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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m worried as haven’t asked my best friend to be Godparent... please can I have your thoughts?

59 replies

MummyTreeC · 02/01/2021 22:11

Hello there,

I’m a chronic worrier so need your advice please!!

I have asked two of my very close friends to be my daughters godparents. I had a really tough pregnancy and they were so incredible then and since our baby has come and they have been my very close friends for nearly 18 years. They have both posted it on social media today but I haven’t told my best friend as to be honest... I don’t know how to. She’s had the worst 2 years... losing 2 people extremely close to her which has completely changed her life. So I feel absolutely awful for not asking her I really do. But I really wanted to ask these two people as they are a huge part of my daughters life and an incredible constant support to me and always have been.

Please can you help me how I bring it up with my best friend? She’s going to be upset I know it and I hate for that!

Sorry this sounds silly... but sometimes you need an opinion from someone who doesn’t know you :).

OP posts:
SwayingInTime · 02/01/2021 22:12

Have her too?

CoffeeRunner · 02/01/2021 22:13

Well, firstly you are very lucky to have 3 such wonderful friends in your life.

Personally, I would have just had 3 god mothers.

RettyPriddle · 02/01/2021 22:13

Yes, have her too.

JohnMiddleNameRedactedSwanson · 02/01/2021 22:14

There’s no reason why your child can’t have three godmothers.

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 02/01/2021 22:15

Why not just have her aswell.

JohnMiddleNameRedactedSwanson · 02/01/2021 22:15

Are they all baptised?

covidaintacrime · 02/01/2021 22:15

If Sleeping Beauty had 3 Godmothers, so too can your daughter Grin

Freddiefox · 02/01/2021 22:16

Do this m if you don’t have your best friend who has had a very hard few year would be a bit of a kick and probably the beginning of the end of that relationship

nyenc · 02/01/2021 22:17

If she's genuinely your best friend and you don't want to make her year worse then just have her as well.

Is there a reason you don't want to ask her?

Vthirtyone · 02/01/2021 22:19

Agree with above- just have 3?
My best friend doesn't have kids, by choice. She's not a godmother to mine because I want our relationship to be just us, and for her to be 'mine' she agrees and isn't fussed at all. My kids adore her, but we tend to meet up away from them as she doesn't want to hang around parks etc. Hope that doesn't sound wierd, it works for us.

MoreLikeThis · 02/01/2021 22:19

Is your friend religious?

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 02/01/2021 22:21

They must not need to be baptised. My sister isn't and has 3 god children.

Original poster
MummyTreeC · 02/01/2021 22:22

Thank you so much all xx

The only thing is... and again this sounds so silly so please excuse my silly worrying... it’s just who I am 😂...

I am in 2 friendship groups.. of whom all I’m extremely close to. More like sisters.

So the group I’m in with my best friend I’ve asked one from that one and of the other. If I ask her then it would be a knock on effect. Hence why have stuck at just two.

We would love more children so am hoping she would understand. She is very open in saying how she feels so think she will say and think she’s going to be angry.

It is absolutely nothing against her at all but I feel bad :(.

I know how very childish all this sounds. But we are really set on two women and one man. Then the same if we have another. All that have been asked have been baptised. :)

OP posts:
Autumnnightsaredrawingin · 02/01/2021 22:22

I made my two best friends godmother to my first child, and neither of them did the same for me. It hurt, a lot. We are still super close but it does make me sad. It’s obviously your choice but I would have had all 3.

CassandrasCastle · 02/01/2021 22:23

Ask her too...? 🤔

FlopMadeMeDoIt · 02/01/2021 22:24

Are they all baptised themselves? Maybe just have all 3? At our church all godparents had to have been baptised. So I couldn't ask one of my friends to be GM and she was annoyed about it, but there wasn't much I could do Confused

CassandrasCastle · 02/01/2021 22:24

Sounds very over complicated

JohnMiddleNameRedactedSwanson · 02/01/2021 22:25

@LoveMyKidsAndCats

They must not need to be baptised. My sister isn't and has 3 god children.
If not baptised they can be ‘supporters’ of the child, participate in the baptism service, and be indistinguishable from godparents in virtually all ways, but they can’t be named on the baptism certificate.
Original poster
MummyTreeC · 02/01/2021 22:25

@Autumnnightsaredrawingin I have done this to my friends again feeling bad. I have 5 godchildren... but have asked one of the mothers to be my daughters.

Deary me... I said to my husband I shouldn’t have asked anyone as I’d worry like this!! 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyTreeC · 02/01/2021 22:25

@CassandrasCastle I totally agree! Lol!

OP posts:
Fatladyslim · 02/01/2021 22:26

I think this will be the end of your friendship if you don't have her too.

I wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid of two of my best friends (we were a group of 3 at the time). It really really hurt me, especially when l they would talk openly infront of me about how excited they were to be each others bridesmaids, really rubbing it in. One evening they did it and I cried to dp for hours.

I got over it and never said anything but I have gained a lot more self respect over the years since and still hold them both at arms length. I wouldn't let someone treat me like that now, I would walk away from the friendship and would tell a friend to do the same.

Original poster
MummyTreeC · 02/01/2021 22:27

I need this honesty thank you so much. Xx

OP posts:
ThanksItHasPockets · 02/01/2021 22:29

Is she going to see the others’ social media posts? If you are serious about maintaining the friendship she needs to hear this directly from you. It will be very hurtful to find out from social media. If you truly intend to ask her to be a godparent to a future child then you could mention this but it is a big commitment to make for a child who doesn’t exist yet.

laudete · 02/01/2021 22:31

I would include your BFF as a godparent. I think you'll come to regret it if you don't. If your local vicar isn't on board with that... You don't have to use your local church!

Bitcherama · 02/01/2021 22:31

I still don't understand why you don't have her too. Your reasoning is weird and feeble. She is your best friend and has gone through hell. You're SO worried she'll be angry (as opposed to very hurt) but you still can't have her?

This sounds like you just don't want her and haven't the guts to own it in case people think you're being mean. Have her or suck up her being upset. It's that simple. I have six godparents.