Birthday sweets at school

[Maxine3477]

In my son's class at school there seems to be at least 1 birthday every week and, despite requests from the teacher, parents keep sending in sweets/cakes/other edible treats to hand out to the other children.
There's my child and a couple of others in the class who don't have pork (or pork gelatine) for religious reasons, as well as various children how can't have milk and who have various allergies etc.
This is exactly why the teacher asks children NOT to bring edible treats to hand out on birthdays. When it was my child's birthday I send little toys for the other children rather than anything edible.
A couple of times recently, parents have sent sweet containing pork gelatine, so these have been witheld from my son and the other children who don't eat pork and they've been given a substitute treat instead. In the mind of a 4 year old, my child sees it like "Why did other children get sweets and I wasn't allowed any?" Sees it like some kind of cruel punishment.
This is causing such a headache, why can't parents just listen to the teacher's request not to bring food? AIBU to be annoyed about this?Any other Jewish or Muslim parents in similar positions?

I agree, but for different reasons.

I dont think anyone should be handing anything out on birthdays, school need to put a general ban on it.

For all the dietary reasons PP have listed & for those who hand out goody bags etc, environmental reasons, bits of plastic tat my son really doesn't need, I have to take the "party bag" from him and check through the contents first- one contained a temporary tattoo which then I took away, but not before he saw it.
I dont particularly like them anyway, but certainly didn't want him to have one during school term.

When it comes to my DC birthday I feel the pressure to bring something in, but never do, as I just see it as a pointless exercise.

When I was in school, we were allowed to take a toy in for our birthday and show it to our classmates. I dont know where all this "bringing in sweets/toys" for kids started, but I really wish I would be stopped.

I'm likely in the minority here, but kids have so much "stuff" these days, including sweets and chocolates, I dont see the need for hand outs in the school playground.

Not to mention the parents who can't afford it feeling terrible that they're not giving handouts.

Our (wealthy London prep) banned this as the boys and girls would bring in hummingbird bakery cupcakes, Ben's cookies etc. All SO expensive but also such a nightmare for allergies, diets etc. There would be weeks where I'd be offered 2-3 massive cupcakes. They were everywhere in school. So excessive.

It got stopped and clearly banned. Zero complaint from parents.

Instead, they give out Birthday bears and badges for the kids on their bday and they love it.

Why do kids today need to have treats all the bloody time, just sing happy birthday in school and give em cake when they get home. Crikey I bet the kids who have birthdays during school holidays have to have counselling to get over the Fomo. In truth though the kids don’t give a shit, it’s the dopey parents that believe that the children won’t love them without material gifts and treats and creating memories for their parents.

@Groovee

This is why our authority has a blanket ban on birthday treats. It really helps. No presents or treats. They just sing happy birthday in class.

Fine until there is a JW child in the class...

My Niece's school only allows treats like this if every child is catered for so parents need to check what is and isn't okay. it's common for them to bring in 3 different types of sweets or a couple of treats for those who really can't be catered for. They have a mixture of non-pork gelatin sweets, vegan options, g-f and d-f options. If parents don't want to meet these needs or cba, they aren't allowed anything at all.

This all started after a near-fatal incident where a child was given homemade treats that contained dairy as the parent thought lactose-free milk didn't contain dairy

I get that I haven't been in school for a long time, and my kid isn't school age, but what is this obsession with bringing stuff in for the whole class on a kid's birthday? What a palaver!

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. It’s tradition that goes back decades and the kids love to hand out sweets on their birthdays. Our school have never banned it either but children are told to ask the teacher first. It is nice to be inclusive though. My child asked me a few years ago if we could get lollies in addition to his favourite choice of haribo as he said some of the children were not allowed to eat them.

How miserable! My child has an allergy and can't have some of the treats handed out, but he could cope with that from very early on. If he took one and couldn't eat it then he'd give it to his sister and I'd give him something he could have once we were home.

His classmates have got to know that he couldn't have certain things, so some of them cater for him, which we really appreciate but don't expect. I certainly don't expect the teacher to provide an alternative.

@Alexandernevermind

Why? It would be very easy to pick a different sweet off the shelf that included everyone i wasn't just referring to sweets, but is it very easy? Gluten, dairy, gelatine?

You specifically said you would be pissed off if it was for religious reasons. If you are aware someone couldnt have gelatine for example then it's not that difficult to avoid, and if you cant then dont send anything in at all. If teachers are asking for no sweets to be sent in then its rude to ignore that, if they are open to it and send a list of foods to avoid/foods that are suitable then I think its reasonable to follow the advice.

When it was my child's birthday I send little toys for the other children rather than anything edible.

Sounds very wasteful. No-one needs more disposable plastic crap in their lives.

A couple of times recently, parents have sent sweet containing pork gelatine, so these have been witheld from my son and the other children who don't eat pork and they've been given a substitute treat instead. In the mind of a 4 year old, my child sees it like "Why did other children get sweets and I wasn't allowed any?"

“Because in the olden days it wasn’t hygienic to eat pigs that had been kept in hot conditions. Despite living in a temperate climate with good food hygiene and refrigeration we still don’t eat pig products”.

Sees it like some kind of cruel punishment.

If you choose to restrict your diet options, your diet options will be restricted. This “punishment” entirely your choice.

YANBU about the proliferation of junk food in school though.

i think yabu. there's loads of children who might not be able to eat certain things. or they might simply not like them. they might be diabetic, it's not just religious reasons that would stop a child having sugary treats.

i've known kids whose parents dont allow them sugar, or haribos, or even the veggie versions. it's a part of life. i get that it might be upsetting for your child but they'll get used to it

@allthegoodusernameshavegone

Why do kids today need to have treats all the bloody time, just sing happy birthday in school and give em cake when they get home. Crikey I bet the kids who have birthdays during school holidays have to have counselling to get over the Fomo. In truth though the kids don’t give a shit, it’s the dopey parents that believe that the children won’t love them without material gifts and treats and creating memories for their parents.

QFTMFT

Why should an entire class be punished for your choices?

I had to check the date of this thread, can’t believe this is a current problem?!

Our class has several DC with allergies. In the past many, many parents brought in unsuitable food at birthdays. The teacher handed them back. Every single time.

Still, can’t believe this is a current issue. The Xmas cards we brought in in December had to be ‘quarantined’ for a weekend before they handed them out. Are schools actually taking bags of sweets from people’s homes and then distributing them to the whole class?! No way our school would do that now (if they were open).

It's not something we'd normally do, but we have this year - DS couldn't have a birthday party (like most kids) and was so sad he couldn't give his friends party bags, so we made some up and gave them out at school.

When my son was at a mainstream school we gave the teacher a few mini packs of kosher jelly sweets (closest thing to the little bags of harribo that were usually given out for birthdays). She subbed one of these in whenever there were birthday sweets. Personally I wish they would not allow sweets at all, but I didn't want him to be singled out.

I'm puzzled as to why treats of any type are being supplied by parents because of a child's birthday. I'm in Ireland and have never heard of it, certainly didn't happen when my child was school age and doesn't happen in the school my nieces and nephews attend either. It seems a bit ridiculous and OTT.

Skittles are a pretty safe option

We never did this when I was at school, never did teacher presents either. I managed to avoid it with my eldest (birthday in the summer holidays) but did cave to pressure with my second.
Either we were lucky or the children had their own stash of sweets because all the children used to take a bag of sweets.
You have made the choice about what your son can't eat it doesn't mean the other children shouldn't be allowed a treat.
For some children the only time they get sweets is at school on birthdays.

As a teacher, I give out a birthday treat. The treat bag contains non-food items like nice pens, little notebooks, cute rubbers etc. No one has objected to the lack of food or the gift of stationery. Yet...

I see the point on dietary issues, thought as someone who caters at home for a coeliac who avoids milk products and a vegan it is not that difficult to make a Free From cake that will suit almost everyone.

What really upsets me is the "anti any pleasure" brigade who are opposed to any little presents etc. IT IS A NICE THING TO DO. Even grandparents get criticised on MN for "giving too much" Awful.

@Mrgrinch I agree. We can’t not do anything ever that impacts other people or cater to everyone else’s needs and wants for something as simple as Birthday sweets.

Could the school change the rule slightly?

At our school the kids are allowed to take sweets in and they're given out but they are not allowed to be eaten at school. They are taken home in bags/lunchboxes and then it's up to the parents when they're given or if.

I prefer that rule to a blanket "no sweets"

@Mrgrinch

I think YABU. It's a kind gesture from the children and it's not like they've maliciously chosen to exclude your DC. That is just part and parcel of having special food requirements and the sooner they learn that and get over it, the better. It will always be the case that there are certain things they can't eat and you're better off explaining the reason why, so they are informed and able to make decisions in life accordingly.

Because it's fucking shit to be left out. It's hurtful that children/ parents you've spent 7 years with don't care enough to include you. It's draining to constantly have to explain that you are different and can't have that. It's unfair to have to supply extra allergy friendly treats so that your child isn't left out again.

@10kstepsaroundthegardenthen
So you want to protect your kid, and then what? They get a job in an office, its someones birthday, theres cake passed around, and they have to excuse themselves to go and cry in the bathroom because there's eggs in the cake and they cant eat eggs?