Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tie him up?

63 replies

Chanandlerbong01 · 01/01/2021 02:27

Me and my partner aren’t getting on. I told him a few days ago I want to leave, he hasn’t taken this very serious. I’m keeping an eye out for houses and I’ve saved almost enough. The other day we made an agreement to sleep in separate rooms, I think he’s expecting me to change my mind after a few days.

Tonight he has gotten very drunk, he has knocked over some boxes in the spare room so setting a bed up in there would take me over an hour, I’m not willing to do it because I’m sick of having to look after him. I’m not giving him our bed because he agreed I could have it because he has been in the wrong and caused the fall out.

He’s come to bed 3 times, he’s beyond drunk and not something I want to lie next to. He passed out downstairs with the window wide open so it’s freezing so I’m not swapping with him. The cold sets me asthma off. He is so drunk that each time he comes back he has no recollection of coming up half an hour before. I’ve had a 2 hour sleep now so I am wide awake and fuming.

I am meant to be getting up at 6 to meet my friend for an early morning dog walk which I probably won’t manage now. How many things does he have to spoil. Every special occasion is overshadowed by him.

Am I being out of order in all of this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Chanandlerbong01 · 01/01/2021 02:28

So my AIBU to tie him to a chair in the fucking garage so I can relax without being woken up every 10 minutes and not having to worry about him hurting himself and me having to get him to a&e?

OP posts:
PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 01/01/2021 02:30

I would! Next thing he will piss somewhere on the carpet amd/or throw up and leave it to fester. Shove him in the garage out of the way!

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 01/01/2021 02:36

If you can get him outside as far as the garage (or further), can you not simply lock him out of the house?

1forAll74 · 01/01/2021 03:07

Put him in the garage, shed, or out on the lawn or paving stones, If he is that far drunk,he might not comprehend what you are doing. If you can't carry him etc, try and take him to the door, as if to get some fresh air, then shove him out, and lock the door.

Wows3rs · 01/01/2021 03:10

A morning dog walk is a special occasion?

MiddleClassMother · 01/01/2021 03:11

@Wows3rs

A morning dog walk is a special occasion?
In the times of tier 4 and social distancing, yes it is!
MiddleClassMother · 01/01/2021 03:12

I wouldn't tie him up but definitely lock him in the garage until morning when he's sobered up. It'll do him some good.

Somethingkindaoooo · 01/01/2021 03:15

Tie him up?
In the garage, where its freezing?

You know he could die, right?

Just sleep in the bloody spare room, and then leave him.

ElizaLaLa · 01/01/2021 03:20

If he died it would be his own fault.

Frownette · 01/01/2021 03:24

It's too cold - just shut the window and try to get some sleep. If he makes a mess, HE cleans up.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/01/2021 03:49

No. I don’t think you should do this, however tempted. You will be rid of him soon enough.

MisfitRightIn · 01/01/2021 03:57

@Wows3rs

A morning dog walk is a special occasion?
Any event these days is a special event. Especially when it’s about all we can do to celebrate New Year.
Maskedcrusader · 01/01/2021 04:03

Maybe don't tie him up in the garage, as tempting as it sounds. Close the window & try to get some sleep. Do go on your morning walk how ever tired you are ,you will feel better for it. Happy New year OP.

Original poster
Chanandlerbong01 · 01/01/2021 04:05

@Wows3rs no New Years is supposed to be a special occasion and he ruined that. Just like he did Christmas, and my birthday.... plus all the years before this.

@Somethingkindaoooo he’s wrecked the spare room so it would take about an hour to sort, why should I do that when he’s in the wrong and agreed I could have the bed until I’m sorted with somewhere to go.

OP posts:
Frownette · 01/01/2021 04:09

If the window's shut it might help keep him asleep downstairs, at the warmer temperature, then you can go back to bed. What an idiot! Get a little rest and try to make it for dogwalk after a strong coffee :)

Italiangreyhound · 01/01/2021 04:24

Do not tie him up, something could go wrong like he could start choking on his own vomit or something.

Tomorrow, get a lock for your bedroom door and make it clear what the plan is for your future.

Good luck.

ClangingChimesofDoom · 01/01/2021 04:29

If he died it would be his own fault

Christ, steady on there!

Wows3rs · 01/01/2021 04:32

I guess so. I'm just trying to be more realistic as I don't live with my fiancé and these rules meant we couldn't spend Christmas or New Year together even though we had tons planned. It has been incredibly depressing but we didn't break rules - this is not derogatory towards anybody that did or celebratory towards anybody that didn't. I think perspective is deeply required.

SkedaddIe · 01/01/2021 04:34

@ElizaLaLa

If he died it would be his own fault.
Don't think the cps would agree with that.
Wows3rs · 01/01/2021 04:39

And also, this probably is not the place to post/rant (and perhaps very oh so irrelevant) but not every guy is gaslighting or emotionally abusive just because he forgets to buy you a birthday card or has a hangover. I don't understand why the common advice is for women to leave their marriages based on such slights.

Frownette · 01/01/2021 04:42

@Wows3rs, have you got the wrong thread?

RizzleDrizzle · 01/01/2021 04:45

I think some people are taking the tie him up seriously - I think op just wants him to stop waking her up.

Also op why is the window open - just bloody shut it that means either you can sleep down stairs or he’s more likely to stay asleep

Or if he’s trashed the spare room surely he can sleep in there he might sleep better in a bed which will stop him waking you!

hammeringinmyhead · 01/01/2021 04:46

@Wows3rs

And also, this probably is not the place to post/rant (and perhaps very oh so irrelevant) but not every guy is gaslighting or emotionally abusive just because he forgets to buy you a birthday card or has a hangover. I don't understand why the common advice is for women to leave their marriages based on such slights.
It is irrelevant. Are you trying to say she should be grateful to be in the house with a wasted, inconsiderate almost-ex partner keeping her up all night because you couldn't see your fiancé this Christmas?
thosetalesofunexpected · 01/01/2021 04:48

Hi Op
If you are not happy in your relantship..

You are right
Get out of this sham relantship
Its no longer good for you.
Don't leave him overnight in garage !!!

Just forcus on getting out of relantship !

Original poster
Chanandlerbong01 · 01/01/2021 04:52

@Wows3rs I wouldn’t consider forgetting to buy a card or a hangover emotional abuse either. I don’t understand what that has to do with this though? I would find that a ridiculous reason to leave someone.
My reasons for leaving and very valid, but even if they weren’t valid it doesn’t matter as it is my decision to be with someone or not. Just because you didn’t spend Christmas or new year with your partner doesn’t mean I should lower my standards and settle.

He’s finally gone quiet, hopefully this means I will get sleep now. I have cancelled with my friend however as I am far too tired to be able to drive to the walk.

OP posts: