What’s the perks of dating you?

[Lockdowner35]

You can live in a nice house.

I will never not want a takeaway.

I will always want to go to the pub.

I have nice teeth.

I trained as a chef so love to cook. I also have what feels like every on demand service Netflix etc

I’m hilarious.

I scrub up ok.

Apparently I’m an amazing kisser.

I’m a nurse so I can resuscitate you if you collapse.

I’ve a great body and love lots and lots of sex. I drive like a boss and enjoy it but I do also like an occasional drink so you drive there and I’ll drive back. I socialise a lot (during regular times) so you won’t see an unfeasible amount of me. Oh and I’m very confident.

Oh and I’m a ninja when it comes to reverse parking.

I love sex and have a pretty filthy mind.
I love baking cakes.
I'm a pretty good cook.
I'm kind, caring and good at listening.
I'm clever and capable, and get stuff done.
My friends seem to think I'm hilarious.
Drive and have own car. No debt except student loan....

Unfortunately...
I'm untidy, earn peanuts, have 3 kids and a husband and am a bit clingy and needy!.

I can perform basic miracles

I'm sarcastic, dead pan and geeky. I also cook.

I’m a bit too old to date now but my warm caring nature

I'm good with money, will always make sure there is food in your tummy, patient with my children.

Bad

Paranoid, always tired lol

I’m a good cook and sexually adventurous. I have quite long nails so am apparently good at scratching backs. I often come up with weird facts that are mildly entertaining.

Hopefully that is enough to outweigh the bad stuff.

Solvent, pretty, good cook, don’t drink, and no young kids

I'm a tall, slender blonde with a cracking figure. I'm loaded and don't mind footing the bill every time. I don't like jewellery or cut flowers so I'm a cheap date.

I'm a good addition to any pub quiz team so you will often win back what you have spent on an evening in the pub.

I'm funny, a great shag and have a nice car.

Pros: older teens that entertain themselves and don't need undivided attention
I don't snore
Fairly fit
Self employed, have own income etc
Can tell a mean joke

Cons
I can't spot a red flag until it's hit me in the face
I won't get my hair wet if we go swimming
I'm scared of heights so a roller coaster ride is out
I'm pretty sure I'm dyspraxic so I fall over a lot. A pro to this is that I think it's hilarious when I do though .

So who wants to date me? I haven't any other takers....

Love my own space and not in the least bit needy or clingy.
Happy to cook
Enjoy ironing
Love dancing
Easily pleased
Animal lover
Thoughtful
Well read
Great with in laws (even if I don’t like them)

I’m a fast texter but I’m also a psychopath 🤣

Great baker
Always up for a take away or meal out
Solvent
Marvellous tits

I'm funny sometimes

I'm kind
I'm reliable
I'm a good listener
I have no dependant children
I have a good job
I have my own home and a massive pension

If I were a man, I'd be snapped up.

Huge hooters
Financially Independent
Like my own space and really low maintenance
Cook Well
Enjoy sex
Never take more than 10 minutes to get ready so won’t keep you waiting
Adventurous
Caring and loyal (once you’ve earned your spot!)

Cons:
I’d probably rather spend the evening on my own than on a date (unless the food or the sex is really good)
I see way too much of my family so you’ll have to fit in round the needs of my kid, dog, sister, parents, niece and nephew
I don’t wear make up and I dress to suit myself. Sometimes I look lovely, often I look like a scarecrow. I don’t care what anyone else thinks about how I look.
I don’t do bullshit, game playing, drama or headaches. If you become more hassle than you are worth (and this generally happens pretty easily) I will dump your arse.

Luckily my current guy is good with all of this!

I'm a great cook, I'm excellent in bed, I'll plan interesting days out, I love doing paperwork and admin so you'll never need to deal with the bills again, I always apologise when I'm wrong, I like a lot of time alone so weird hobbies encouraged, I'm funny, I'm very laid back.

(The flip side is: I cry a lot - can't help it, I'm soft as shit - I snore, and I am bed cover stealer. I also hate mushrooms.)

P.S. Good thread, OP - it's nice to see some positivity on here!