Would you feel a bit put out by this or is it too minor to even merit a second thought?

[Triol]

In a relationship for a few years now, we don't live together yet but spend time at each others houses. He has a drawer full of clothes here, and vice versa. No problem.

He has a largeish bathroom, no bathroom cabinet or storage but a wide sort of ledge area where he keeps all toiletries - think multiple bottles of shower gel/ shampoo/ conditioner , toothbrush, toothpastes, shaving gel, etc etc. So a fair bit of stuff on there. As I stay regularly I also have a shampoo, conditioner, toiletry bag with stuff in, and a box of tampons (which doesn't fit in the bag). It's all been there for the last couple of months however last week he made a half joky comment about my stuff taking over and could he move it? I said that was fine but it niggles me just a tiny bit, the stuff I have is way less than his (there's at least 4 times as much stuff of his on the ledge).

Should I just forget about it? In the grand scheme of things it's no big deal I know.

@Cautionsharpblade

There’s no way I’d leave a box of tampons on display in my own home, let alone someone else’s. Maybe they offend his eyes?

offend his eyes

I would not be with anyone who was offended at the sight of tampons. It's really no different to seeing toilet roll surely.

I'd get a little box for at his house so all your stuff stays together and separate from his.

lol, by some people's logic toilet paper is also a personal and private thing as it wipes your private bits too and even worse, does the other side...hilarious!

I don't know about you, but I don't have loo roll lying around all over the house.

I don't leave all the shampoo/shower gels/bath things lying around the bath either.

Not in everyone's house...I know some people who, shock horror, leave their toilet roll on the side as they don't have a holder...or leave the spares in full view on a shelf!

Shocking behaviour I know

Sorry OP to derail a little bit...I forgot what era we were in momentarily, reading some of the responses that zoned in on the tampons

Well some people are focusing on the box of tampons without mention of the shampoo or conditioner or other stuff. So some people on here clearly do have a problem with the tampons on display rather than just general clutter, otherwise they wouldn't have specifically mentioned the tampons and nothing else.

I would ask him what his solution would be. Would he prefer it contained in a nice basket? Or is he going to provide storage elsewhere?

OP said the tampons were in the bathroom with the other toiletries ....not all over the house..

Well some people are focusing on the box of tampons without mention of the shampoo or conditioner or other stuff. So some people on here clearly do have a problem with the tampons on display rather than just general clutter, otherwise they wouldn't have specifically mentioned the tampons and nothing else

I don't mind regular use bottles out, they are neat, sturdy and easy to arrange tidily. Tampons in a ripped open cardboard box are not aesthetically pleasing and cannot be arranged nicely 😆. Neither are opened packets of toilet roll, hair bobbles, tubes or small pots of creams . I don't keep any of these things on display but might leave it out if it was being used regularly, ie if dc had a rash savlon could be left out on the side and popped away once the rash has gone. Same as I might leave tampons out when on my period and put them away the rest of the time. If I was having visitors I'd put the savlon and the tampons away while ensuring the bathroom was clean and tidy for guests. If staying at a dp's I'd make sure tampons, savlon, hair accessories etc where tidied away before I left or if they weren't currently in use. Of course you can do what you like on your own home but I'd make more of an effort at someone else's even if they were messy that's their right in their own space.

No one's put them in a frame and is asking people to gather round and look at them like they're the Haywain or something

@IntermittentParps this really made me

They are definitely not in a frame!

I was on my period on my last visit to his (and on the one before too - the joys pf peri-menopause) so they were actively in use - in fact the current box is one I've only just opened - though identical to it's predecessor.

He made the comment just in passing, I replied yeah fine or something like that at the time and then this weekend when I was cleaning my own bathroom thought about it again and wondered why he'd said it. I've not spoken to him for a couple of days (we don't speak every day) but when I see him next in a week or so I'll go armed with another toiletry bag and see if he's moved anything or it's all still as it was (and mention it then if needs be).

he made a half joky comment about my stuff taking over and could he move it?

Move it where? would be my question.

I have things lying around, tampax or not, and I would prefer a door holder of some kind to put things in - if there's nothing else available.

I don't think there's anything prudish about not letting things on display or just lying around.

The only thing "on display" in my kitchen is the kettle and coffee machine, and I am not prudish about bread/cereals/tea bags or anything that other people leave out

It's irrelevant if he is messy or neat. It's irrelevant if he is offended by tampons or not.

It's his house.

If he doesn't want your stuff taking over it's his call? At least I imagine it would be if the situation was reversed? Yes?

I can imagine becoming irritated with stuff that’s not mine on my shelf & would want to store it elsewhere. Different in a cupboard or drawer. Not any indication of my feelings in the relationship OP, don’t worry.

I can see why you’re offended. My father used to hurl my sanpro into my bedroom as a teenager as he was disgusted by its very presence in the bathroom. Apparently that wasn’t the right place for it 🙄🙄.

Anyhow because he did have a history of hurling all sorts of things he disapproved of, much of it my stuff, I am particularly sensitive to my OH doing anything similar. If my shit gets moved I tend to immediately get on the offensive. In your position I’d gather all his belongs up and put them away in a drawer. Then next time he comes over he could go on the hunt for it all and I’d win the ‘petty bitch’ award of 2021.

The real question you're asking is 'Should I over ride my own negative feeling about something he's done, because of the rules about what is acceptable in a relationship?'

There are no rules. There are only feelings. If you are happy to be unhappy about things he does, let it go. If you want to respect your feelings, talk to him about it.

Does he do anything else you'd prefer him not to, but pipe down about in case you're BU?

What stops you mentioning it? A good partner who respects your feelings would be sorry they'd upset you. What do you think he would do?

I'm naturally quite selfish (classic only child!) and tend to think that my way is often right. I've not had that many long term relationships and am still learning how and when to compromise. I'm also quite conflict avoidant in relationships (I think because I never grew up with a sibling, my only disputes were child-parent which is a very different dynamic) so I end up either doing exactly as I want or rolling over completely. Finding a balance between the two can be tough!

Anyway, when I'm next at his I'll see how the land lies and if needs be, raise it with him then.

I'm also quite conflict avoidant in relationships

If you don't like conflict, raise your issues gently, without drama or accusations. Say how you feel, rather than what they did wrong. If conflict ensues, respond to how you feel about it.

But don't avoid conflict by putting up with things you don't like. You will end up unhappily cornered by somebody who has no idea they are hurting you. Then you'll have an enormous conflict to deal with, and it will all be inside you.

If your stuff is all over the house then whatever his issue is it doesn't sound like it's because he has a problem with seeing your stuff. I think I would just ask him what it is about your stuff on the shelf that bothers him and take it from there. I personally wouldn't engage in any "well, then you have to move your stuff out of MY bathroom stuff" because that just escalates what sounds like a fairly minor issue. The goal isn't for either of you to be miserable and then to get your revenge by returning the favour, it's to understand each other.

OP please fashion some tampons into an elaborate pyramid for his shelf, and another box into a hanging mobile for the ceiling??

@Alternista

OP please fashion some tampons into an elaborate pyramid for his shelf, and another box into a hanging mobile for the ceiling??

Yes, do this, just make sure you draw little smiley faces on them all too

I'm suprised how many people made the jump from 'you're leaving alot of stuff around' to 'thats it, cracked it, hes obviously seeing other women and hates your toiletries putting them off - LTB!'

Like he wouldn't be smart enough to move them before hand. Just trying to dig deeper to make someone else feel shit & anxious.

OP as many have said - It's probably just a clutter thing, or a joke gone bad, or maybe he got your tampon box wet and had to replace it, who the fuck knows. (They are expensive!) Just do the basket / box thing. When you meet next you can bring it and make a point of 'sorry I didn't realise - I got this so we can stick it in a wardrobe if you would prefer'

It opens up the door for conversation in a multiple ways, he will either apologise because he was joking, say thanks for understanding or say no actually my 82 other girlfriends really dislike having tampons in the house!

I'll bet its number 1 though!

I also never keep my tampons out, my periods dont offend me or anyone as far as i know but i do have a toddler who thinks their sweets a 10 year who always looks concerned and an overall tiny bathroom that I like to look neat.