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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you feel a bit put out by this or is it too minor to even merit a second thought?

70 replies

Triol · 03/01/2021 23:40

In a relationship for a few years now, we don't live together yet but spend time at each others houses. He has a drawer full of clothes here, and vice versa. No problem.

He has a largeish bathroom, no bathroom cabinet or storage but a wide sort of ledge area where he keeps all toiletries - think multiple bottles of shower gel/ shampoo/ conditioner , toothbrush, toothpastes, shaving gel, etc etc. So a fair bit of stuff on there. As I stay regularly I also have a shampoo, conditioner, toiletry bag with stuff in, and a box of tampons (which doesn't fit in the bag). It's all been there for the last couple of months however last week he made a half joky comment about my stuff taking over and could he move it? I said that was fine but it niggles me just a tiny bit, the stuff I have is way less than his (there's at least 4 times as much stuff of his on the ledge).

Should I just forget about it? In the grand scheme of things it's no big deal I know.

OP posts:
Lemmeout · 03/01/2021 23:48

Hard to know really. He could be having a tidy up or a clear out, including your belongings.
Perhaps with lockdown he hasn’t seen you much ? Is questioning the need for your things to occupy his space.
He could have got a shit to me of Christmas toiletries he wants room for. ??
Are things good otherwise in your relationship?
Why are you insecure about this?

YoniAndGuy · 03/01/2021 23:51

Next time he’s over ask him to clear out his drawer, as you need it for your new scarf collection.

Nothing wrong with keeping him on his toes... sounds like he expects to take your space for granted but is irked when you relax into his. If that’s the case... it’s tap on the nose time.

Ponoka7 · 03/01/2021 23:51

Do you think that he is wanting to hide your stuff? The change doesn't bode well.

Original poster
Triol · 03/01/2021 23:57

We're in a support bubble so we see each other fairly regularly (about 10-12 days per month which is probably more than we saw each other pre lockdown). He didn't get any toiletries for Christmas, I know as I'm the only person who bought him presents.

It just surprised me I guess, he's not really a tidy person and has never said anything like this before - I never kept anything at his for ages, especially not any kind of sanpro but we had big discussion about 18m ago and agreed we were both being a bit unnecessarily prudish about stuff like that and have tried to be more open.

OP posts:
RealisticSketch · 03/01/2021 23:57

If the shelf is overloaded (sounds cluttered) he might just want to sorry that out and your stuff is easy to clear since you aren't there all the time... Bit awkward though if there isnt a drawer it could go in instead, so not very tactful approach from him, but not necessarily alarm bells.
Possible there's more to it, but not enough to go on from that one comment really. What's the vibe in the relationship like generally?

Cautionsharpblade · 04/01/2021 00:01

There’s no way I’d leave a box of tampons on display in my own home, let alone someone else’s. Maybe they offend his eyes?

Original poster
Triol · 04/01/2021 00:03

There is a lot on the ledge but it's a big area (about 4ft x 1.5ft) so nothing is piled on top of each other. I don't know if he was saying that there was too much of mine there or its the sanpro he was objecting to? I guess I'll see where he's moved it to (or even if he's moved it) next time I stay over.

OP posts:
Original poster
Triol · 04/01/2021 00:06

I wouldn't leave the tampons out if there was anywhere else to put them (in my bathroom I keep them in the bathroom cabinet). Maybe I should get another toiletry bag and put them in it.

OP posts:
lljkk · 04/01/2021 00:12

It sounds like you are way overthinking a throw away chitchat comment.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 04/01/2021 00:19

There’s no way I’d leave a box of tampons on display in my own home, let alone someone else’s. Maybe they offend his eyes?

Maybe they hurt his eyes with their reminder of the FOULNESS OF LADY MONTHLIES

yvanka · 04/01/2021 00:19

Can he give you a bedside drawer or drawer somewhere else? You really need one for clothes and one for bits like that. I wouldn't leave tampons on display!

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 04/01/2021 00:20

I have a whole stack of tampons and sanitary towels on my shelves for all to see. My husband may be aware that I menstruate, as may some male guests.

NoProblem123 · 04/01/2021 00:20

I wouldn’t leave tampons out either but I would be asking him to make room in my house for my new scarf collection also.

Original poster
Triol · 04/01/2021 00:23

I do have space for clothes in the bedroom but it's on a different floor to the bathroom so easier to keep tampons in there than have to be running up and down stairs.

OP posts:
GrandTheftWalrus · 04/01/2021 00:24

I have my pads and tampons on display in the bathroom. Where else am I meant to put them? Although they are gathering dust as not been used since August.

MrsEricBana · 04/01/2021 00:27

If it's a 4ftx1.5ft shelf how could your couple of things be occupying a fifth of it? Maybe just rationalise your stuff a bit and put the tampons in a container.

Jeremyironseverything · 04/01/2021 00:31

Put all your stuff in a basket and then he can just move the whole basket when you aren't there. Obviously his stuff also needs to be in a basket at yours too.

Wendyhause · 04/01/2021 00:33

No need for a shelf or precious use of a drawer. Go to one of the bargain type shops (think B&M or HomeBargains) as they have some very nice storage boxes and some with lids, for less than a fiver. The box or boxes can be stored out of the way or even on display as they look quite good. I have several dotted around my home to hide my bits and pieces. If that doesn't solve the problem then there is no hope. Confused

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 04/01/2021 00:36

YABU. My partner stays at mine some nights as we do not live together his stuff goes back in his drawer I don't want it on show. He has 1 shower gel in my bathroom at the moment which I don't mind but it's my home, if I wanted his stuff everywhere I'd live with him and I don't.

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 04/01/2021 00:38

Put your tampons in your drawer and get them out when your on your period. They don't need to live on his shelf.

Maskedcrusader · 04/01/2021 00:44

Could you buy a little storage box and leave your stuff somewhere else at his house
Maybe he just doesn't want the bathroom counter cluttered. I hate having bottles & boxes in my bathroom, even my kids have little caddies they keep in their bedroom & only bring into the bathroom when they are using it.

ElizaLaLa · 04/01/2021 00:46

People saying they leave their sanpro out for all to see, that's irrelevant because its your own house.

OP doesn't live there so shouldn't really be leaving stuff out all over the place. All items should be in a toiletry bag or storage box big enough for them and easy enough to be tucked out of his way the rest of the time.

Alternista · 04/01/2021 00:46

People who are that offended by one of the vaginal functions really have no place partaking in its other uses.

TeachesOfPeaches · 04/01/2021 00:48

Maybe one of his mates has come round and taken the piss out of the box of tampons

partyatthepalace · 04/01/2021 00:51

Finding all the people saying they don’t leave tampons on display completely hilarious. WHY THE FECK NOT!?!

OP, I am assuming it’s a clutter thing, not a fear of Tampax (clutches pearls) - get a box or basket so you have have your stuff out when you are staying and clear it into a cupboard when you aren’t.

Still laughing at tampon fear 🩸😱🤣