DH and lazy parenting of lazy teens

[Lechatnoir]

AIBU To think that DH needs to step up and be more proactive in motivating our DC? We both work full time so teenage children are pretty much left to their own devices during the week. They are thankfully pretty good about getting the school work done but when they're not doing lessons/homework they are glued to a screen and no amount of persuasion will get them out of the front door unless we are there to physically take them out which isn't possible when we're working.

I work on a Saturday & have just phoned home and they are all still in pyjamas watching TV This isn't a one-off as pretty much every Saturday is 'laze around with dad while mum isn't there to nag us' day. They will do a bit of housework but frankly I'd rather they left the house work if it meant they actually went outdoors & got a bit of sunshine and let off steam. The kids don't mind and seem to be coping okay with lockdown but I don't think this is good for them in the long term plus really don't like the fact that the only time they get out is a walk on Sunday and same on my day off Tuesday when i take them out for a half hour run or walk. DH is the problem and I'm getting pissed off but just get told to stop nagging

So, AIBU and given he does a physical job should I just leave them be or do we need a more serious conversation about parental responsibility?

I think that you're treating them like little kids when they're now teens. Teens want to let off steam with their mates who they can't see at the moment because of the ruddy pandemic. No one wants to go for a cold dark winter walk with their parents (did you at 15 or however old they are?). Just let them be. Did you phone just to check up on him? I wouldn't appreciate a partner phoning up to check what I was doing with our kids and judging me. That's probably how your partner feels.

ok it seems I need to get off their backs and invest in good multivitamin to compensate for the lack of sunshine .
I think part of the problem is the DC were so keen on their respective sporting activities and this lack of anything is so far the other extreme. I do worry they won't be interested or lacking the previous self motivation when lockdown is over which is a shame, but then I guess this is the reality of the pandemic for everyone.
The other issue of course is that DH and I are still going out to work & however awful the working day may be, we do still have a sense of normality in our lives and I need to stop trying to micromanage theirs.
Thanks all.

Going against the grain here, and should say that my teens are at the younger end of the scale, but I think getting some fresh air is good for mental health, and as parents, it's our job to push them towards that.
I'm trying to get my kids to leave the house a few times a week at the moment - one is less keen than the other two, but I think it does them all good and they're generally glad to have done it.

And some teens do still need to 'let off steam' (by no means all of them). My DS is 12 1/2, so not technically a teen yet - in normal times he plays organised sport four times a week and has a kickaround with friends most days. He's very fit and a bundle of energy and was bouncing off the walls after a few days of inactivity.

There's a balance, isn't there - everyone needs cutting a bit of slack at the moment and to work out their own needs - but I'm surprised by the pretty unanimous consensus on here that it's OK for teens to choose to get no fresh air or exercise at all.

I know where you are coming from OP.

My daughter will lounge around in her oodie but she admits that really, she wants to get up and dressed but she goes on her phone or laptop and then that makes her lethargic until she can't even be bothered to get dressed.

If I block her phone and laptop, she gets dressed and then she is in a much better, more positive mood and will willingly go out for a walk if it's nice. She fully admits that she feels better when up properly.

@barnanabas I won't nag them while I'm in work because I can see how me calling up DH and suggesting they all go out when I'm at work would be irritating, but on my days off I will certainly still be making sure they get outside when weather permits. And I know 'letting off steam' is really something you associate with younger children, but sitting indoors staring at the same four walls is enough to send even the most sane person slightly potty eventually I don't know I always feel better for a change of scene when I'm at home all day.

I am trying to encourage them out on their bikes as I know they enjoy this once out and have pointed out they are allowed to meet up outdoors with one friend so hopefully this will be an incentive and I'm happy to facilitate arrangements whilst buses and lift shares are off the cards.

Going against the grain here but for mental and physical health it's important to exercise in fresh air daily. I would insist on it. If they want to neglect their health then they can do it when they are adults..

I would leave them be. They come out with you a couple of times a week. It's shit for teens - no company their own age. It sounds like they are coping and doing their school work and some chores.