Do I have a right to be angry about this? (Trans related)

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Nc for obvious reasons. This is a very personal issue to me which I am understandably sensitive about, so this may be why I feel this way. I am perfectly happy to be told I AMBU! I believe trans people deserve love and respect and a happy life just like everyone else. So why did this concern and anger me?

I have a condition called vaginismus which has been very traumatic and caused me lots of grief over my life. In my eyes it is a very personal and female problem. (Look if up if you're not sure what it is).

I have tried to join a support group on a social media platform to really get to the bottom of it and sort it out. I wont say which one as dont want to 'out' either myself or the group involved. My request was pending and a message sent. I assumed this was to confirm I definitely suffer from this condition and to make sure I wasn't some strange pervert, but no! The administrator messaged me to say that before I was accepted I would have to answer a 'test question' as this is a gender inclusive group. Will I be addressing group members as 'ladies, men or everyone'. The tone felt quite aggressive and if I did not pass this test I would not be admitted.

My first thought was are men allowed to enter this group? Do I really have to speak about my vagina in front of 'everyone'? Why not say hello ladies (and the occasional transman who currently has issues with their vagina) no I have to address everyone? Wtf?

I honestly don't know what to think right now but this group clearly isn't for me. But maybe I just need some re-education?

Come on, you know full well that there's no way that a greeting wouldn't be allowed to stand then a post that mentioned women and girls repeatedly would.

Why would a post need to repeatedly mention women or girls? I can talk about my vagina without mentioning anything except my vagina.

There are plenty of ways to be inclusive to trans men - this is not inclusive. It is crass and divisive. Why are you so intent on defending it?

Why is saying 'everyone' crass and devisive?

I'm intent on defending spaces where transmen are able to discuss issues comfortably, of course I am. Thats a really silly question considering you are defending spaces that exclude trans people. Why are you so intent on making sure trans men can't comfortably discuss their issues?

Because healthcare isn't always lacking for "everyone" its lacking specifically for women. Drs treat women like small men. Its why they don't recognise symptoms of heart attacks in women as often as they should.

If someone was posting abkut the shocking treatment or lack of received as a woman then that's not an "everyone " issue is it

So you think if that male had behaved themselves then their presence in a still north group aimed at women wasn't a problem? Why would a single male want to be in a pregnancy group?

I have no idea why this person would wish to be in this group or why. I don't know them, nor am I going to defend them. I have given you my opinion on this person already.

No! Really I am not!

But bit does seem that you are repeatedly saying that in order to accommodate trans individuals, that you assume means transmen, that make up a tiny minority of women, and even smaller minority if women with a sex based medical condition, women who have need of support can be made to feel uncomfortable, be asked to moderate their language, to double think themselves when discussing said female condition.

In short, you don't see anything odd about asking women in every sphere of their lives to negate their sense of self.

Where do you ask men to do the same? Which online health forums ask men not to refer to their peers using male terminology?

On the person not the concept of a male wanting to be in a group fir pregnant women? Is it ok to exclude males even when they claim to have a female identity ajd wish to be included in womens groups?

Because healthcare isn't always lacking for "everyone" its lacking specifically for women.

This is a facebook group, not health care. The op chose not to join it. Thats on the op.

If you think that health provision for trans individuals isn't also very problematic then you're sadly mistaken.

Heakthvare is often discussed in these groups. If it wasn't so shocking the groups probably wouldn't be needed so much. This wasn't a group ahkut the poor trans health care it was abkut a condition that affects women wjere lack.of medical.support would likely be a very core part . Care lacking because if there sex not their identity

On this particular thread the op is wrong for wanting an inclusive group to change to accommodate her

So the group is 'inclusive' but not inclusive of the OP ?

Are you asking if it is OK to tell a transwomen they cannot join a group because they are not female?

In law, yes they can...

... though most trans organizations and individuals will try and tell you otherwise.

And medical support groups for sex bases ailments would definitely qualify.

Which online health forums ask men not to refer to their peers using male terminology?

I don't go onto any mens health groups. I have no reason to.

In short, you don't see anything odd about asking women in every sphere of their lives to negate their sense of self.

I think we should all be more neutral in terms of language.

On the person not the concept of a male wanting to be in a group fir pregnant women?

Ask for proof of pregnancy before anyone can join the group. Problem solved.

Well proof of no pregnancy on account of the fact they are male should be simple enough shouldn't jt?

So the group is 'inclusive' but not inclusive of theOP?

The op chose to not wish to say 'everyone'. That is the ops choice entirely.

I mean that what you don't exclude women who just lost a baby or are having toeublw conceiving.

What you suggest is excluding women who woukd benefit from the group so as not to offend males by saying no

Ah! So you only harangue women!

And don't think people would lie on forums!!!

As for neutral language I am not going to repeat years worth of posting, provide real life examples of situations where lies and/ or neutral language has caused further harm.

A simple google or a read through FWR will provide?

Well proof of no pregnancy on account of the fact they are male should be simple enough shouldn't jt?

I'm not really sure what more you want me to say. That person wouldn't have proof they are pregnant so couldn't join the group. I've been pretty clear about my thoughts on this, and have also told you I'm a bereaved parent, so why you keep asking me about this I don't know. I have no wish to discuss stillbirth, or individuals that think it is ok to pretend to have a stillbirth.

Because as I said , your "method" involves appeasing males by excluding women who would benefit from the group.

Where do you ask men to do the same? Which online health forums ask men not to refer to their peers using male terminology?

I wonder what would happen if a transman went into a male sexual health forum or group, and started talking about his vagina?

Ah! So you only harangue women!

Yes, I'm the one repeatedly asking a bereaved parent about someone pretending to have a stillbirth.

your "method" involves appeasing males by excluding women who would benefit from the group.

My "method excludes anyone who wishes to lie about it.

Along side women ttc, requiring advice on pre natel care, breast feeding advice etc

How is it better to ask.orivate medical information rather than exclude on the basis if sex ?

Are you suggesting that its perfectly ok for a woman to go onto these groups and lie about their experiences? Statistically that is infinitely more likely to happen.

Why are you using women as sone kind of gotcha?

I woukd hope any woman caught lying about something horrific woukd be thrown out.

But you know from the second a male joins they shouldn't be there. Just because they sit around in the back ground reading doesn't make their behaviour ok as there's only one reason they would be there they don't need to "do" anything.

Males do not need to be in a pregnancy group at all.

Bereaved parent? I understand that might be a reference to previous posts, examples of how accommodating men in women's spaces have been, but it had bugger all to do with the question I asked, or anything I have posted!

You keep asking me about this person and still birth. I answered your question. I've told you I don't wish to talk about this person and their fantasy about having a dead child.

Why are you using women as sone kind of gotcha?

Why are you using this one person as a 'gotcha'?

I'm asking if you think males should he included in a pregnancy group