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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH and lazy parenting of lazy teens

57 replies

Lechatnoir · 09/01/2021 14:05

AIBU To think that DH needs to step up and be more proactive in motivating our DC? We both work full time so teenage children are pretty much left to their own devices during the week. They are thankfully pretty good about getting the school work done but when they're not doing lessons/homework they are glued to a screen and no amount of persuasion will get them out of the front door unless we are there to physically take them out which isn't possible when we're working.

I work on a Saturday & have just phoned home and they are all still in pyjamas watching TV This isn't a one-off as pretty much every Saturday is 'laze around with dad while mum isn't there to nag us' day. They will do a bit of housework but frankly I'd rather they left the house work if it meant they actually went outdoors & got a bit of sunshine and let off steam. The kids don't mind and seem to be coping okay with lockdown but I don't think this is good for them in the long term plus really don't like the fact that the only time they get out is a walk on Sunday and same on my day off Tuesday when i take them out for a half hour run or walk. DH is the problem and I'm getting pissed off but just get told to stop nagging

So, AIBU and given he does a physical job should I just leave them be or do we need a more serious conversation about parental responsibility?

OP posts:

Branleuse · 09/01/2021 14:13

id lay off them tbh. Lazy saturday in pyjamas during a pandemic is fine. Theyre doing some chores too. Whats the big deal

pointythings · 09/01/2021 14:15

We're in a pandemic. The weather is shite - sunshine? It's wall to wall fog here and it's bloody freezing.

Teenagers love to laze around in their PJs. As long as their school work gets done, let it go.

daisyjgrey · 09/01/2021 14:16

It's a pandemic, a lockdown and it's Baltic. Leave them be.

RigaBalsam · 09/01/2021 14:17

Agree! What else is there to do? Some people love walking. I do but my husband hates it. Agree it can be good for them but people going on about it doesn't help.

Sparklesocks · 09/01/2021 14:17

I think that’s just what a lot of teens do! And I don’t think older teens benefit from ‘letting off steam’ on a chilly walk the same way younger kids do. They’re happy to hibernate. I think I would let it go, personally.

BellsaRinging · 09/01/2021 14:18

Sounds pretty standard round here. I do get the rage when I get home and find them lazing around, and have to remind myself of two things. One; actually a lot of me being jealous I don't get the opportunity to do it and two; i was like that as a teen too. In a cold pandemic I'd let it lie. But i get it, I really do!

pinkyredrose · 09/01/2021 14:18

Stop worrying, go and watch a film with them.

pjmask · 09/01/2021 14:19

Op I also have this urge to get my kids out in the fresh air, however I have to curb it, and try to just be proud and grateful that they are doing their school day as normal at home in these weird circumstances. I know many teens are doing very little, or nothing. School work is essential, so these houses must be a battleground but yours needn't be. Pjs and films is a great way to spend a weekend at the moment, if they are happy and their mental health is good then I would leave them to it

MsTSwift · 09/01/2021 14:19

Chill out. It’s grey cold and miserable here. Our Teens have done YouTube exercise to be fair. Found myself nagging them about a walk then stopped myself. Weather is rubbish and we’ve been told to stay in.

ShandlersWig · 09/01/2021 14:19

Run off steam? They are not toddlers.

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 09/01/2021 14:19

In this day and age, pandemic and all, I would leave it.

Unless they start to show a dip in their moods.

Tenyearsgone · 09/01/2021 14:19

Leave them be ffs. You do sound like you are nagging.

mrsm43s · 09/01/2021 14:22

What? They're getting their school work done. They're even doing a bit of housework! Leave them be.

They don't want to go out, and that's their choice.

Stop being so controlling.

You husband should be free to make his own choices too! He's really not the problem here, you are!

giantangryrooster · 09/01/2021 14:23

Choose you battles. As long as they are on top of school, leave them to it. Cosy up with them and have a nice time.

relievedlady · 09/01/2021 14:24

Op in normal times I work Saturdays while my teenage dc are home with their dad.

Most Saturdays they have lazy mornings in pjs online etc and he has a lie in.
He works long hours during the week.

By the time I get home on a Saturday they're bumbling round doing what teenagers do but they aren't nagged as it's a day off.

At the moment I'm off work so today I'm up and dressed done two loads of washing emptied the dishwasher and fed the dogs. I'm about to clean the inside of my car.

Both teenagers are still in pjs.
Ones watching Harry Potter while the others online doing some school bits whilst on chat to her mate.
Dh isn't well and is knackered due to covering for furloughed staff so he's in pjs watching a film.

We are in a pandemic.
Times are very strange.
Let them be.

Letting them have down time is more important than ever right now.

As an adult I've found this last year so bizarre so you can imagine how it feels for them.

oohmyback · 09/01/2021 14:24

I agree with you and my dh I the same. It pisses me off that I'm the only one thinking about their health and well-being and he's just doing anything for an easy life. Sure they can be allowed to have a lazy Saturday in a cold lockdown but only if dh takes his turn at encouraging them to do things. He suggested we go for a walk today but I have lots if work and housework to do so I suggested they all go without me. Turns out he can't do it unless I coordinate it all and plan the walk....so they're not going and I'll have to take them tomorrowv🙄

Bazoo23 · 09/01/2021 14:25

How do you imagine them "letting off steam?" A walk in the woods or trip to the park doesnt hold the same appeal for teens unfortunately

pinkpolo · 09/01/2021 14:25

@mrsm43s

What? They're getting their school work done. They're even doing a bit of housework! Leave them be.

They don't want to go out, and that's their choice.

Stop being so controlling.

You husband should be free to make his own choices too! He's really not the problem here, you are!

This

Downtheplath · 09/01/2021 14:26

What else do you want them to do? We're in a lockdown.

SlatternIsMyMiddleName · 09/01/2021 14:26

Different rules on a Saturday, it’s the weekend! And it’s freezing, I would think you were insane if you tried to make me go out in that.

CoolCatTaco · 09/01/2021 14:26

Leave them alone ffs, this is a non issue.

theseriousmoonlight · 09/01/2021 14:27

Honestly, I'd leave them to it. It's a bloody horrible time to be a teenager so any chance they get to relax, I'd let them.

You sound like you need to relax a little too - life is too short to get het up about this.

YouBeYou · 09/01/2021 14:28

Yeah stop nagging OP. They're teenagers for crying out loud - I don't think I left my room for about 4 years at one point.

Let them laze about with their dad. You're making yourself the bad guy, the unfun parent, the strict one etc.

Chill your boots and have a shandy.

StormTreader · 09/01/2021 14:29

"letting off steam" is for toddlers, just let them enjoy their weekend ffs!

Rosebel · 09/01/2021 14:29

Let it go. We have two teenagers and the effort to get them out of the house isn't worth it, although they were pretty happy to do it in the summer
I love a lazy day. I have told my husband he'll have to take our youngest out on Saturdays when I'm working and he's a bit bigger (only 6 months now)
As long as school work is done I don't stress about much else.

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