Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Angry with my partner

53 replies

SnacksRLife · 09/01/2021 04:00

Hi, first post on here. :)

Due in May, all going okay so far, but....

My partner likes a drink at home, not all the time or every night, mainly at weekends. Sometimes he goes a bit too far at home and gets drunk enough to do stupid sh*t, throw up or trip over stuff. As someone who rarely drinks anyway, and obviously now not at all, it annoys me a bit, but hey ho.

As I’ve got further along, I’ve said to him a few times that he’s gonna have to stop the going to far while I’m pregnant and once baby is here, because I can’t pick him up or help him if he needed it. He generally doesn’t, but I didn’t want to be put in the situation full stop.

Anyway, last night/this morning he went too far again and got very drunk. He tends to listen to music in bed, using headphones but it is loud, and dancing a bit, so it doesn’t really let me sleep properly. I was woken up at half 3 by him leaping out of bed, falling over in the bedroom, getting himself up, to the bathroom and violently throwing up for about 10 minutes. He then returned to bed, leaving some small bits of not nice mess on the bathroom floor, to have another mouthful of whatever he was drinking and continue to listen to music for another half hour to so before essentially passing out in bed.

He generally apologises to me for whatever he does in the morning anyway, but this time it has angered me more than normal, because I feel like he’s putting himself in needless harms way, and not listening to me in the process.

I’m not trying to stop him having a drink at all, just going too far with it.

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 09/01/2021 04:24

How prepared are you to be a single mum? Because that’s what your going to be. Start thinking about how to set yourself up as a single mum is the least stressful way possible. This man is not father material.

Terracottasaur · 09/01/2021 04:33

He sounds like he has an alcohol problem. Drinking to the point of vomiting on your own at home isn’t normal. Would he be open to seeking help?

PurpleFlower1983 · 09/01/2021 04:52

Wow, I couldn’t put up with this kind of behaviour, it must be so worrying for you. Does he understand the responsibility involved in being a parent?

Aquamarine1029 · 09/01/2021 05:17

You can't stop him from doing anything, and he clearly doesn't care about your welfare or the fact he's going to be a father soon. Imagine how you'll feel about his disgusting behaviour once the baby is here.

You need to come to grips with the fact that your partner has a serious drinking problem. What he's doing is not normal. You have to decide how much of this bullshit you're willing to put up with. Did you grow up with an alcoholic parent? I hope your baby doesn't.

Lemonpiano · 09/01/2021 05:33

It's not an apology if he then continues the same disrespectful and inconsiderate behaviour.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/01/2021 05:38

I couldn't have respect for a man who got that drunk so regularly. The fact you are worrying (while pregnant) about having to pick him up or help h is ridiculous. Also having to listen to a grown man dance about the bedroom, throw up for 10 mins and keep drinking in the bedroom where you are trying to sleep? WTF?
OP this is not normal.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/01/2021 05:38

Is he going to keep doing this while you have a baby trying to sleep in the room too?

Ginfordinner · 09/01/2021 06:24

Was he like this before you decided to TTC?

sorrysaywhatnow · 09/01/2021 06:56

Wow you sound fairly relaxed about what is clearly a serious alcohol problem.

ivfbeenbusy · 09/01/2021 06:56

How old are you? He sounds very young and immature?

Oreservoir · 09/01/2021 07:05

Well you've got a Prince there.
Have you spoken to anyone irl. He needs a kick up the bum.
Don't hide his behaviour from family. Tell them.
And if he carries on be prepared to leave.

IdentifyingCreamCake · 09/01/2021 07:07

You are talking about this behaviour like it’s fairly normal and no big deal and the only issue is that you’re having a baby so you won’t be able to help him. This is nothing to do with being pregnant or having a baby. Even without that factor, his behaviour is really not normal and very unhealthy. Getting so drunk on your own at home that you’re throwing up? And it’s not even a one off occurrence, sounds like it happens semi-regularly. I would be horrified if my husband or any of my friends partners did this. He clearly has a problem with alcohol. You need to give him an ultimatum, give up drinking (or seriously cut down) or you will end up needing to leave. You can’t bring a baby up in this sort of environment.

Raindancer411 · 09/01/2021 07:13

It doesn't have to be drinking every day to be an alcoholic issue. I think the bit where he came back after and had more again just shows he has an issue.

I wouldn't have that around a baby, especially young. You may need to go ahead with this on your own if he won't face the issue.

Suzi888 · 09/01/2021 07:15

Disgusting.

If he wants to do that he needs to get himself a nice little man cave with portable loo. Outside, in the garden.

Amirite · 09/01/2021 07:17

Growing up, this was my dad. I had to look after him when he did the stupid drunk shit at home. It’s really not normal behaviour and he really needs to seek help. Sorry you’re going through this, do you think he may be using it to cope through lockdown or has he always been like this?

THisbackwithavengeance · 09/01/2021 07:25

Most of us have got war stories from a misspent youth, the uni days, getting pissed and throwing up in the nightclub toilet. Been there and done that.

But your DP has a major problem. He sounds like an idiot tbh, dancing round his own bedroom whilst his partner is trying to sleep. Vomiting in his own bathroom and then drinking afterwards. Seriously? Doesn't he work? Does he not get severe hangovers?

How much do you love him OP? It's very easy for people to say LTB but I know personally how difficult it is to contemplate single parenthood whilst pregnant when its nor what you wanted or hoped for you and your baby.

He needs help but he needs to want to get help and to want to change. I wish you luck OP.

Ffsffsffsffsffs · 09/01/2021 07:32

At what point are you going to ask him how close to your due date is he planning on not drinking so he can get you to the hospital without having to sober up?

You need to talk to him now op. And be prepared, at some point, to parent alone.

My ex was drinking 3/4 boxes of wine a week (yes, 12-16 bottles) and never really stopped, I just got lucky I started labour early in the morning, giving him plenty of time to sober up before we went in late afternoon. The drinking continued, leaving me with the entirity of parenting duties, as well as literally mopping up after him. I could never have even a relaxing social drink as I was always the one who was expected to do all night feeds, all early mornings, all driving after any meals out (he would drink a full bottle of wine by himself if we went for a pub lunch, even at a hungry horse/soft play type place, hardly the environment to enjoy a relaxing glass of wine, nevermind a bottle) and on-call for emergency trips with the dc.

I left eventually. £80 a week minimum on his booze was more than his eventual CMS obligation, which he moans about every month.

He needs to commit to being a present, sober parent. Frankly his behaviour would repel me as a single man, it is completely unacceptable with a baby on the way. If you can't deal with this now, it will not magically resolve itself once baby arrives. Sorry.

SnuggyBuggy · 09/01/2021 07:38

He honestly doesn't sound ready to be a pare t from what you describe. It will be like being a single mum to two children.

TokyoSushi · 09/01/2021 07:41

This is really not normal OP. He's sitting in bed drinking, listening to loud music on headphones, gets up to throw up and then carries on?!

He needs to shape up or ship out.

theantsgomarchin · 09/01/2021 07:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

justanotherneighinparadise · 09/01/2021 07:57

Yeah that’s not normal.

He cannot be getting himself that drunk in a house with a baby. He could end up harming the child.

LakieLady · 09/01/2021 07:58

He has an alcohol problem. You have a partner problem, OP. Don't let his alcohol problem become your problem. He needs to own it and address it.

If he wants to be a parent to his baby, he'll need to learn to stay sober. How can he be trusted to look after his child if he's pissed?

Shoxfordian · 09/01/2021 08:06

He doesn’t sound like a man who wants to be a dad, if he can’t stop drinking like this then it isn’t going to work

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 09/01/2021 08:10

Hes got a problem and now it's your problem too . He wont change when your baby is born . I'd leave him and be honest the reason why "because of his drinking problem ", hopefully he'll get the help he needs in order to be a dad .
It's all very noble helping him but you will have a baby very soon that needs you more .

Cornetttttto · 09/01/2021 08:18

He's a waste of space. Do you really want this kind of man to be a father to your baby?