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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit pissed off about this

52 replies

Ringaring · 05/01/2021 04:02

My mum said she was doing her will and asked us whether there was anything in particular we wanted of hers. Shes a pragmatist.

My sister jumped right in there and said she wanted her engagement ring and her eternity ring. She then messaged me to say she had left me the wedding ring. Confused

Leaving aside the issue of value here I felt a bit put out because both the rings she "chose" are really pretty and wearable, whereas the wedding ring is more old fashioned and you would never wear it.

I just let it go because it felt so icky to start an argument about this and at the end of the day whatever really. But I cant help but feel weird about it.

Another thing is my sister is married and has her own rings whereas I dont think I ever will. But I'm not sure that's fair or relevant.

Would you be pissed off?

OP posts:
LadyMinerva · 05/01/2021 04:26

Have you told your sister how you feel? You have indicated they have value and wearability but have not indicated any sentimentality. Perhaps your sister feels a connection on a personal level with those items whereas you are sounding like you either want to just cash them in or wear them.

Don't feel icky, death is part of life and if you can have things organised before you go it makes it easier for those left behind. My mum was doing the same thing recently but luckily her 3 kids are all very different to each other and there hasn't yet been a clash.

EngelbertsRumpispink · 05/01/2021 05:04

Tell your Mum that you want both of those rings, too.
Just cos your Sis pounced first, doesn't make it OK.

The only reasonable thing would be for one of you to get the engagement ring, and one of you to get the eternity ring -- and draw lots to determine which goes to whom.

btw - yes, I'd be highly annoyed.
yanbuimo

EngelbertsRumpispink · 05/01/2021 05:09

Well, draw lots unless you each would prefer a differing ring to the other.
You may prefer the eternity ring, and she may prefer the engagement ring, iyswim.

SueblueNZ · 05/01/2021 05:10

I agree. Let your mum know. Given there are two daughters it is only fair that you each get a wearable pretty ring.

ColdCottage · 05/01/2021 05:12

I'd just reply to your Mum and say you understand that your sister has asked for both those rings but you'd really like of of them to wear everyday to remember her by. You really appreciate the wedding ring but perhaps that could be split into two for each of you to keep and maybe wear on a necklace.

Explain you didn't feel comfortable rushing to ask for things but one of those rings would mean a lot to you. Especially as you doubt at the moment you will be fortunate enough to have someone give you your own jewelled ring too. Explain you don't want to upset anyone but if she could think about it you'd be grateful.

VetiverAndLavender · 05/01/2021 05:18

I agree with previous posters. It's unfair for your sister to jump in and request the two "best"/wearable rings. If it's important to you, I'd tell your mother how you feel.

ZombiePara · 05/01/2021 05:30

@ColdCottage

I'd just reply to your Mum and say you understand that your sister has asked for both those rings but you'd really like of of them to wear everyday to remember her by. You really appreciate the wedding ring but perhaps that could be split into two for each of you to keep and maybe wear on a necklace.

Explain you didn't feel comfortable rushing to ask for things but one of those rings would mean a lot to you. Especially as you doubt at the moment you will be fortunate enough to have someone give you your own jewelled ring too. Explain you don't want to upset anyone but if she could think about it you'd be grateful.

^ this @Ringaring . Coldcottage put it perfectly!
RedHelenB · 05/01/2021 05:31

Tell your mum what you want, trusts why she asked you. One each of the engagement/eternity rings sounds fair to me.

fridascruffs · 05/01/2021 05:35

A brother and sister in my family haven't spoken in years because of something like this. Try to resolve it but don't lose your sister over it. They're just rings.

caringcarer · 05/01/2021 05:42

You could tell your Mum you like the pretty rings best too.

rawlikesushi · 05/01/2021 05:44

Does your sister have children? It could be that your mum likes the idea of them becoming family heirlooms. I'm not saying that's fair, but can be a factor when people are bequeathing items.

SomethingRandomAgain · 05/01/2021 06:13

Tell your mum you’re interested too! I doubt she’d decide who to hand down stuff to because someone got in their request 5 mins earlier than someone else! 😁

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/01/2021 06:15

If I were your mum I’d have told her she can’t have both, one has to be for you, that is if you’d like one.
And then toss up for who gets first choice - if it’s going to be an issue.

Lotusmonster · 05/01/2021 06:17

Do as per @ColdCottage....good advice there. Good luck OP.

Ticklytoes · 05/01/2021 06:48

Ask for the house.

LouiseTrees · 05/01/2021 08:13

@EngelbertsRumpispink

Tell your Mum that you want both of those rings, too. Just cos your Sis pounced first, doesn't make it OK.

The only reasonable thing would be for one of you to get the engagement ring, and one of you to get the eternity ring -- and draw lots to determine which goes to whom.

btw - yes, I'd be highly annoyed.
yanbuimo

This
OoohTheStatsDontLie · 05/01/2021 08:24

I wouldn't be pissed off but I think I'd say something, along the lines of the engagement / eternity rings are actually your favourite as well so you think it's fair if you each get one of them. There is no harm in asking! It's not like they decided a long time ago and it's been set in stone for years

Bmidreams · 05/01/2021 08:27

Definitely pursue this. It's not on at all.

lilylongjohn · 05/01/2021 08:28

Stop being a push over and tell your Mum which you'd like, eve if it's the same as your sister

maddening · 05/01/2021 08:32

I would. Suggest that the engagement ring should go to one and the eternity to the other Imo.

Love51 · 05/01/2021 08:35

@Ticklytoes

Ask for the house.
I like your style, ticklytoes! Grin
Pechanga · 05/01/2021 08:40

You need to tell your mum....this issue will rear its head and hurt like hell once your mum actually dies, you will be grief stricken snd dealing with this on top of everything, and will resent your DSIS. Deal with it now OP.

strawberry2017 · 05/01/2021 08:40

You need to speak up and tell your mum what you want. If you don't you only have yourself to blame.
This is why she's asked, she wants to know so tell her.
Totally reasonable to get one each.

IamMaz · 05/01/2021 09:03

My MIL died earlier this year. She left a letter of her wishes [in addition to her will] which my BIL showed me and DH. In it she had requested I get her 'diamond and sapphire earrings and necklace'. I knew I'd never even see them as BIL doesn't like me. LOL.
Needless to say, I didn't!!!

PenelopeStern · 05/01/2021 09:51

@ColdCottage has said it perfectly.