how close are you to your siblings if you have a large age gap?

[cookiesandcream21]

Got a bit upset with DSis over this Xmas break, but no one to ask in RL. I've realized that we mostly only really see each other at our parents - about once a month - this is obviously before Covid. Not sure whether this is usual or not e.g. she meets with her BIL/SIL every weekend but they are all the same age. There is a nine-year gap between DSis and I and we sometimes joke that we both grew up as only children and am now in my 40s with two kids while she's in her 30s childfree for now.

How often do adults actually see their siblings if you live in the same place especially if there's a large age gap? And how often did you grow up seeing your aunts and uncles?

Hi Op, sorry that you don’t have a close relationship with the your sister, I’ve selected YABU bcos I don’t think I age has anything to do with it. My sister is 8 years younger than me and before covid she would come over for sleepovers every two months or so, and I would go to the family home every 6 - 8 weeks too.

Do you have other siblings?

Once a month feels a lot to me. Most people I know only see adult siblings every few months or less. I don’t know anyone who has a close frequent relationship with theirs as an adult.

I have one sibling 5 years older who I’m not close to. We are just very different types of people. One who is 18 months younger & I’m very close too. See each other at least a couple of times a month and chat a lot. He’s one of my closest friends.

Large age gap, zero relationship.

10 year gap here and if I never see her again it'll be too soon. She's been jealous of me all my life, can't stand to see me do or have something, or go somewhere, before her and has tantrums to get her own way. My mum's scared of her so often treats me like shite to stop her melting down.

Large ish age gap. Super close, in touch most days.

18 month age gap, not as close, but better now we are all in our late 30s and 40s.

4 years between me and DB

We live 9 miles away from each other.

I last saw him just after I had DC in June, before that it was 2018 we don’t really talk and I’m fine with that. So is he.

10 year age gap but see each other most weeks and text most days.

Sis is 5 years younger. May aswell be 20 we are just v different and have different lifestyles, I'm early 30s was married career mortgage and DC at her age and she is living her life as a single woman which is fine we just have very little in common.

We do now live very far apart now might see each other every 6 months but I have never visited her in her new home country

I don't know if age really matters, maybe more the individuals and where they are in life. If my sibling had children then we would be in the same place and she might understand each other more

Largish age gaps with 2 siblings.

See 1 once a year at Christmas (although not this year), the other maybe a few times a year, but only if we bump into each other at parents.

No antagonism, no fallings out, we're just not close. We message throughout the year occasionally but that's it.

I completely put it down to the age gap, we weren't close growing up, in fact my DB left home for uni when I was 7, so we've just never had that bond.

This is why I had my children close together. They have a relationship that I've never had with my siblings.

just to clarify - I sometimes feel that because of our age gap we hardly ever peers when growing up and have lived most of our lives in different cities/countries until recently - mostly because I moved away. Dont have any other siblings and everyone around me seems to have a very small age gaps and most of their childhood memories seem to be of them playing together etc which is just not the same in our family

I'm very close to my sister, she's 10 years younger and has a completely different lifestyle to me - I'm a widow with an adult child and my own house, she's in a relationship with her lovely girlfriend of 3 years, no children, lives at home with our parents and her girlfriend. We both work in the public sector (me in civil service, she's a nurse). We fight like cat and dog at times but she is my closest friend now DH is no longer here.

DS has two older brothers, one is 18 years older and the other 13 years older. He is close to the younger one but not really in contact with the eldest, but neither is the brother he's close to. He lived as an only child from the age of 5 when his brother went to uni but there's no resentment there.

Also not sure age is the defining factor.
My mum is 1 of 5, ages (at birth of the youngest) were 0m, 4m, 13f, 18f (my mum), 22m.
I'd say post childhood my mum has closest to the 0yo and 4yo.

@HumphreyGoodmanswife - that was exactly my thinking. there is a two year age gap between mine and their bond is so lovely. I also loved DSis and we did spend a lot of time together but i was more of a surrogate parent/babysitter than peer really.

@Chasingsquirrels

Also not sure age is the defining factor. My mum is 1 of 5, ages (at birth of the youngest) were 0m, 4m, 13f, 18f (my mum), 22m. I'd say post childhood my mum has closest to the 0yo and 4yo.

In my head I read that as ...

0 months, 4 months, 13 f?, 18f? and 22 months. I was trying to work out how your mother had managed to have so many children in two years 🤦🏻‍♀️

justanotherneighinparadise, I thought that after I'd posted!

I'm the middle of 3. One 5 years older, one 5 years younger. We are very close, the oldest and I live together having went together to buy a house and the youngest is here often to just catch up or share in a mutual hobby we have. My siblings are my best friends but we went through some tough stuff earlier in life that I think perhaps pushed us together. I suppose I should also add we range from early 20's to early 30's and none of us have partners or kids which I know and accept will change our dynamic but I do hope they are able to remain a big part of my life.

I speak to my sibling who is 11 years younger than me daily, where as my sibling who is 10 months older than me, I rarely speak to. Couldnt tell you what they are up to.

5 and a half years. Very close. See each other most weeks, phone calls in-between.

I think it does make a difference. My DSB and I grew up in the same house but I was so much older, we never went to the same school whereas everyone else I knew had brothers or sisters at school together. I think for us, it was also the years we were born fell across a generation gap. We see each other once a year sometimes. Sometimes not even that. Personality also comes into it I think, and how parents treated us (favoritism for DSB from my stepdad). We have never been close and we don't really get on. I want to have my second baby soon after my first so they at least have the chance of being into the same stuff as each other.

I’m 27 and my siblings are 10 and 6months. It’s more of an auntie relationship because they are so young. I have a brother who is a year younger than me and we see eachother all the time and geht along really well.

8 years between me and my sister, I'm in my 40s with kids and she's in her 30s and child free. We're really close, she's my best friend. We live in different parts of the country but message most days and meet up fairly regularly well when covid isn't preventing everything. I think it's mostly luck that it's worked out like this, our parents gave us a less than usual upbringing so that might have bonded us more I suppose (we are the youngest two of several and are the closest).

I think it's hit and miss with siblings becoming good friends though, just one of those things (although there are things that actively prevent it like parents that promote competition between children etc) - ultimately though just because you came out of the same factory doesn't make you the same product.

I have a 9 year gap with my sister. Not particularly close. Definitely wouldn't describe her as a friend. I'm older. We weren't close as kids either.

My kids have a similar gap. I was gutted it worked out that way at first but my kids are actually very close. I hope that continues.

I have three brothers who are all older then me.

One is 20 years older, the next is 18 years older then me and my youngest brother is 16 years older.

Growing up, we wasn't that close. By the time I was a child they all had their families. As I have got older I have become much more closer to the eldest 2.

We only live about 5 minutes away from each other so see each other regularly.

I haven't spoken to my youngest brother in 2 years though.

How often do adults actually see their siblings if you live in the same place especially if there's a large age gap? And how often did you grow up seeing your aunts and uncles?

3 Aunties and 2 uncles. I saw 1 auntie weekly as her and my mum were close, rarely saw the other 2. Same with uncles, I think its just like friendships, you either get on well or you dont. Some people think because they are siblings they should be closer etc I just dont think its realistic, especially once you're an adult. It's not uncommon to only see certain members at family events, a text here and there.