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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

We aren’t getting any home learning done.

68 replies

Whatwill2021bringus · 07/01/2021 13:05

Hi all, probably get flamed but here goes. I know everyone is finding this hard.

I have two children with sen and ehcps - but aren’t being offered any provision at school as deemed not vulnerable and lack of space at the school. They both have extra support at mainstream school. My son has full time 1:1. They both have moderate learning difficulties - more so DS. Both have autism. They cope we at school with no
Major issues it’s just home life isn’t great.

I just can’t simply teach them. They don’t respond well to me trying to teach them and do not take me seriously. My partner is still working but not an essential worker. I am home alone with them during the day.

To make it worse the work set is too hard for DS and we haven’t been given any other work (yet anyway). So I’m trying to think of our own thing to do with him which is hard. Dd can cope with most of the work set with extra help. They both need my full attention at all times.

DS does not sleep much at the minute so I’m absolutely exhausted, no time to eat or anything for myself as I’m constantly supervising, entertaining and trying to teach them myself. All they do is fight and argue and DS can get quite physical.

DS pretty much refuses to do anything. Dd is influenced by DS and hasn’t got much done.

The last lockdown wasn’t great either. We got barely anything done and they both fell further behind and we had an awful job settling them back down in September. Pretty much took the whole first term to get to a good point now it’s all going backwards again and we will be at the same point again!

To add I had the most terrible 2020, not just due to covid but various other reasons. My mental health isn’t in the best place and I feel done. I know thousands of other people are in the same boat but my god I’m exhausted.

I’ve emailed the school asking advice on how to engage them and sustain their interest with little advice. I don’t think they see the same issues at school I have at home. They both cope well at school. I really don’t enjoy being a parent anymore

Not just because of them being off due to covid but been struggling for a while - particularly with DS and his behaviour - shouting, swearing, getting a little physical at times and pushing the boundaries. His dad doesn’t help out at all and didn’t see him once during the first lockdown even though he could have and he lives in the same town!!

I need some help, a virtual hug and a hand hold please. Things can get better right?

My house is a tip and I’ve not had any time to do much which is getting me down as I’m usually very house proud. I feel very alone right now. My family aren’t very supportive. I know we can’t see them but even a text asking how things are would be appreciated at times. My in laws are so judgmental and blame my parenting.

I try my best, I really do! 😭

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatwill2021bringus · 07/01/2021 13:06

Sorry it’s a bit long!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 07/01/2021 13:08

I can offer virtual hugs and Thanks

The school should be aware that autistic DC can behave very differently at school to home.

How old are they!

nitsandwormsdodger · 07/01/2021 13:09

I was in similar situation first lick down and I did not home school at all
I also left the school what's app and muted certain mums in Facebook who were flapping and saying they had " only managed 2 hours today I'm such a failure"
Do what you can , when and how you can
The kids will be absolutely fine ok in the end

Original poster
Whatwill2021bringus · 07/01/2021 13:09

10 and nearly 6!

OP posts:
DameCelia · 07/01/2021 13:09

Flowers @Whatwill2021bringus
Hand hold.
If there is 1:1 provision in school you can ask for more help at home. We are giving remote 1:1 help for some periods of the day.

DameCelia · 07/01/2021 13:10

Also echo pp really don't worry about how much you are doing.

Sirzy · 07/01/2021 13:10

If your ds has full time 1-1 then they should be available to him the same hours as in school even if via teams or whatever

princessandthedragon · 07/01/2021 13:11

It’s hard. Both me and my DH are wfh. We have two young children one is in year 1. We both work full time and these last two days have been such a struggle.

Hankunamatata · 07/01/2021 13:13

Step back with ds. Let him watch a documentary. Play board game like junior scrabble for english. Would a visual timetable help of what they are doing each day. I would aim small to start so say 1 hour of work a day split into 20 min chunks.

sirfredfredgeorge · 07/01/2021 13:14

I have two children with sen and ehcps - but aren’t being offered any provision at school as deemed not vulnerable and lack of space at the school

But they clearly are vulnerable, so you shouldn't be looking for hugs, you should be looking for info on how to escalate the non-provision.

Lockdownlovernotfromliverpool · 07/01/2021 13:16

Currently trying to home school 5 x dc... Just spoken to a teacher. When she asked how ds was I told her covid free and alive. Possibly the latter of that may change by March 31st...
Light hearted.
Possibly.
Maybe.
I salute all teachers.
I am def not cut out for this.

Spied · 07/01/2021 13:17

I really feel for you and although not quite in the same boat I'm struggling too.
I've just sat down for 5 mins after spending 2 hours with my angry, swearing and completely overwhelmed DS ( yr6) trying to complete a piece of work he does not understand. He gets help at school from a teaching assistant and copes much better overall with the structure of school. He also knows he can't swear at the teacher and acts accordingly basically like there's no behavioral issue at all whereas I'm shouted and swore at while trying to help.
Dd ( yr5) is currently upstairs getting on with her work. I can't imagine if she was like her brotherSad.
Could you not explain to the headteacher about all this and mention the physical behavioral issues?

I've no advice, sorry but just wanted to show some empathy and a bit of solidarity.

RedMarauder · 07/01/2021 13:19

I was about to say is there anything on TV they like watching? For example do they like Horrible Histories, nature documentaries, programs on diggers, space or any subject you can think off? If so dig around on iPlayer.

Will either sit and watch any of the schools programming the BBC is going to put on?

Will any of them cook with you? If so get them weighing/measuring ingredients.

Original poster
Whatwill2021bringus · 07/01/2021 13:20

Thanks all. I am feeling like giving up on the academic stuff and just doing things like board games, documentaries, puzzles, science experiments and stuff like this.

DS is refusing to write just one sentence. He will do some maths on an app but gets bored after 5 minutes . Dd has spent the morning cutting and sticking which she loves so not all that bad I guess?

We have been for a long rather fresh walk this morning to burn off some energy!

Visual timetables really help dc at school but they don’t seem to have the same affect at home. 😭

I did really want them to go school even a couple days a week this time. Just because it’s some kind of normality and I know I’ll have a struggle to settle them back down when they do go back. But there’s so many children requiring keyworker provision this time around it’s left very little capacity for anyone else!

OP posts:
Smileyaxolotl1 · 07/01/2021 13:20

I think you need to change your view a bit of what home learning is.
As a teacher I would’ve be at all bothered if a parent emailed me to say they were struggling with what had been set and had been doing different things especially if they were a little bit linked.
Obviously I don’t know the exact levels/ ages of your children or how severely the autism affects them.
For example if it was write a story - could he perhaps act out something with toys/ Lego figures or similar.
Again for maths using blocks and doing a bit of counting etc.
Don’t be hard on yourself, it’s such a difficult time for everyone but especially those looking after people with additional needs.

santabetterwashhishands · 07/01/2021 13:21

My son isn't doing anything just like he didn't for 5 months last year 😫
He's got severe autism and severe learning difficulties,not classed as vulnerable so can't attend his special school 😫
It's crazy for him he's so anxious 😫

birdling · 07/01/2021 13:21

If the work is too hard, can you access the work from a lower year group for him?

1950s1 · 07/01/2021 13:21

This reply has been deleted

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Smileyaxolotl1 · 07/01/2021 13:22

There’s also lots of mildly educational videos on YouTube.
My 5 year old did some African drummingyesterday (just banging on a table in time) and really enjoyed it.

birdling · 07/01/2021 13:26

Most children won't listen or work properly for their parents. I'm a teacher, and mine are being really difficult too. My 6 year old keeps shouting 'No!' and sliding under the table whenever I try to get him to write and my 10 year old keeps randomly shouting 'Ooof' every few seconds.
Neither are working in any way like they would at school.
So please don't feel that it is all to do with SEN.
It's hard Cake

Smileyaxolotl1 · 07/01/2021 13:31

1950s1
Since you’re clearly such an expert perhaps you could offer some advice rather than just being nasty.

Bouncebacker · 07/01/2021 13:32

My frame of reference for describing anyone who has a condition or disability is that they have that issue - not that they are that issue. It doesn’t define them. You have epilepsy rather than you are epileptic, you have an autism spectrum disorder rather than you are autistic. I work with adults with a range of disabilities and conditions and in my line of work that is the language that we use. (But everyone is obviously free to define themselves)

Original poster
Whatwill2021bringus · 07/01/2021 13:32

Thanks all. DS does slightly easier work at school anyway so the work set is too hard. Was told they’d get work set but nothing yet. Didn’t get anything for ages last time. We live very close to the school and last they just left some worksheets in an envelope which was better than nothing of course.

Dd does do the same work as the rest of the class but with extra support and guidance and she finds tricky!

I think I’m just going write off today (again) and start fresh tomorrow!

We are very routine generally but it’s just all seemed to go to pot here at the minute.

Feel like all us parents were thrown right in the deep end after being told school safe to return Monday and then they shut!

I know I’m not alone in the struggle but I can’t help feel like I’m failing them slowly!

The last lockdown DS was so anxious. He refused to get out of bed until 10am each (usually up at 6am) as he didn’t want to get up, he refused to get dressed all day or even go outside. It was awful. I am determined not to let that happen this time!

To be honest, Dd has coped and will cope more. It’s just both of them at home they just fight and argue all the time!

OP posts:
SpaceOp · 07/01/2021 13:35

This is definitely one of those times where if the school curriculum is not working, you ditch it. Consider yourself doing well if you can get them to read a story or watch a vaguely educational video. If you're feeling really ambitious, practice maths by getting them to collect x number of leaves/pebbles/blades of grass while out walking or to group their teddies in different ways or whatever.

If they can manage it, also look at the Bitesize stuff or Owl Learning. A lot of the children in our school have ditched the school stuff completely in favour of this.

SeaToSki · 07/01/2021 13:37

Does DS have any topics he is particularly interested in? Like penguins or trees or microchips? If there are, I would try themed learning around the topic. Watch a documentary, youtube videos, look on Outschool for a class on it. Then see if he can give you a short talk about what he has learned and make a poster with information and pictures. I would step away from the traditional set work if he cant engage with it. The point is that he learns to USE his math and reading/writing skills, at 10 yr old there are no specific facts he needs to learn now or will be forever behind

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