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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Angry with my partner

53 replies

SnacksRLife · 09/01/2021 04:00

Hi, first post on here. :)

Due in May, all going okay so far, but....

My partner likes a drink at home, not all the time or every night, mainly at weekends. Sometimes he goes a bit too far at home and gets drunk enough to do stupid sh*t, throw up or trip over stuff. As someone who rarely drinks anyway, and obviously now not at all, it annoys me a bit, but hey ho.

As I’ve got further along, I’ve said to him a few times that he’s gonna have to stop the going to far while I’m pregnant and once baby is here, because I can’t pick him up or help him if he needed it. He generally doesn’t, but I didn’t want to be put in the situation full stop.

Anyway, last night/this morning he went too far again and got very drunk. He tends to listen to music in bed, using headphones but it is loud, and dancing a bit, so it doesn’t really let me sleep properly. I was woken up at half 3 by him leaping out of bed, falling over in the bedroom, getting himself up, to the bathroom and violently throwing up for about 10 minutes. He then returned to bed, leaving some small bits of not nice mess on the bathroom floor, to have another mouthful of whatever he was drinking and continue to listen to music for another half hour to so before essentially passing out in bed.

He generally apologises to me for whatever he does in the morning anyway, but this time it has angered me more than normal, because I feel like he’s putting himself in needless harms way, and not listening to me in the process.

I’m not trying to stop him having a drink at all, just going too far with it.

OP posts:
MinnieJackson · 09/01/2021 08:18

How are his hangovers? Does he get up in the morning when things need doing? Pretty soon he's going to have to. Does he drive? If so, what if you needed to get to the hospital urgently? Imagine having to get a taxi, or even worse him going with you! Why can't he stay in the kitchen or living room if he wants to listen to music and have a drink? Drinking in bed is pretty gross aswell and so unfair on you, I bet it makes the room smell. Flowers

AlwaysCheddar · 09/01/2021 08:31

He’s got issues!!!

SnacksRLife · 09/01/2021 09:00

@theantsgomarchin

Sorry but I refuse to believe this thread is true.

The sheer nonchalant attitude of the OP to a situation that is CLEARLY a huge issue is horrifying.

I call troll

Why would someone troll Mumsnet?!? Sorry, nope.

I'd point you towards my Facebook page but the point of this is privacy and discussion 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Ffsffsffsffsffs · 09/01/2021 09:05

@theantsgomarchin

Sorry but I refuse to believe this thread is true.

The sheer nonchalant attitude of the OP to a situation that is CLEARLY a huge issue is horrifying.

I call troll

Well aren't you lucky to have never been in that situation.

I have as I posted up thread, and it's really easy to slip from 'he enjoys a drink with the boys or on a Saturday night' to 'he gets twatted every night and now my life is shit and I don't know how it got to this point and I don't know what to do'.

Boiled frog. Did I ever want to be a single parent because their dad became an alcoholic? No. But I am. I'm lucky that I found a way out before his boozing destroyed much more than the marriage.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/01/2021 09:09

Did he tell you he’d cut down it stop drinking when you were ttc before you had the baby?

How does he think it’ll work when he’s incapacitated either wasted, injured or hungover and you’re wrangling a newborn? How do you expect it to work?

MacDuffsMuff · 09/01/2021 09:12

OP, you sound so used to this behaviour and almost normalise it. It's not normal and is not in any way acceptable, even if you weren't having a baby with this man. Getting pissed up when you're out with your mates and going a bit too far is not ideal but more 'understandable', but drinking on your own at home (presumably you're not drinking with him) to this extent is ridiculous.

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 09/01/2021 09:41

This isnt normal OP and I say that as someone who drinks a lot more than the mumsnet average. Drinking by yourself til you're sick, ok maybe it could happen as a one off but this sounds fairly regular, he has got a really disturbing issue with alcohol. Dancing by himself, continuing to drink after he has been sick etc. Its annoying and worrying now but you will be fuming when there is a baby in the mix and he is disturbing what little sleep you get and unable to participate in family life fhe next day because he is hungover. Does he want to change? Is he worried about the situation? If not you may as well give up trying with him and concentrate on preparing for single life as it is unlikely to change

Cam2020 · 09/01/2021 09:57

Just to echo what other PPs have said, inability to stop drinking does signify a drink a problem - as does the drinking home alone to that extent and the broken promises to stop. He needs to wake up and acknowledge the extent of the issue and get some help.

IMO, it would be best for you to be apart for the time that he is seeking help - assuming he is willing to accept he has a problem. His problem will take all his energy and he poses a danger to you and your baby (even in not intentionally). Where you go after that is up to you. If he refuses to accept he has a problem, then that says everything about his priorities and the extent of his drinking problem.

longwayoff · 09/01/2021 11:19

Are you sure you've chosen future you want? This won't get any better without some intervention. This is a big problem.

Hankunamatata · 09/01/2021 11:30

Why on earth would you get pregnant with him doing this? Drinking until you throw up is not normal.

Winterwoollies · 09/01/2021 11:36

OP, I just came here to profess that I find that really shocking. That behaviour - in bed next to his pregnant partner - is fucked up and utterly disgusting.

You don’t need to live like that. You shouldn’t have to live like that. But you won’t be able to change his behaviour, only he can do that. And it doesn’t sound like he wants to do that any time soon.

Boulshired · 09/01/2021 11:41

It generally peer interaction that leads to the point of vomiting and passing out. I have never trusted a boyfriend who drank excessively by themselves. He needs to stop weekend drinking to this level, and prove he can. Or you need to put in place that he ensures he does not have access to his child this pissed.

BlueSuffragette · 09/01/2021 11:45

Sorry OP but he sounds pathetically immature. He doesnt respect your opinion. When baby arrives will you trust him? If he disturbs the few hours of interrupted sleep you will get you will be even more resentful. I'd take a long hard look at your relationship before baby even arrives. Otherwise it will only go downhill from then anyway.

pinkyredrose · 09/01/2021 11:49

Are you having a baby with an 18yr old? What's your housing situation, rent, own, joint tenancy etc? Wondering if you can ask him to leave.

Meowchickameowmeow · 09/01/2021 11:52

At the very least I would tell him to sleep elsewhere if he wants to drink to a point that he throws up. How can you have that in the bed with you? He needs to make an appointment with his GP to address his drinking and you need to have a serious think if you truly want to raise a family with someone who clearly hasn't grown up.

LouiseTrees · 09/01/2021 11:55

It’s not just that you’ll have a baby and won’t be able to help your partner. It’s that the baby could call into puke, he could fall onto the side of a cot ( waking the baby up or potentially injuring it if it’s a side sleeper that wouldn’t cope well with a grown man falling against it). Baby is meant to be in your room for a while so he couldn’t drink and be noisy in bed. I think you need to have more of a “ you will leave this house if you ever get in that state when baby is here” the conversation.

Cheeseboardandmincepies · 09/01/2021 12:15

He’s clearly an alcoholic.

Nomoresleeps · 09/01/2021 12:19

Nooo that’s really awful behaviour. I feel for you with a baby on the way. That is in no way acceptable.

Sexnotgender · 09/01/2021 12:21

How pregnant are you? This is terrible behaviour. You realistically need to raise this child alone. Believe me it’s much easier to be a single parent than raising a child with an idiot like that!

Godimabitch · 09/01/2021 12:24

It's not about you being able to help him, it's about him not being able to help you. What if something goes wrong and you need to get to hospital? You'll have no choice but to call an ambulance and leave him wankered at home. He could miss the birth of his child even.
How will he help look after baby? What if you have a C section or other complications and you need to rely on him? He's not even safe to be around a baby like that. What he picked them up drunk and dropped them?

Most importantly, why the fuck would you have a kid with a man like this? That poor baby has got an alcoholic waster as a father.

SnuggyBuggy · 09/01/2021 12:25

OP is there anywhere you can go if you can't get him to leave?

MaskingForIt · 09/01/2021 12:25

Presumably you knew he was like before you chose him to be a father for your child? If he was good enough then, why isn’t he good enough now?

Bananalanacake · 09/01/2021 12:58

I hope he cleans up after himself.
Does he earn enough money to pay for the alcohol, it must cost quite abit.

Winterwoollies · 09/01/2021 13:26

I don’t like the trend of berating pregnant women for becoming pregnant with ‘these men’. What’s done is done. What help is giving someone who’s already down and is reaching out, a verbal kicking for their life choices?

Cherrysoup · 09/01/2021 13:30

Getting pissed to the point of puking at home and repeatedly by the sound of it is pretty horrific. I can understand your not wanting to forbid him to drink, but I’d say he has a major problem.