Justified in dumping my unreliable DP?

[hr924]

Asking for perspective as my sister thinks I am being unreasonable. We are both late-20s, been together 2 years, I have one DC and ex-Dp doesn't have any.

These have all occurred over the last couple of months...

1. DP invited me over for the weekend, I got packed and sorted out childcare for DC... which he knew... he then texted me half an hour before I was due to leave telling me to no longer come because his flat mate had invited their guy mates over. (This was during the period we were allowed to mix)

1. DP is now part of my support bubble. There's been a couple of occasions where he is due to come over and will text me at the last minute saying he 'fell asleep' or is 'too tired to come over.' (It's an hours drive from door to door).

1. He was meant to come over for the day last Tuesday, but was uncontactable all day. I texted and tried to call him multiple times to find out what was happening. I get a text message at 7pm saying he was sorry but he'd 'lost track of time, had ended up spending the day with his family and left his phone at home'.

After this latest incident of him being unreliable I broke up with him. He's too unreliable, and it's not fair on me or my DC. I genuinely really look forward to him coming over / me going to his, and I feel really let down every time he does this.

My sister thinks IABU because he is 'only mid-20s and doesn't have DC of his own so doesn't understand responsibility.'

I think even if I didn't have children his behaviour would piss me off!

Of course you're not unreasonable. You aren't happy with his priorities and his flakiness.

If your sister thinks he's such a prize, maybe you should tell her to get stuck in!

I wouldn't have put up with that before I had DC and all the organisation that comes with that!

He is treating you like you are an option. You deserve someone who is really into you.

You can dump him for whatever reason you like and it has sweet fa to do with your sister.
And quite frankly he sounds like he is not that into you so is not bothering to make any effort for you.

What planet is your sister on? I would have dumped him after the first one!!

If he's still an immature man as your sister suggests, why would she expect you to date him? You have one child to raise, you don't need to be raising his mother's child

Nothing to do with age/kids

You're just getting picked last after 2 years

His loss 👍🏻

Tell your sister to look on the bright side: this prince among boyfriends is now back on the market. If she's single herself then this is her big chance! And very good luck to the pair of them.

He's too immature for you. Dumping him was right, your sister is wrong.

Some people like the idea and no issue eh a person with kids but as time goes on they realise it’s not for them. I do think if this is the case he should have just been honest with you. But now you can both move on and find love with other people who are better suited to you both

I think you've posted about him before, I'm glad you've broken up with him.

Your sister is either deluded or happy for you be with someone who is not good enough for you. I would be wary of her.

Yeah your sister is definitely in the wrong here. Kids or no kids that's a really shitty way to treat someone just picking them up and dropping them at a moments notice.

Stick to the dumping!

What was his reaction? Did he ask why? Did you tell him about being unreliable?

My ex was the same. It just boiled down to the fact he just didn't really have feelings for me.

It's not his age - he's just an arse
It's not your DC - he's just selfish.
My 35 yr old ex used to make plans with me and cancel at last minute - he liked me to be sat at home not meeting anyone else.
Hope you've dumped his sorry arse by now!
.

He is obviously not that in to you so you did the correct thing. You are not his play thing to pick up and drop as he chooses. I assume your sister is young if she thinks this is how we treat people we care about.

Yanbu. Tell your sister she’s welcome to him!

What is it with the OPs breaking covid rules at the moment?

When I was 27, I had a partner with a 3 year old daughter. I wouldn't have dreamt of behaving like this guy. It wouldn't have been fair on DP or DSD.

If you want to behave like a teenager in your "mid 20s" (27 is pushing that definition) then fine but it makes you unsuitable for having a relationship with someone who has a kid.

I live alone and he was in my support bubble, so not breaking covid rules.

When I broke up with him he just said, 'sorry about today, I should've let you know, I let the day run away with me. I'll come tomorrow if you'll give me the chance.' To which I replied, 'I am not going to be anyones after thought.'

He's tried to talk to me since but I've been very curt and have no plans to get back with him. It's only after taking to my sister that I thought I may be being a little harsh.

@hr924

I live alone and he was in my support bubble, so not breaking covid rules.

When I broke up with him he just said, 'sorry about today, I should've let you know, I let the day run away with me. I'll come tomorrow if you'll give me the chance.' To which I replied, 'I am not going to be anyones after thought.'

He's tried to talk to me since but I've been very curt and have no plans to get back with him. It's only after taking to my sister that I thought I may be being a little harsh.

He has a flatmate which means that his household can be in one support bubble. If he is in a bubble with you that means his flatmate can't be in a bubble with anyone else. He has also been seeing his family.

So yes, you are breaking covid rules.

My sister thinks IABU because he is 'only mid-20s and doesn't have DC of his own so doesn't understand responsibility.'

I'll bet a pound to my last sausage roll that if he did have kids he wouldn't change one bit. The woman he had them with would still be the one taking responsibility while he 'let things run away with him'.

OP you've done absolutely the right thing. Stick to your guns. Don't let him crawl back, whatever he promises it'll just be words.

Yanbu. I cannot abide flakiness. I don't badger/hassle/nag people to make plans with me, but when they do I expect them to keep to them (within reason - obviously illness and unforeseen circumstances aside). I have dumped "friends" for this kind of behaviour before and I certainly wouldn't put up with it from a partner. Nothing worse than being made to feel like a second option or after thought as you said.

@MrsBrunch take a day off fgs

You phrased it perfectly that you won’t be his after thought. I had two kids with someone who treats me like this (I have shit self esteem). It never got better and my love for him soon turned to hatred. He inherently selfish. So well done to you. You dodge a bullet.