elieza · 14/01/2021 09:48

Can he speak to his dad himself and get the lowdown direct from the horses mouth?

Sounds like the mum could even be bullying the dad and the dad doesn’t have a voice of his own. My stepmother did that. None of us knew. My dad didn’t tell anyone for years.

If she is bullying the dad then your DH needs to get the dad away from the mum and spend man to man time with him to see if he lightens up and is nice when it’s just the two of them. Not easy during covid.

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