DH and lazy parenting of lazy teens

[Lechatnoir]

AIBU To think that DH needs to step up and be more proactive in motivating our DC? We both work full time so teenage children are pretty much left to their own devices during the week. They are thankfully pretty good about getting the school work done but when they're not doing lessons/homework they are glued to a screen and no amount of persuasion will get them out of the front door unless we are there to physically take them out which isn't possible when we're working.

I work on a Saturday & have just phoned home and they are all still in pyjamas watching TV This isn't a one-off as pretty much every Saturday is 'laze around with dad while mum isn't there to nag us' day. They will do a bit of housework but frankly I'd rather they left the house work if it meant they actually went outdoors & got a bit of sunshine and let off steam. The kids don't mind and seem to be coping okay with lockdown but I don't think this is good for them in the long term plus really don't like the fact that the only time they get out is a walk on Sunday and same on my day off Tuesday when i take them out for a half hour run or walk. DH is the problem and I'm getting pissed off but just get told to stop nagging

So, AIBU and given he does a physical job should I just leave them be or do we need a more serious conversation about parental responsibility?

I would leave them to it. Teenagers need to sleep a lot, it's freezing cold and they probably need a wind down after a week of home learning.
They'll get irritated if they get nagged or feel like they're being treated like little kids.

I’m like you op but my dc are younger, as teenagers I’d say leave them be, they can choose for themselves.

I think I'd also let it go. In normal times I wouldn't because they should be able to find some form of exercise that they like, and moving is important, but when its frosty and the only thing ita possible to do is go yet another freezing walk round the bloody block, then I can see why they'd rather not

I'm still in my pjs and I'm twice their age at least.

@Lechatnoir

AIBU To think that DH needs to step up and be more proactive in motivating our DC? We both work full time so teenage children are pretty much left to their own devices during the week. They are thankfully pretty good about getting the school work done but when they're not doing lessons/homework they are glued to a screen and no amount of persuasion will get them out of the front door unless we are there to physically take them out which isn't possible when we're working.

I work on a Saturday & have just phoned home and they are all still in pyjamas watching TV This isn't a one-off as pretty much every Saturday is 'laze around with dad while mum isn't there to nag us' day. They will do a bit of housework but frankly I'd rather they left the house work if it meant they actually went outdoors & got a bit of sunshine and let off steam. The kids don't mind and seem to be coping okay with lockdown but I don't think this is good for them in the long term plus really don't like the fact that the only time they get out is a walk on Sunday and same on my day off Tuesday when i take them out for a half hour run or walk. DH is the problem and I'm getting pissed off but just get told to stop nagging

So, AIBU and given he does a physical job should I just leave them be or do we need a more serious conversation about parental responsibility?

Sunshine? Its minus 4 in January!

Whatdo you think they should be doing?

To be fair, I insist DS15 comes on one dog walk with us at the weekend, seeing as he was the one who lobbied for the dog for bloody years. And our cleaners aren't working cos of Covid so the weekly house clean is a joint effort. So we've done the clean and about to go for the walk, and DS can do sweet FA for the rest of the weekend if he wants.

I don't know a single teenager who would voluntarily 'go for a walk' - I do know a group of keen cyclists who would go out on their bikes every day but out for a walk with mum? Nah.

Christ, YABVU.

They're teenagers, not toddlers. They don't need to be taken on family walks to "let off steam".

Sorry op but YABU leave them be, if they want to go outside then they will. But I do admit I say this as someone whose teen dd walks the dog most weekends and youngest dd has indoor gym bars so they are exercising, I might well feel different if neither of them were exercising at all.

We are in unprecedented times, they are doing their homework, helping out, let them be. Put on your PJs and join them!

Chilling out and watching Netflix is exactly how teenagers 'let off steam'.

Ds2 was up by 10am but is currently still sat in his pants on Xbox. The 15 year old has just emerged from his bedroom for the first time today 🤷‍♀️
It’s as foggy and cold as fuck outside and I have no intention of heading out there myself let alone dragging teens out who are perfectly content as they are!

Weekends are for lazing about. We are all still in our pj’s. It’s cold and miserable outside, infact ds hasn’t even surfaced out his bed yet! He hasn’t been out the door since Christmas Day! 😂 he keeps up with his course work and chats to his friends daily online. We are in lockdown, there isn’t much for them to do.

Cut them some slack!

I am your DH and I think you are mine

I do a physical job so, on my time off, I just want to chill, mostly . Even better if the kids are happy doing it, too. And DH nagging me makes me want to do it more when he's not there as, when he's home, I always feel as if we need to be busy as he makes us feel bad for it. Trouble is, all the things I like doing - i.e. reading, tv, crosswords- are sedentary and that's howI unwind. I don't find being active relaxing.

That said, mine are 12 and 16 and have been very argumentative. The older one has gone for a walk but we can't move the younger one, who was getting very irritable earlier with too much screentime. There is a balance needed and we do need to recognise when enough is enough

Hey, if your teens are coping alone during the week, doing their homework and some housework, get along together and with Dad, and stay home on Friday nights, you're winning. Loosen up :-)

Let off steam? They'd have less steam to need to let off if you stopped nagging them.

Hmm I say stay in pjs along as brushed teeth and hair thats fine

I can’t remember either of my parents taking me our for fresh air as a teenager.
In fact I can’t remember them doing very much at all with us. We played board games all day.
I wouldn’t have wanted their company tbh.

You’ve got teenagers who do their school work without input, aren’t dossing about on the local park breaking Covid rules AND do a few chores too! Christ what’s your secret! That’s the dream right there. Leave them be.

Your have teenagers who do chores? In my book you are winning at parenting!!!

Having teenagers instead of young kids has been the one thing I am grateful for during this pandemic, they love to hibernate. I leave mine be at the weekends and just insist they shower and put on clean pjs each day 🤷‍♀️

A run or a walk? Are you a PE teacher?

If not, you might not realise this is the natural state of many teenagers - pyjama clad torpor for a day a week, often only enticed out of their by the prospect of bacon.

They have one day off in that sense. Let them keep it.

Aw God, I'm so glad my mum didn't make me go for walks with them when I was a teenager. Leave them to it!

I was also excruciatingly embarrassed by my parents as a teen and if they had insisted I went a walk with them, I would probably have died of embarassment.

@Amarilike

You’ve got teenagers who do their school work without input, aren’t dossing about on the local park breaking Covid rules AND do a few chores too! Christ what’s your secret! That’s the dream right there. Leave them be.

Agreed!

I bet this stems from OPs parents making her get up and go out as a teen.