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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To drop out of university now that schools are closed?

62 replies

FrostedCranberries · 04/01/2021 19:36

I'm in my last year and I literally have no support. I cant do uni and looked after my 5 year old. I was at home with her in the first lockdown doing exams and i was close to having a mental breakdown.

I really dont want to suspend my studies as i have enough time off to complete my degree. Not sure if I should carry on and risk a 2:2/3rd or just drop out and complete it some other time in my life, but as I've never had a career (I'm 28), I wont find it easy jumping in to a job straight away. Not like i could even work anyway if schools are all closed.

OP posts:
jollyunicorn83 · 04/01/2021 19:37

Can you ask the school? Explain your situation?

ChocolateSantaisthebestkind · 04/01/2021 19:40

Hi OP, a relative works in a uni, please contact your departments Disability Liaison Officer [I know this situation is not a disability before anyone jumps on me] but the DLO will know who to put you in touch with at student support for help. You could also ask about support to study. You are so close to the end, don't let this shitty situation take your education and hard work away.

kwiksavenofrillsusername · 04/01/2021 19:41

I would try and work around it to be honest. Yes, definitely speak to your tutor and explain the situation first. Do you work as well? Could you potentially homeschool and entertain her during the day then get uni work done after bedtime?

Your uni might give you options like taking a break and picking it up next year, or potentially transferring your credits, so don't give up on it just yet.

kwiksavenofrillsusername · 04/01/2021 19:43

Also, don't be down on getting a 2:2. Unless you're going into something specific where you need a 2:1, you'll probably never be asked your classification.

CoRhona · 04/01/2021 19:45

I really think if you can bear it, get through the year and get it done. You never know how things will work out, you might be pleasantly surprised and the feeling of achievement will be amazing.

I say this as someone on their late forties in the first year of a 6 year pt degree, very envious you're nearly there! Go for it op, none of this will last for ever and you'll have done something amazing Flowers

Lovely1a2b3c · 04/01/2021 19:46

That would be a really silly thing to do and believe me I know as I dropped out of the third year of a degree course that I was excelling at, due to illness! I still massively regret it five years later (it's one of, if not, 'the' worst decision I have made in my life).

Just take a leave of absence for a year. You can always make the decision to permanently withdraw instead but you will have several months to decide that way and are less likely to make a decision that you will regret.

kazillionaire · 04/01/2021 19:47

Depending on your course most of them are taught online with any lectures and discussions being recorded, if you are okay for late nights for a while then try your best to do that, don't give up at this point because if you do you will never go back and it will be one hell of a regret

funksoulmother · 04/01/2021 19:51

Could you just ask your lecturers if you can defer modules taken during this term/whilst school is closed?

MaskingForIt · 04/01/2021 19:52

Don’t drop out totally. Ask if you can “inter-calate” for a year. You have a year out and pick up where you left off.

monkeysox · 04/01/2021 19:54

Do the work on a night when they're in bed ?

BigGreen · 04/01/2021 19:54

First thing to do is email your tutors and find out your options. In my experience they are being very accommodating. It's a shit situation I feel you, will have ft work plus a 2 and 6yo Shock

Honeybobbin · 04/01/2021 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

betlynchsearrings · 04/01/2021 19:59

University lecturer here. Email your tutor right away and explain the problem. Have a look in handbooks, your VLE, university regulations etc about Good Cause, mitigating circumstances and any other arrangements that may be suitable. You may well be able to get through this with extensions and them taking your circumstances into account. My work has been VERY accommodating of people's circumstances. Remember that a lot of the lecturers will be also be up shit creek and will want to help you as far as they can.

You might be able to intercalate depending on your programme regulations but I'd look into less extreme options if you can to avoid losing momentum when you've got this far.

Don't even think about dropping out.

AaahWoof · 04/01/2021 20:00

OP I'm in a similar situation to you. Talk to the school, talk to the uni tutor - I was thinking the same as you earlier today, emailed my tutor and we're looking at how we can rejig my modules so I do some of it later on in the academic year (I have a placement they should be able to move). I'm feeling a lot more optimistic now than I previously was.

ChakaDakotaRegina · 04/01/2021 20:00

I have never been asked what I got in my degree! It has just been leverage to get to the next step. A pass is still a pass.

Can you talk to your uni about deferring? Another year really isn’t that long considering it may take this year for things to settle from
COVID.

Or could you ask your tutor what is the minimum requirements this year (it may be different due to COVID). It may be that you only need 40% in certain subjects and more in another.
Your uni will not want a drop out so honestly they will try to accommodate you.

wantmorenow · 04/01/2021 20:08

Can I ask what degree it is. Has a bearing on how competitive the grades you may need will be

PickleC · 04/01/2021 20:10

Just to reiterate what others have said, please contact your University as soon as possible - your tutor or Student Support Officer will be able to help. I work in a University and especially for students in the final year we would always want to try to help keep someone in their studies if at all possible but failing that to advise an interruption. That would give you some breathing space to look at your circumstances and to return when you can.

Regulations differ in all institutions but I know for my students if they genuinely cannot continue right now (and many will be able to once they have had a look at module choices with their department) I would be looking at advising a return in a year's time. That is a standard process for us though it may feel like a difficult decision for you

secular89 · 04/01/2021 20:35

Why?! Please don't do it. I studied full time last year with 3DC's and one of them has SEN. The storm will past! I did however, hire a nanny towards the ending of Summer as I had exams. You can do it!!

tttigress · 04/01/2021 20:38

Don't drop out!! discuss with tutors etc. I'm sure there is a solution in this unique situation.

WhereamI88 · 04/01/2021 20:52

I'm not sure why people are saying 2:2 is ok, if you are doing a degree because you want a career you need a 2:1, especially if you're older. That being said, you don't need to drop out. Contact the university asap. They may allow you to defer a year, that would be the best solution.

MummytoCSJH · 04/01/2021 20:53

I'm going through the exact same dilemma OP, my DS is 6 and has adhd. Was on track for a 1st. Have been crying since the announcement.

Bouncebacker · 04/01/2021 20:59

I also work at a university- talking to your course leader, your Personal Tutor and student services - you will be able to find a solution! I finished my masters during the spring lockdown - it was really really tough but I just got up really early everyday and worked until the kids got up, and went to bed really early and got up to do it again... I was exhausted at the end but it was worth it! You can do this

AaahWoof · 04/01/2021 21:21

@MummytoCSJH

I'm going through the exact same dilemma OP, my DS is 6 and has adhd. Was on track for a 1st. Have been crying since the announcement.
Yep I've been in tears - two kids - one with a foul temper who got physically violent last lockdown, and one with dyspraxia and query autism and I'd got straight firsts last year.

Thankfully in a way I'd seen the way things were headed and seen how bad my mental health has deteriorated and had time with my tutor today and we've got a plan to take to the faculty involving moving my placement module to later on in the year - and I know the relevant staff are happy to support that. At least it makes things feel a bit more achievable - even if most of today involved staring at an essay title hoping it was going to write itself.

Shetoshe · 04/01/2021 21:27

It's understandable to be panicking, so give yourself time to have a wobble but the nit's time to pull yourself together OP and figure out how you'll get it done. It CAN be done. I did with a toddler and a newborn.

It will be a stressful few months but then it will be over with and you will feel so proud! Schools will be back in six weeks or so and vaccines will be ramped up etc. so it would be a shame to drop out now only for things to improve in a couple of months and you'll be full of regret. Put your head down when she's gone to bed and work your arse off. Let standards drop and use screens to entertain her in the afternoon/freezer food for dinner and know it's only temporary.

You really can do it!

Namechangeme87 · 04/01/2021 21:31

Can’t you just postpone a year ?
I did uni as a single parent I get it it was torture at times and that was without home schooling ! If you can’t defer please don’t give up tho . I felt so proud when I got my degree even tho some days felt like it would finish me off !

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