We aren’t getting any home learning done.

[Whatwill2021bringus]

Hi all, probably get flamed but here goes. I know everyone is finding this hard.

I have two children with sen and ehcps - but aren’t being offered any provision at school as deemed not vulnerable and lack of space at the school. They both have extra support at mainstream school. My son has full time 1:1. They both have moderate learning difficulties - more so DS. Both have autism. They cope we at school with no
Major issues it’s just home life isn’t great.

I just can’t simply teach them. They don’t respond well to me trying to teach them and do not take me seriously. My partner is still working but not an essential worker. I am home alone with them during the day.

To make it worse the work set is too hard for DS and we haven’t been given any other work (yet anyway). So I’m trying to think of our own thing to do with him which is hard. Dd can cope with most of the work set with extra help. They both need my full attention at all times.

DS does not sleep much at the minute so I’m absolutely exhausted, no time to eat or anything for myself as I’m constantly supervising, entertaining and trying to teach them myself. All they do is fight and argue and DS can get quite physical.

DS pretty much refuses to do anything. Dd is influenced by DS and hasn’t got much done.

The last lockdown wasn’t great either. We got barely anything done and they both fell further behind and we had an awful job settling them back down in September. Pretty much took the whole first term to get to a good point now it’s all going backwards again and we will be at the same point again!

To add I had the most terrible 2020, not just due to covid but various other reasons. My mental health isn’t in the best place and I feel done. I know thousands of other people are in the same boat but my god I’m exhausted.

I’ve emailed the school asking advice on how to engage them and sustain their interest with little advice. I don’t think they see the same issues at school I have at home. They both cope well at school. I really don’t enjoy being a parent anymore

Not just because of them being off due to covid but been struggling for a while - particularly with DS and his behaviour - shouting, swearing, getting a little physical at times and pushing the boundaries. His dad doesn’t help out at all and didn’t see him once during the first lockdown even though he could have and he lives in the same town!!

I need some help, a virtual hug and a hand hold please. Things can get better right?

My house is a tip and I’ve not had any time to do much which is getting me down as I’m usually very house proud. I feel very alone right now. My family aren’t very supportive. I know we can’t see them but even a text asking how things are would be appreciated at times. My in laws are so judgmental and blame my parenting.

I try my best, I really do! 😭

I would push for a school place. And i wouldn't do any set work if unsuitable.

for you, OP. A fellow SEN Mum, I hear us! Personally I would be contacting the LA outlining your argument why they should be recieving a place/additional support, even if only one of them or on alternate days just to break it up a bit. The guidance is very clear that children with an EHCP should be allocated a place

@yearnewwhatever

It's worth knowing that they both have a legal right to the contents of their EHCP - that right hasn't been suspended this time round. That EHCP is presumably what is needed to ensure they access education so without it, they won't access education.

I would firmly ask the school how they will be fulfilling this legal right for your children.

This

Schools are in a bit of a state at the moment. Cut them and yourself a bit of slack for the next week and just do whatever makes life easier but then definitely push for what your children need.

I'm a TA and if I had your children in my class I would want you to just get through as best you can and leave it to us to help them get back on track when we're all in the classroom again. Don't make everyone miserable! I know I will be working my socks off when we get back, identifying and filling in gaps, and I'm looking forward to it! I know there's a lot of negativity towards teachers and schools but lots of us genuinely care about our pupils and their learning - it's a passion rather than just a job for me and many of my colleagues. I won't be judging any parents on how much or little they manage.

If you can manage anything though, try some reading comprehension. Look at a book together and ask questions: What just happened? How do you think x is feeling? X is happy, do you know any other words for happy? What might happen next? Can you spot an adjective? etc. This will really help. You can do it for non-fiction as well as fiction, whatever they prefer, focusing on fact recall and vocabulary.

Trust me, a class of 30 is easier than your own children

@ShipshapeShore that approach might be great for the average child in the class of 30 who hasn’t done quite as much or as well at home as they would have done in school but if the work being set for OPs kids is completely inappropriate and they aren’t getting the support they are legally entitled to then the gap between them and their peers is going to get even bigger.

This isn’t a short term situation.

I’m not saying this to make the OP feel guilty- I’m saying don’t be afraid to push the school/trust/authority/MP for what your children need. (Just maybe not this week )

If they've got echps, aren't they automatically classed as vunerable?! Mine is!
I think you need to challenge school on that(?)
@Whatwill2021bringus

@Myfridge I know I oversimplified things, I really just wanted to be a reassuring voice for the OP. Other posters have given great advice, and I agree she should take it further, I just thought my take might make her feel better today . No offence meant - I do agree with you.

None taken- I guess we are on the same page really. No urgent need immediately to go beyond what keeps everyone at home happy but not to settle for inadequate provision.

Comics for reading, my granddaughter hated reading until she discovered the Beano. ( 2021 Annuals are half price on Amazon)
Bingo game for numbers, 5p a line, 10 pence for a full house, the grandkids learned their numbers so quickly with that game.
There's also a great range of board games on Amazon called Jungle Bingo/ Sea Bingo/ Dinosaur Bingo etc they are great fun and so educational.
Pour yourself a glass of wine, you are doing a great job.

I'd personally say its best to concentrate on reading, writing and tables!
If you can buy books to help and see what you need to be doing I would do short bursts every day. I think you will help them enormously if you can concentrate on those?

There is no reason for you to be flamed at all. Thats really hard. Im glad you have reached out to school, have you asked them about places for them, explaining what you have here?

It is bloody tough.
DS 10/y5 has ASD, dyspraxia and dyslexia. (Oh and DH is a key worker) School is too "full" at apparently 5 children per year/ class put together for bubbles

I have the "advantage" of being a former teacher with a decade of experience so at least the differentiation side is familiar, but it's still a relentless fucking nightmare. Even switching to similar coverage on favoured websites, minimising writing/ typing it's still a hard, hard slog.

We had a rumbling 2 hour meltdown to do 20 mins of grammar today. This was a good day. He didn't submit any work to school for 4 months. We had one phone call discussing his termly targets and they abandoned me to it.

A TA rang up yesterday and I was honest about sobbing after an hour... that was just the supposedly NT 7yo being awkward. I hadn't started on DS1 at that point.

Just do what you can. We have to live together 24/7 through this, and while I utterly believe in the power of education, when the proffessionals have abandoned you, you have to keep as sane as you can, and one of the first lectures on my PGCE stated that you don't learn when you are stressed.

Try and keep it relevant to his interests and needs. It's tough because the system expects you to slot back in the end, but ultimately you have to keep yourself going until that point and there's no respite to help, so do what you need to and don't flog yourself to hard

My DDs had a great teacher in y4 who told me that he really didn’t care what they read - just so long as they read something. He was also entirely uninterested in the “competitive” reading that seemed to go on between some (parents!) children. It was fab - they learned that they could read anything they liked, and enjoyed it. Both eventually went on to study English at A level!

Ignore what anyone else says they are doing, and definitely ignore Facebrag and Instagloat!

A visual timetable might help with giving the day a bit of structure (also might help them to understand that,e,g, they are going to draw their favourite character from a story while you do a job that you need to do - then you’ll look at their pictures and have a coffee/juice break together)

Good luck OP😊

I have trouble with my DS. Honestly during first lockdown I made him watch a couple of the BBC bite size and that was it. It was a great time to bring down his anxiety and fill him up with happy so that's what we did.

This time around and he's managing an hour. But we are less than a week in. I'm just not going to stress about it xx

My son has some SEN at school. He is learning very little at home. I just feel he’s massively behind but I’m working at home full time. I just don’t have the time to sit next to him to help all the time. It’s awful.

My DS is 13 and he really struggles with the home learning as for him school is for learning and home is for relaxing etc. He will do some but it is a nightmare and last time I'm not sure how much he learned! Luckily he is pretty clever and tends to catch up fast. I try to encourage him to find a project to do to keep him busy - last time he spent a lot of time coding and I figured that was educational enough for me!

What can he do already?
Is he confident with doing that or does he need more practice?
The answer to these will help you think what to do.

Keep doing just five minutes of the ap.
Reading for pleasure. You can get a lot of teaching in by talking about the characters their feelings, what might happen next.
Is he amenable to spellings? If so can you do them in different ways? (In shaving foam on a tray, in sand in an old baking tray plus ideas up thread)

Science experiments are great. Ask what he thinks will happen and explain what he can see and why he thinks things have happened.

Use language of science in every day activities or observations. Look at the moon,planets, clouds, rain, snow, melting, solidifying. (Chocolate on chocolate crispy cakes) growing seeds on paper towels, in clear pots/jar. What happens if you grow them in the dark? Does food change when you cook it?

If their handwriting is a bit ropey,...

Stubby crayons and chalk, playdough, plasticine, Lego building up core strength with activities on hands and knees,

Do you have an exercise ball for them to sit on? Or wobble cushion?

We threw and caught a light ball indoors.

Just a quick dump of ideas. Got to go and cook for mine ready for tomorrow.

Take the pressure off you're not super mum. There are some fab suggestions here that will definatley help. One I'd add to the mix would be my reluctant learner would get points durnubg the week that would add up to a "wage" on Friday. Paid their wages say £1.20 and were allowed buy as many sweets as they wanted for that amount, they took no time to figure out how to maximise the prize. It also was a stress free maths lesson 😉