how close are you to your siblings if you have a large age gap?

[cookiesandcream21]

Got a bit upset with DSis over this Xmas break, but no one to ask in RL. I've realized that we mostly only really see each other at our parents - about once a month - this is obviously before Covid. Not sure whether this is usual or not e.g. she meets with her BIL/SIL every weekend but they are all the same age. There is a nine-year gap between DSis and I and we sometimes joke that we both grew up as only children and am now in my 40s with two kids while she's in her 30s childfree for now.

How often do adults actually see their siblings if you live in the same place especially if there's a large age gap? And how often did you grow up seeing your aunts and uncles?

12 years (different mothers).

Really quite close. Speak regularly on the phone and see each other 2 or 3 times a year (live far apart).

My sis is 9 years younger than me. We only see each other when I visit my parents ... Mainly because she still lives with them ( and her own child). If she lived else where we might have a better relationship as she has never had to be independent or taken responsibility for anything. My parents still treat her like a child ( late 20's).
We have very different views on what is important in life so have plenty of disagreements.
My other sibling is 18 months younger than me and our relationship is better - he is good friends with my husband now which is nice.

I have two siblings. One is close in age (couple of years younger) and the other is 13 years younger. I am not close to the one closest in age to me - they're not very nice. The baby and I are bezzies, on the whole. Just much more similar, weirdly, even though I'd left home just as they went to primary school!

13 year gap between myself, and my youngest brother, more with the older ones (obviously), old enough to be my fathers.

When I was young, they were amazing, literally like having four fathers, lots of playing and attention. The two older ones moved out when I was only 3/4 though, so from that point on, just visits, although as I got older, they did take me out to rugby matches and to the club! I was closest to the youngest brother, but he left home soon too, so again arms length.

We all saw each other on and off over the years, lots of family parties when they had children. The saddest part is as we have older. They no longer have young children, I do, and because they are now retired, they no longer are interested or have much thought to my DC's. Also I find they can be quite old fashioned in their views, different generation, and I get quite annoyed with them. So, now, we probably only see one another 3 or 4 times a year, and they don't even bother sending gifts for birthdays to my DC's, which is really sad for them, they notice.

There’s just the two of us and there’s an 11 year age gap between me and my older sister. We don’t have anything in common really (apart from having the same parents and the same sense of humour) and pre-Covid we’d see each other perhaps every few weeks if we happened to be visiting our parents at the same time. We do keep in touch by text and WhatsApp quite often though.

That’s a lot more often than we used to see each other though. When she was with her previous husband we could go for over a year without seeing each other or having any communication whatsoever but that changed when she met her wonderful and very family-orientated second husband 10 years ago.

I do love her to bits though, and we get on very well.

9 yr age gap here. No memory of playing together as children. Always been at different life stages. We probably see each other every 3-4 months. I wish we were closer

5 years between me and sis. We're very close. Used to see each other every day. Not as much now with covid etc but still close.

Age gap is irrelevant. I have 2 DB. One 7 years younger than me and we are best friends. We see each other all the time. My other DB is much closer in years and we haven’t spoken for years. ( never want to speak to him ever again, long story) it Is the personality of the person I think not that age difference.

My brothers are 14 and 16 years older than me and I'm very close to both of them.

4 years with my sibling. We only see each other twice a year because we live in different countries. Very close as children, barely spoke to each other during teenage years/early 20s (tbh that's when most of the moving around different cities and countries happened), but now we're actually quite close. Message a lot every day and phone call/FaceTime 2-3 times each week.

I imagine the frequency and closeness will inevitably change again as we move on to different chapters in our life - weddings, children, new jobs... who knows!

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss I find that very sad 😞

There's 5 years between me and my sister and if I don't see her for a week I feel like something is missing! This goes the same for my niece. Obviously due to covid we've had to video chat and see each other outside etc.
We live in the same street also.

I think it's to do with personalities and how you get on rather than age gap. One of my good friends at work is 20 years older than me.

My brother is 10 years younger. We were not close growing up, but now I’m in my 30’s and he’s in his 20’s we live in the same city and see each other fairly regularly. I am super proud of him (as he’s high-flying - Cambridge/Harvard and now works at an investment bank with a six-figure salary at the age of 25, so I tell everyone about my little brother’s achievements.

There is 8 years between me and my oldest sister and 5.5 between me and my middle sister. I don't really remember living with my oldest sister as we moved to my stepdads when she was 19 and she stayed in the other house. We have always been close though. I was only 13 when my niece was born and I used to go over to her house at least once a week for tea after school and babysit for my niece and nephew.
The 3 of us are close but I'd say we're all quite different as well. We used to see each other a lot when I was living much closer to her and now I'm the one with young kids she makes the effort to come and visit me during school holidays (works in a school) I wouldn't say the age gap makes much difference to us especially as we get older

really interesting to hear about everyone else's experiences and you are probably right that age difference might not have much to do with it.

until this year - I really didn't mind us seeing each other occasionally and having a bit more of a distant relationship. But with covid, having little kids, and moving back to our old city (but where I don't know many people anymore), am probably just missing having close friends and someone to talk to when things are really tough. Whereas for her it's been a really productive year and she obviously has a full life - so I sort of get why she doesnt really have time for us.

30-35 year age gap and we rarely see each other due to living hundreds of miles apart. They make me smile when I see them and they’re great kids but they don’t really feel like siblings.

It’s a strained relationship though - our dad (known as the “sperm donor” by my older brother from the first litter) is pretty spineless and never gets in touch. He’s not interested in my DC (same age as his other kids) and I’m not sure he would be able to pick my youngest one out in a lineup if his life depended on it. We had a pretty shit time growing up and the old man was obsessed by what people thought ... he’s gone all bohemian (hmm, a nice word for even lazier) now and sneers at any form of conventional behaviour / conforming to social norms (how pedestrian, tinkly laugh) so his kids have the wild sort of childhood I would have thrived in. Their mum is really confident and is showing them how to be the same so I know they’ll be supported / have great boundaries / do well in life rather than constantly fearing reprisals for saying / doing / being the wrong thing. Sadly I can’t really see us ever developing much of a bond though which is a shame. Too much history and heartache not to mention the distance. And sadly a psychopathic brother who delights in keeping everyone fighting by stirring and telling lies. Easier just to walk away....

Not close to my brother or sister, 12-13 yrs between us....separate families really.

11 years between us, I never see him. Suits me fine.

There are 11 years between oldest and youngest (me). The older three all left home by the time I was about 8 so the next one and I grew up mostly just the two of us and we've always been close.

But as adults we are all pretty close and ky rldest sister snd I were probably closest. Those who are left don't see each other much these days as we live all over the country but we've seen each other on a family zoom quiz almost every week since March.

Interestingly eldest sister hated the next sister (3 years gap) from the moment she was born although I'm glad they had a genuine reconciliation before my eldest sister died.

I have 2 brothers. Both younger, one by 2 years, and there is nearly 10 years between me and my youngest. We are all pretty close. There is 3 years between DH and his brother and they have nothing to do with each other. I don't think the age gap is relevant, it's the individuals.

My sister is 7 years older than me but we shared a room from when I was born until she was 18. We used to live very close together so saw each other frequently and we text a lot, she is one of my best friends. My brothers are 9 and 11 years older than me and we are close too.

My DSis was 14 years older than me. Never was close mainly due to age gap. I saw her 3 times in 24 years. We hadn't fallen out...just lived different lives. She died last year.
I am close to her dd, who is only 10 years younger than me

8 yes between me and my brother. Not close at all

My DH and his brother have a 4.5 year age gap and they have no relationship at all.

They don’t see each other, they don’t phone each other, they don’t even text each other.

His brother wasn’t even at our wedding.

They may see each other at Christmas if they both go to the In-law’s house but they have nothing much to say, it’s all very superficial.

His brother has no uncle type relationship with our children, and my DH has no uncle type relationship with his brother’s children.

I’m very close to my sister and I cannot understand my DH and his brother’s relationship at all.

I’m 30, the oldest and my 2 youngest siblings haven reached adulthood yet. We aren’t overly close. I think I like I cannot relate to teens these days. I have a brother in his twenties. Even we aren’t close as we are on different paths. I would love to know what it’s like to have a sibling close in age and close relationship. Never had it.

Oh is similar. He was an only child until he was 12 when his sister came along. He was even older when his 2 youngest siblings were born. They aren’t overly close either. Now are now all
In twenties! They get on I guess but don’t share any common interests!

Imo large age gaps in siblings suck. Some families make it work but my mother didn’t!

My brother is 15 years younger than me (I’m 42 he’s 27) I see him lots, I left home when he was 4 and had my eldest and they are good friends too but I see him probably a couple of times a month for dog walks or to feed him when he’s skint 🙄