Birthday sweets at school

[Maxine3477]

In my son's class at school there seems to be at least 1 birthday every week and, despite requests from the teacher, parents keep sending in sweets/cakes/other edible treats to hand out to the other children.
There's my child and a couple of others in the class who don't have pork (or pork gelatine) for religious reasons, as well as various children how can't have milk and who have various allergies etc.
This is exactly why the teacher asks children NOT to bring edible treats to hand out on birthdays. When it was my child's birthday I send little toys for the other children rather than anything edible.
A couple of times recently, parents have sent sweet containing pork gelatine, so these have been witheld from my son and the other children who don't eat pork and they've been given a substitute treat instead. In the mind of a 4 year old, my child sees it like "Why did other children get sweets and I wasn't allowed any?" Sees it like some kind of cruel punishment.
This is causing such a headache, why can't parents just listen to the teacher's request not to bring food? AIBU to be annoyed about this?Any other Jewish or Muslim parents in similar positions?

I agree. Can't the teacher just confiscate if it's something like a cake? And just not distribute the sweets? The school needs to put a blanket ban on it.
However I do think a 4 year old is able to understand why they can't have certain foods.

Teachers need to stop it. With all respect, it’s not on if your kid accidentally eats gelatine, but it’s potentially catastrophic if an allergy kid eats something they are allergic to.

Totally unfair for your kid to miss out - the teachers need to lay down the law.

Some people are beyond selfish thats why and cant see why it would cause problems. I would suggest giving the teacher some suitable sweets to store for your DS to give when inevitably sweets he cannot have are brought it.
Someone else may come along and say that's unfair on the teacher and he/she probably doesn't want to condone it further but if they see children disappointed they may welcome having that option.
I've worked with children outside of a school and we would have had an emergency stash for similar purposes

My dd has celiac disease and milk allergy.

Despite being told not to bring sweets for the class especially not chocolate parents did it constantly.
Right up to year 6

When it’s my child’s birthday I ask the teacher can I buy something for the class, I’ve bought books, DVDs for wet play, pens etc

I think YABU. It's a kind gesture from the children and it's not like they've maliciously chosen to exclude your DC. That is just part and parcel of having special food requirements and the sooner they learn that and get over it, the better. It will always be the case that there are certain things they can't eat and you're better off explaining the reason why, so they are informed and able to make decisions in life accordingly.

School need to be former and refuse to take any tests that wine be widely suitable. Lots of adults don't realise that sets contain animal gelatin so they aren't doing it on purpose but the responsibility is on school to say no to treats unless it's X
I can understand why people don't want to send in presents, not everyone has £30-£60 to spend on other people's kids for their child's birthday but it also needs to be fine to send nothing in

The teacher needs to remove them. If they keep being handed out then parents will keep sending them in.
Fyi I wouldn't thank you for my son getting a toy at every kids birthday either.
No need for anything to be handed out.

@Mrgrinch

I think YABU. It's a kind gesture from the children and it's not like they've maliciously chosen to exclude your DC. That is just part and parcel of having special food requirements and the sooner they learn that and get over it, the better. It will always be the case that there are certain things they can't eat and you're better off explaining the reason why, so they are informed and able to make decisions in life accordingly.

And I wonder how many times as a child every other kids say there eating sweets / came etc whilst you weren't, as the other kids talked about why you weren't allowed one, what was wrong with you, that it's because you're other and different and not like them

We have this in our class but the parents who have children with allergies or dietary restrictions provide us with a stash of treats at the start of each term that we can save for them and give out when needed. As long as all the children are getting a small treat, I don’t really see the problem. Children are usually very accepting of differing needs within their class, but it’s up to parents to explain to children why they can’t always have the same food as everyone else if a dietary choice has been made for them.

Yabu, it's ' part and parcel of living in a diverse city'. When I was a child in the 80s, this was a delight. If a child has allergies then they have already been drilled into saying no. My children have been vegetarian from birth, for ethical and health reasons, and although they soon learned to check and identify for gelatine, I wasn't going to make a fuss to them or the school if they accidentally consumed some unaware.

That’s difficult but why hasn’t your school sent a set list out? We have a specific list of sweets (haribo features at the top - no gelatine) that we can send in for birthdays for each class?

My 5yo is Celiac. She misses out if a child brings in cake or sweets but I just take in a box of GF candy or biscuits at the beginning of each term and the teacher gives her one of those.

We never did this at school, but on Guiding or Scout camps I would send cake, sweets etc for everyone to share. My own DD has intolerances btw, and will happily avoid what she cannot have, so I'm not unsympathetic. Nut allergies are another matter, but I would be highly pissed off if I was told my child couldn't take treats to share because of someone else's religious beliefs.

DD is one of those that can't eat chocolate, she missed out so many times. Her primary banned birthday cakes/sweets/chocolate when she was Y5 because it was becoming ridiculous- too many children had restrictions/allergies, too many parents went completely OTT on what they sent in. It was a real headache for class teachers to police it all, so they banned it. If someone brought things in, they were not allowed to distribute them, so it stopped.

Thanks for the replies everyone, good to hear your thoughts and much appreciated.
Just to clarify, my son knows the reasons we don't eat pork but, in the mind of a 4 year old, it can be hard to understand that certain things like sweets contain pork elements as he just associates it with being a type of meat, ham etc.
I like the idea of leaving a supply of alternative treats with the teacher to hand out when necessary.
Personally I don't like the whole "giving presents to the whole class" when it's someone's birthday... Just feel kind of "expected" to do it.

@Alexandernevermind

We never did this at school, but on Guiding or Scout camps I would send cake, sweets etc for everyone to share. My own DD has intolerances btw, and will happily avoid what she cannot have, so I'm not unsympathetic. Nut allergies are another matter, but I would be highly pissed off if I was told my child couldn't take treats to share because of someone else's religious beliefs.

Why? It would be very easy to pick a different sweet off the shelf that included everyone

Why? It would be very easy to pick a different sweet off the shelf that included everyone

Well...you'd think that @babbafett but IME it really isn't, particularly in a supermarket rather than specialist sweet shop (which we don't have in our locale).

@SleepingStandingUp that happened an awful lot actually, which is exactly why I said what I said. The sooner they learn, the better and it won't bother them anymore.

While I understand that not everyone will like the giving out of birthday sweets and it shouldn’t be something that is expected, but it’s such a small thing that the children get so much pleasure out of. They spend all day excited to proudly give out their sweets at home time, it helps them learn to be kind and it makes them feel a bit special on their birthday. It would be really sad if this was added to this list of things that was banned when there’s such an easy solution.

Why? It would be very easy to pick a different sweet off the shelf that included everyone i wasn't just referring to sweets, but is it very easy? Gluten, dairy, gelatine?

This is why our authority has a blanket ban on birthday treats. It really helps. No presents or treats. They just sing happy birthday in class.

I like the idea of you asking the teacher to keep a pack of suitable sweets which she could give your child when this happens.

As an add on, I have had to avoid pork products my whole life because of a severe allergy, as a child you get used to it.

Ours are allowed to give fruit such as boxes of raisins but are encouraged not to, teachers won’t hand them out either it has to be done after they’ve been dismissed. Abs the birthday child hands to the parents.

Our school ask you to donate a book for the class book corner instead.