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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit pissed off about this

52 replies

Ringaring · 05/01/2021 04:02

My mum said she was doing her will and asked us whether there was anything in particular we wanted of hers. Shes a pragmatist.

My sister jumped right in there and said she wanted her engagement ring and her eternity ring. She then messaged me to say she had left me the wedding ring. Confused

Leaving aside the issue of value here I felt a bit put out because both the rings she "chose" are really pretty and wearable, whereas the wedding ring is more old fashioned and you would never wear it.

I just let it go because it felt so icky to start an argument about this and at the end of the day whatever really. But I cant help but feel weird about it.

Another thing is my sister is married and has her own rings whereas I dont think I ever will. But I'm not sure that's fair or relevant.

Would you be pissed off?

OP posts:
partyatthepalace · 05/01/2021 09:59

Yes of course you should get one each, explain to your mum then your sister (or vv if that’s better). And then politely insist, if you have a preference say which at the same time.

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 05/01/2021 10:05

as above

but be kind, and diplomatic, to your mother! Did SHE wear her wedding ring? It might not be your taste, but many others would likely wear it. She is doing a king thing.

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 05/01/2021 10:06

*kind

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 05/01/2021 10:09

@EngelbertsRumpispink

Tell your Mum that you want both of those rings, too. Just cos your Sis pounced first, doesn't make it OK.

The only reasonable thing would be for one of you to get the engagement ring, and one of you to get the eternity ring -- and draw lots to determine which goes to whom.

btw - yes, I'd be highly annoyed.
yanbuimo

Yes, this. Sort of thing my Dsis would do too. Hmm
HollowTalk · 05/01/2021 10:12

@IamMaz

My MIL died earlier this year. She left a letter of her wishes [in addition to her will] which my BIL showed me and DH. In it she had requested I get her 'diamond and sapphire earrings and necklace'. I knew I'd never even see them as BIL doesn't like me. LOL. Needless to say, I didn't!!!
You have a legal right to those. Why didn't your husband insist on it?
Palavah · 05/01/2021 10:12

Female relatives in my family have been buried/cremated in their wedding rings.

Agree, speak to your mum about it now. Cheeky of your sister.

Vermeil · 05/01/2021 10:15

@IamMaz
If they were left to you, they’re yours. If he’s the executor, then he’s not fulfilling his legal duties. You should speak to the solicitor dealing with you MILs estate. He’s possibly even breaking probate law.

HappyNewYear2021 · 05/01/2021 10:17

Speak to your mum and tell her how you feel.

Your sister is grabbing and it's not nice. One of the rings each would be much fairer and a way you can both remember your mother.

PurpleMustang · 05/01/2021 10:29

Really is your sister always like this? How old is she! She doesn't get them because she shouted dibs first. Just tell your mum, I was hoping your would pick us to have one each as they are pretty and I want to wear one everyday

pictish · 05/01/2021 10:58

One of you gets the engage,ent ring the other the eternity ring sure;y? She doesn’t get both the pretty ones...like fuck she does.

MaggieFS · 05/01/2021 11:00

Tell them how you feel and have one each.

Crunchymum · 05/01/2021 11:02

Pick one each of the pretty rings and toss a coin for the wedding ring?

Personally I'd value my mum's wedding ring much, much more but we decided to cremate her with it as it meant so much to her.

inappropriateraspberry · 05/01/2021 11:05

I always said to my siblings, when the time comes, we'll go round the house with different coloured dots. Anything with more than one dot gets drawn out of a hat. Fair, and everyone gets pretty much what they want. Everything else is got rid of. It's mostly sentimental value though, so should t be any arguments about the value of stuff.

Lockdownlovernotfromliverpool · 05/01/2021 11:14

My dc know I have absolutely nowt to leave them. They have declared they won't be fighting over my ddogs as none of them want any of them!!
Grin

Original poster
Ringaring · 05/01/2021 11:17

Thank you for your replies it's good to know I'm not just being over sensitive!

The first time I saw her after it happened I did say "so you've chosen the two wearable ones then?" and she did this kind of smile which let me know that I was right. Then she said "oh come on the wedding ring is more expensive".

It isnt about the value to me (although I dont believe the wedding ring is more expensive if we're going there) it's about the fact that I would have liked a ring to wear to remind me of her, and I cant do that with the wedding ring. Also I wouldnt like to rework the wedding ring to make it more wearable, it should just stay as it is IMO.

We have a brother so he could have the wedding ring as a keepsake to tuck away and take out from time to time.

My sister has form for this, for example if my mum gets anything nice she'll say "I'm bagsing that!". Its only half jokingly too. It just annoys the fuck out of me!

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 05/01/2021 13:00

Have you been able to speak to DM about it? Although in my case, Dsis is golden child, so ....

notinthiseconomy · 05/01/2021 13:07

My auntie took the one ring I wanted from my grandma. And then took all other items of value you and left me the costume crap as my "share". And then lied about it.

I just let it go. People are vile when there is money involved.

steppemum · 05/01/2021 13:09

@ColdCottage

I'd just reply to your Mum and say you understand that your sister has asked for both those rings but you'd really like of of them to wear everyday to remember her by. You really appreciate the wedding ring but perhaps that could be split into two for each of you to keep and maybe wear on a necklace.

Explain you didn't feel comfortable rushing to ask for things but one of those rings would mean a lot to you. Especially as you doubt at the moment you will be fortunate enough to have someone give you your own jewelled ring too. Explain you don't want to upset anyone but if she could think about it you'd be grateful.

beautifully put.

Don't talk to sister, just let Mum know how you feel and then leave it.

steppemum · 05/01/2021 13:13

It is really hard though isn;t it? This sharing of possessions.

We were living overseas when my SIL and BIL had to clear out dh's parents' house. They asked if we wanted anything.

Dh wrote a very careful email, to say we love these things and would not like them given away/sold, but if anyone else wants them, fine, we just don't want them to disappear. Then we listed the items.

They were all a bit old fashioned (eg clock) and no-one else wanted them and we got all of them. I was so glad we asked as otherwise they would have been sold off. But we really didn't care who had them.

unmarkedbythat · 05/01/2021 13:18

I'd probably be pissed off, yes.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/01/2021 13:21

@ColdCottage's message is perfect, @Ringaring - tactful and non-confrontational.

It would be unfair, in my view, for your sister to have both the eternity ring and the engagement ring, and you have every right to say so.

Oreservoir · 05/01/2021 13:33

Speak up or lose out. Your choice.

Oreservoir · 05/01/2021 13:36

My dd has already tried to bags some of my jewellery. I’ve told her just because she only has a db doesn’t mean she can have everything to the detriment of him and his family.

Minky37 · 05/01/2021 13:38

Wow! Talk to your mum say you’d like one too, and it’s fair to have a dress ring each with DB having the wedding band. The brass neck of some folk!

cleanasawhistle · 05/01/2021 13:43

OP your sister sounds like one of mine.
Our mum never made a will,after my mum died my sister took my mums full jewelry box, took out what she wanted then drove around other family members asking them to take what they wanted.
I was last on the list and got sent a pic of what was left.
Horrible and grabby.

OP your mam maybe didnt think at the time but she should have replied no just pick one of the rings,not fair that you get two.

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