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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you feel a bit put out by this or is it too minor to even merit a second thought?

70 replies

Triol · 03/01/2021 23:40

In a relationship for a few years now, we don't live together yet but spend time at each others houses. He has a drawer full of clothes here, and vice versa. No problem.

He has a largeish bathroom, no bathroom cabinet or storage but a wide sort of ledge area where he keeps all toiletries - think multiple bottles of shower gel/ shampoo/ conditioner , toothbrush, toothpastes, shaving gel, etc etc. So a fair bit of stuff on there. As I stay regularly I also have a shampoo, conditioner, toiletry bag with stuff in, and a box of tampons (which doesn't fit in the bag). It's all been there for the last couple of months however last week he made a half joky comment about my stuff taking over and could he move it? I said that was fine but it niggles me just a tiny bit, the stuff I have is way less than his (there's at least 4 times as much stuff of his on the ledge).

Should I just forget about it? In the grand scheme of things it's no big deal I know.

OP posts:
WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 04/01/2021 00:54

@Alternista

People who are that offended by one of the vaginal functions really have no place partaking in its other uses.
Rubbish

Like many others have said, I don't want my San pro out in my bathroom all the time either. The bathroom cabinet is the other side of the bathroom, so when I'm actually in my period I'll leave a box on the top of the cistern, rest of the time it goes in the cupboard

@Triol

it seems weird if he means your shampoo etc too as that's a HUGE 'shelf'. I'd be suspicious he was having other women around & didn't want any signs of you there

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 04/01/2021 00:57

@partyatthepalace

Finding all the people saying they don’t leave tampons on display completely hilarious. WHY THE FECK NOT!?!

OP, I am assuming it’s a clutter thing, not a fear of Tampax (clutches pearls) - get a box or basket so you have have your stuff out when you are staying and clear it into a cupboard when you aren’t.

Still laughing at tampon fear 🩸😱🤣

Because it's personal & private.

AND because I can't stand clutter. Things that aren't being used get put away until they're needed.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 04/01/2021 01:00

Must be a mate of Adam Garrie?

Original poster
Triol · 04/01/2021 01:00

He doesn't have other people round, I'm the only person that visits, his family used to visit occasionally pre- Covid but not for the past 9 months or so. It's literally only ever me and him there.

I accept it's not my house. That said we are planning to get a place together this year all being well. I think for now I'll buy another small toiletry bag and put it in that. His toothbrush and shower stuff are on the shelf in my shower, I like seeing them here when he isn't but that's just me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Triol · 04/01/2021 01:33

Just to add he isn't bothered about clutter hence all the stuff in there already. I wouldn't say my stuff takes up 1/5 of the space, it's more that it's 1/5 of everything on the ledge. There is more room on the ledge. But I'm going down the additional toiletry bag route and will go from there. It might all be a storm in a teacup if when I next go there everything is still in situ.

OP posts:
CarterBeatsTheDevil · 04/01/2021 09:29

I'm saddened that so many women on this thread think it would be reasonable for a bloke to be horrified by having to look at a box of tampons in a room that is all about the bodily functions and fluids of human beings. Loo roll's fate is to end up covered in poo, wee or snot but we don't demand that it's kept out of sight so that we don't have to think about it.

Anyway, OP's bloke hasn't even said that's the problem, has he? Or did I miss that?

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 04/01/2021 09:35

Buy him a bathroom cabinet for his birthday.

CrotchBurn · 04/01/2021 09:35

Talk about exaggerating re some posters trying to be all riot grrl. Yeah I dont particularly want to look at a box of tampons every day. It's not about being prudish its that you shove them up your fanny, its intimate. Not gross but private. If my partner had, I dont know, a special moisturiser for his cock I'd prefer not to look at it while brushing my teeth 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Triol · 04/01/2021 09:41

Unfortunately its a rented house so he can't put a cabinet on the walls and there's not space in the bathroom for anything freestanding. I think just getting another toiletry bag is probably easiest. Assuming he doesn't object to there being more than one bag in there!

OP posts:
Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 04/01/2021 09:41

People who are that offended by one of the vaginal functions really have no place partaking in its other uses.

No one is offended. I wouldn't leave a box of tampax or a box of condom out either. I have no issue with my periods or sex, some things just don't need to be put on display.

I don't even leave my moisturisers out either, they are not offensive, it would just look messy and I hate clutter.

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 04/01/2021 09:46

I'm saddened that so many women on this thread think it would be reasonable for a bloke to be horrified by having to look at a box of tampons in a room that is all about the bodily functions and fluids of human beings. Hmm

again, nothing about being horrified. I don't have a loo in my bathrooms any more for a start, they don't belong in there unless you absolutely can't avoid it.

I don't put my own tampax on display, or my underwear or even my body lotions. It just looks messy and seriously unkept. I don't leave my tampax on my desk at work either.

Put it another way: if I was selling my home, I would hide all that for the photo and probably the viewings. Not because I am ashamed/horrified/outraged/ offended, but because it would look shit. I am not making more efforts for strangers than I do for my own use of the house 🤷

Goatinthegarden · 04/01/2021 09:56

I tidy absolute everything and anything away, including toothbrushes and toothpaste. The only thing out on display in my bathroom is the hand soap dispenser and the hand towel.

Lockdown has been boring, I have completely gutted every drawer and cupboard in my home, maybe he is doing the same?

Goatinthegarden · 04/01/2021 09:57

Oh, there is a toilet roll on the holder too.....

Aprilx · 04/01/2021 09:59

It does sound cluttered and I also don’t know why you need to permanently leave a box of tampons on display in somebody else’s bathroom. Why don’t you put them away or bring them on the few days a month when you are going to need them.

Starllyow · 04/01/2021 10:04

I wouldn’t leave a box of tampons on display at my boyfriend’s house Confused maybe just buy a little box / bag for all your things that he can put away when you go home

WaxOnFeckOff · 04/01/2021 10:04

Is he trying to obliterate your presence from the flat as he is seeing someone else? Sorry OP, that just seems like the elephant in the room to me.

Otherwise I'd wait until I was over there and see what he has done.

Sallydally91 · 04/01/2021 10:06

The best thing is to discuss it with your dp and see what it is that he meant - he is the only person who can give you the answer.

Meltedwellie · 04/01/2021 10:07

Hmmmm, I know of a couple of guys who were like this and yes it was because they had other women coming round. One of them proclaimed his love for me all the time and talked about looking for a place together. It was all bullshit and he was the ‘nicest’ guy as well.

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 04/01/2021 10:07

I don’t like tampons being out either. Or ugly bottles. I’m not a clean freak but this would bother me too.

However it would also annoy me he didn’t say to you “I have put these in a drawer which you can have”.

Have you discussed future plans etc?

So YANBU

midnightstar66 · 04/01/2021 10:07

I hate stuff out on the seeds anyway. Obviously toiletries are a must but can be sorted neatly. I wouldn't leave a box of tampons out because they look messy in an open box not because of any sort of embarrassment. You also don't need them all the time so I'd have them and any make up etc put away and bring them out as needed. They certainly don't need to be there in between your visits.

gannett · 04/01/2021 10:09

Doesn't sound like he's bothered about the tampons if they've been there two months. Where's he suggesting moving it all to, a cupboard? Probably just wants a bit less clutter, is he generally neat?

My DP wouldn't have even asked, he'd have just moved everything!

Original poster
Triol · 04/01/2021 10:18

He's not neat at all. Hence the multiple bottles of shower gels and other toiletries etc in there completely aside from anything of mine. I keep my spare shampoos tidied away, he doesn't (mainly because there's nowhere else in the bathroom to keep them) but that's up to him. When we live together hopefully our joint bathroom will have some storage.

I don't think he's having other women round :) There's plenty of my stuff around the place aside from that anyway (clothes in the bedroom, shoes in the hall, some handcream etc on the bedside table).

OP posts:
IntermittentParps · 04/01/2021 10:18

There’s no way I’d leave a box of tampons on display in my own home, let alone someone else’s

I don't get why people need to use the phrase 'on display'. It reminds me of those batshit threads where someone complains about somebody they saw naked in a gym changing room and says they're 'strutting about', 'flaunting' their body etc when all they're actually doing is being in a gym changing room.

It's just a box of tampons on a shelf in a bathroom Hmm No one's put them in a frame and is asking people to gather round and look at them like they're the Haywain or something.

OP, if he's specifically upset about the tampons have a talk to him about getting over himself why. If he's talking about your stuff in general, then say that it's been there for a while and is there something that's changed his feelings about it now.

strawberrypip · 04/01/2021 10:18

lol, by some people's logic toilet paper is also a personal and private thing as it wipes your private bits too and even worse, does the other side...hilarious!

Not a big deal OP but I get why you would question it. Just ask I guess?

midnightstar66 · 04/01/2021 10:21

Toilet paper sits neatly on a holder and is needed during every trip to the bathroom. I have one roll out and some spare) and the rest is put away for neatness til it's needed. Same with tampax. If it's not needed it's put away

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