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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not tell my boss what the procedure is?

58 replies

radiateforme · 04/01/2021 23:08

I spoke to my boss today to tell him that I might need a week or so off after an urgent procedure I need done in next couple of weeks. Might only be a couple of days but don't know how I will feel after a GA. It's a hysteroscopy and polypectomy + biopsy to check it isn't cancer. I don't really see why he needs to know exactly what I'm having done but he's insisting I tell him. I've said I'm happy to speak to occupational health, I work from home behind a computer so not strenuous. Just don't see why he needs to know. I'm really anxious so this may be clouding my judgement. AIBU to just tell him it's not a major op and would rather keep details to myself?

OP posts:
LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 04/01/2021 23:10

I don't think it's unreasonable to keep the details from him as you have offered to speak to occasion health.

AdoraBell · 04/01/2021 23:11

YANBU don’t tell him, if he continues to demand that you tell him contact HR and tell them about his attitude.

blueshoes · 04/01/2021 23:12

Are you able to get a GP note for the week or so that you need off?

How did you decide you need a week to recover from GA. If it is not a major op, a week is a long time.

Original poster
radiateforme · 04/01/2021 23:14

My point is that occupational health can assess any needs I might have (none at the moment) and let him know without disclosing my diagnosis. Anything beyond this is pure curiosity from him. I wouldn't expect him to tell me that he was having a prostate biopsy should I be his manager.

OP posts:
Feelingpoorlysick · 04/01/2021 23:15

It's not unreasonable to not tell him but personally I wouldn't have a problem with doing so.
And just for reassurance, I had a hysteroscopy and biopsy and was able to go back to work the day after. Only slight discomfort, no pain really.

Original poster
radiateforme · 04/01/2021 23:16

@blueshoes I did say in my OP might just be a couple of days. Last time I had a GA I was unwell after (for 2 weeks - I was sick and I lost my memory but it was a much longer procedure)

OP posts:
TalesTheCat · 04/01/2021 23:17

When i was sterilised my sick line just said gynacology procedure and was given by my surgeon. I needed another sick like due to an infection in my wound and that just said post surgery infection. I had told my boss what the procedure was but if I haven't hw wouldn't have known.

partyatthepalace · 04/01/2021 23:20

I am no expert but it’s a bit odd to want to know exactly. I would think a broad docs note would cover it and HR can ask doc any additional questions, but no need for details.

Why don’t you speak to HR and have them deal with it.

TalesTheCat · 04/01/2021 23:20

@blueshoes

Are you able to get a GP note for the week or so that you need off?

How did you decide you need a week to recover from GA. If it is not a major op, a week is a long time.

I was given a two weeks sick line by my surgeon when I was sterilised. I assumed it would have been a week. I assume OPS procedure will be on par with my recovery at least, both are laparoscopy procedures
NowellSingWe · 04/01/2021 23:20

Just say it's a biopsy- he doesn't need to know where.
Good luck, and hope it's good news Thanks

Original poster
radiateforme · 04/01/2021 23:25

Thanks everyone. The time I'm taking off is irrelevant to my question really. I'll take as much time as I need, whether that be a day or a week.

OP posts:
ChangingStates · 04/01/2021 23:31

I manage sickness and absence in my work place- I do need to see a copy of the letter showing the appt time and some info etc but always let staff know they can black out the actual medical detail if they prefer.

Original poster
radiateforme · 04/01/2021 23:33

@changingstates I thought work could only ask for those things after 1 week self certification is over

OP posts:
Dee1975 · 04/01/2021 23:34

Just say ‘lady stuff’ ... most make managers stop proving then ...🤣

june2007 · 04/01/2021 23:39

REasons he might want to know is becauee, how likely are you to come back to work when you ay? Will this effect your work? No you don,t have to tell . (Unless it was likely to effect your work and then you don,t need details.)

CommanderBurnham · 04/01/2021 23:43

Ask him why he needs to know specifics.

QueenPawPaws · 04/01/2021 23:45

@Dee1975 Grin any mention of periods and my boss (despite being fairly young, married and with kids) goes green and backs off. I cried once at work (PMT, shit day) and he came back and practically threw a Starbucks and brownie at me. Unlucky for him he has an all female team!

CatVsChristmasTree · 04/01/2021 23:47

@ChangingStates

I manage sickness and absence in my work place- I do need to see a copy of the letter showing the appt time and some info etc but always let staff know they can black out the actual medical detail if they prefer.
Even that seems too much. Only time I had off work for an operation was for a termination and would not have wanted to show my boss a letter from BPAS! I just said I was having a medical procedure under GA and may need a few days off, I went back to work the next day as I only had sedation in the end and no one asked what I'd had done.

You can self certify sick up to a week anyway so surely asking for proof of a few days off for an operation is a bit much?

Original poster
radiateforme · 04/01/2021 23:59

Cat exactly!

OP posts:
LemonadeSunshine · 05/01/2021 00:01

When I had gynae procedures / fertility treatments I didn't want to tell my male manager. He was fine with not knowing and I asked my GP to state something generic on my sick note, think it said 'post surgical recovery'.
They don't need to know the actual thing you're having done at all, and no compulsion to disclose.
Good luck with your procedures, hope it's good news Flowers

HibernatingTill2030 · 05/01/2021 00:10

Male boss= tell him it's gynaecological in nature and he will stop asking!
But, YANBU.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 05/01/2021 00:12

@ChangingStates I find that very odd and I'm unsure that is even allowed.

ScottishStottie · 05/01/2021 00:15

I once needed time off very short notice as a last minute appointment came up to get my coil changed (and was already past its date so needed done) when i phoned my male boss i just said i had a medical appointment that although not serious, was essential that i needed to attend. I think he picked up my tone and got all awkward (guessed it was woman stuff) but sorted my time off without any issues. Sounds like your boss is being a nosey bastard. If he continues to probe, just ask him for the details of the policy that states you need to disclose this for the length of time off.

Chloemol · 05/01/2021 00:49

At my place you would be expected to provide a copy of the letter, that all

I would just tell him it’s a woman’s procedure and he doesn’t need to know any more

Cokie3 · 05/01/2021 06:35

'Women's troubles'. That's all you need to tell him.

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