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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh assaulted at work, ABH. What do we do?

134 replies

Sheilafeeler · 06/01/2021 19:09

Help. Dh was punched in the face by a colleague and then had his face grabbed with injutries

OP posts:
SD1978 · 06/01/2021 21:24

He talks to his boss and ask if it's logged yet with the police. F not, he logs the incident himself. Would confirm if the witness will be willing to get involved- no guarantee there. If boss not willing to put them on different sites/ sack the other block- is he willing to quit?

SoupDragon · 06/01/2021 21:28

To all those posters who are saying a woman wouldn't have been asked what she had said or done, women absolutely get asked this all the time when they report or relay an assault

Not on MN they don't.

Uhhuhoyaye · 06/01/2021 21:47

OP, Does your DH want to take the matter to the Police? There can be disadvantages in doing so that the members of Mumsnet too often overlook in their enthusiasm to report a malefactor to the Authorities.

CandyLeBonBon · 06/01/2021 21:58

A cut eyeball? Ouch!

WunWun · 06/01/2021 22:02

[quote Mrgrinch]@WunWun yes, genuine mistakes. Are you trying to say that there's no such thing?

@HibernatingTill2030 I appreciate that but I don't think it's a very nice term to use.[/quote]
What do you mean? How do you commit crime by mistake? Specifically violent crime for example?

Nanny0gg · 06/01/2021 22:05

[quote Mrgrinch]@BoomBoomsCousin I think it's extremely degrading and unfair on people who have made genuine mistakes and learned form them.[/quote]
This one doesn't appear to have learned that much...

caringcarer · 06/01/2021 22:13

Oh your poor dh sounds like person tried to gourge his eyes out. I think a rugby player did that to an opponent once. It is evil to try to blind someone. I would definitely call the police.

BoomBoomsCousin · 06/01/2021 22:15

[quote Mrgrinch]@BoomBoomsCousin I think it's extremely degrading and unfair on people who have made genuine mistakes and learned form them.[/quote]
Assuming it's true, there's nothing unfair about it.

I agree it's derogatory. In general, though, I don't think there's anything wrong with being critical of people having exceeded the bounds of acceptable behaviour to the extent they were convicted of a crime and served time for it. That's not really "mistake" material.

While plenty of people who serve time go on to lead good lives, the biggest predictor of future criminal behaviour is previous criminal behaviour. Three quarters of ex-cons in the UK reoffend.

It's gaslighty to try and pursuade people that they shouldn't pay any mind to someone's offending history.

bodhi1982 · 06/01/2021 22:44

Why havent the police been called yet ?

Original poster
Sheilafeeler · 07/01/2021 13:18

Hi all thanks for support.
Dh not contacted police yet, worried about repercussions.
Work have said they have set up disciplinary meeting with assailant.
Dh worried about repercussions as the man lives locally.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sheilafeeler · 07/01/2021 13:19

He is in a lot of pain and shock and considered the man a friend - can't understand why or how someone would try to blind him Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Sheilafeeler · 07/01/2021 13:20

I want to contact police, dh doesn't. It feels a bit like domestic abuse. Witnesses all say unprovoked attack.

OP posts:
Gazelda · 07/01/2021 13:27

What support is his employer giving him?

I'm honestly quite shocked that the employer haven't reported this to the police. It sounds horrific.

I hope your DH is doing ok.

Uhhuhoyaye · 07/01/2021 14:55

We know so few of the facts, but there is a chance that If OP's DH reports it to the Police he will lose the respect of many of his work mates which is rather more important than any support the employer can give.

RincewindsHat · 07/01/2021 15:09

If the assailant is fired - as he should be - there could be repercussions anyway. Report it to the police, now. If you don't you've paved the way for this man to do it again. Or are you going to wait until he actually blinds your DH before you do anything about it?

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 07/01/2021 17:41

This sounds way beyond a bit of shoving...

So this ex convict... (this is important; the best predictor of further law breaking is previous law breaking-some go straight, most don't. ), attacked your husband, from a height, and tried to gouge his eye out?

And had to be pulled off your husband??

Surely this is GBH /attempted? Lawyers help me out?

Can completely see why he is worried. Can you ring the police for a chat? , you don't even have to give your details... Just outline the situation and the fact that you're concerned re further assault/repercussions?

I hope your husband won't go back while this thug is still around.

Do you know if this bloke has history of drug /alcohol issues/severe mental health issues?
Unprovoked attacks are pretty rare... Although the ex prison history are important.

Assuming prison history is violence related? And the fact he's threatened others is important too.

Yesmate · 07/01/2021 18:30

Why does it feel like domestic abuse OP? That’s quite a strange comment.

Your DP was assaulted, doesn’t want to contact the Police so there isn’t much else you can do.

Cherrysoup · 07/01/2021 19:12

Police, please try to persuade your dh he should. Imagine the next assault if this one has no repercussions! Your poor dh, I hope his vision isn’t affected. What a shock for a mate to attack him!

rwalker · 07/01/2021 19:28

I get your DH position so you could go from an other angle . His work are aware so the complaint wouldn't have to come from DH they could dismiss him for his unacceptable conduct .

Original poster
Sheilafeeler · 08/01/2021 17:02

Hi all much appreciate all angles.
Dh recovering, antibiotics eye drops for cut eye, face lacerations healing. He's in better spirits. Assailant has handed in notice - his work had set up a disciplinary. His boss and colleagues have all been supportive.
Assailant had extreme cocaine issues previously although says he has been clear for years.
Previous custodial sentancr was drug relared.
Im worried that dh will have sustained lasting eye injury. Still refusing to contact police. From what I can over hear from phone calls all colleagues and mates sound really relieved that he hasn't made a police complaint.

Personally I don't get it.
I say domestic abuse because the way he was talking was very much like... I don't know what I did wrong... Can't believe some one I thought of as a mate would do this to me... Etc
Thanks all for the support it has really helped Flowers

OP posts:
MoonlightInVermont · 08/01/2021 17:35

Apologies if this has been suggested already, but has he spoken to Victim Support? They will help even if the crime hasn’t been reported to the police and may be able to help him decide what to do next.

Original poster
Sheilafeeler · 08/01/2021 17:52

That's a really good idea I hadn't realised you can do that without reporting a crime, I will suggest it to him

OP posts:
LadyEloise · 08/01/2021 18:27

@Sheilafeeler
What a shock for you both.
Could the fact that the assailant is into drugs be why his co workers don't want your dh to contact the police. Could he have something on them ?

It's awful if you feel so intimidated by the assailant that you can't contact the police.

Fatladyslim · 08/01/2021 18:44

@SoupDragon

To all those posters who are saying a woman wouldn't have been asked what she had said or done, women absolutely get asked this all the time when they report or relay an assault

Not on MN they don't.

To be honest, a like for like situation (so a female colleague randomly turning and attacking another), I would be wondering what had happened before the attack.
2021hastobebetter · 08/01/2021 18:54

He needs to phone and report to the police -next time the guy might kill him.

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