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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tie him up?

63 replies

Chanandlerbong01 · 01/01/2021 02:27

Me and my partner aren’t getting on. I told him a few days ago I want to leave, he hasn’t taken this very serious. I’m keeping an eye out for houses and I’ve saved almost enough. The other day we made an agreement to sleep in separate rooms, I think he’s expecting me to change my mind after a few days.

Tonight he has gotten very drunk, he has knocked over some boxes in the spare room so setting a bed up in there would take me over an hour, I’m not willing to do it because I’m sick of having to look after him. I’m not giving him our bed because he agreed I could have it because he has been in the wrong and caused the fall out.

He’s come to bed 3 times, he’s beyond drunk and not something I want to lie next to. He passed out downstairs with the window wide open so it’s freezing so I’m not swapping with him. The cold sets me asthma off. He is so drunk that each time he comes back he has no recollection of coming up half an hour before. I’ve had a 2 hour sleep now so I am wide awake and fuming.

I am meant to be getting up at 6 to meet my friend for an early morning dog walk which I probably won’t manage now. How many things does he have to spoil. Every special occasion is overshadowed by him.

Am I being out of order in all of this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Chanandlerbong01 · 01/01/2021 04:54

I shut the window ages ago by the way but because the house is old the rooms still freezing and will be until we light a fire tomorrow- I can’t be arsed doing that now.

I threw a spare duvet downstairs for him to use/fall onto when attempting the stairs.

OP posts:
Wows3rs · 01/01/2021 04:57

[quote Frownette]@Wows3rs, have you got the wrong thread?[/quote]
I clearly said this was probably not the correct place to vent!

I am just astonished with the negativity on here - the site - with regards to relationships. And it isn't even justified. I could comprehend if it was cheating or any form of abuse but the majority seems to be insignificant things that we should all just dissolve our relationships over, like somebody forgetting a birthday card or having a hangover. This is abnormal.

Frownette · 01/01/2021 04:57

Try to get some sleep, hopefully you can reschedule with your friend for soon.

I can see why you're leaving him Flowers

Wows3rs · 01/01/2021 05:02

[quote Chanandlerbong01]@Wows3rs I wouldn’t consider forgetting to buy a card or a hangover emotional abuse either. I don’t understand what that has to do with this though? I would find that a ridiculous reason to leave someone.
My reasons for leaving and very valid, but even if they weren’t valid it doesn’t matter as it is my decision to be with someone or not. Just because you didn’t spend Christmas or new year with your partner doesn’t mean I should lower my standards and settle.

He’s finally gone quiet, hopefully this means I will get sleep now. I have cancelled with my friend however as I am far too tired to be able to drive to the walk.[/quote]
I'm confused. If you want to leave then leave. I just thought your special occasion new year's morning dog walk was very entitled compared to my situation. That was the difference i was highlighting.

Wows3rs · 01/01/2021 05:04

Maybe we are all in a different country. Or universe.

RizzleDrizzle · 01/01/2021 05:06

Yes @Wows3rs but honestly a lot of relationships should have ended long before they appear on these threads! Often clinging to relationships is what causes mental breakdowns or worse.

This really is not the thread for your rant. If you have a problem with the way people talk on these threads start your own thread

Don’t try and hijack and disminish someone who’s having very serious issues in their relationship.

Yes her language was wrong.but there are often worse things said it’s hyperbole.

Frownette · 01/01/2021 05:07

@Wows3rs OP just wanted to enjoy seeing her friend and he's spoilt it.

RizzleDrizzle · 01/01/2021 05:17

Everyone else is confused by your responses to be hones @Wows3rs

Personally I can’t really see why you think going for a dog walk might not be a special occasion, I go for a walk every weekend with a friend it’s something I like to do, when I was a kid my family always met for swimming on a Saturday morning, many families have a Sunday roast every Sunday and they would’ve totally entitled to feel fucked off if anyone of those things got spoilt by some one behaving in the way OPs partner has messed up a simple walk with a friend. Let alone at a time when social distancing and teir 4 mean it’s one of the few occasions you get too see other people.

The situations you were describing had nothing to do with OPs situation. Of which you have tiny snippets of. Which you also only have a tiny snippet off the threads that do on first reading seem to you trivial. You don’t have the full story. Forgetting a birthday card or having a hang over for the 20th Saturday in a row might just be the tip of the iceberg

There may have been other threads, or the posters are choosing not too post the full story but OST’s like yours are really not helpful.

RizzleDrizzle · 01/01/2021 05:19

Op hope you have a lie in and meet up with your friend soon

mynameiscalypso · 01/01/2021 05:41

OP has already clarified that NYE was the special occasion she was referring to - not a dog walk.

Much sympathy OP, DH has done this once or twice without the context of us splitting up and I hate it. Hope you've got some sleep now.

Original poster
Chanandlerbong01 · 01/01/2021 10:02

He woke me back up at 7:30, I’m amazed he is still alive! He’s still in bed now and I’m up looking after his kids. He’s not in a state to care for them though so I can’t ignore it because it’s not fair on them.

@Wows3rs going for a dog walk is not very entitled. It’s something I had arranged because I’ve had a horrible couple of months as a result of his behaviour and I want to speak to someone about it before I get in my car and drive very fast into a wall. You have no idea what has been going on in my life, I came on here for some support because I don’t know anyone irl that was awake at that time. Clearly I don’t deserve that because you don’t live with your partner- maybe I should judge that and make you feel worse without knowing any details.

Thank you @RizzleDrizzle for sticking up for me, it is really appreciated.

OP posts:
00100001 · 01/01/2021 10:04

@Wows3rs

A morning dog walk is a special occasion?
I love going for walks with my friend and his dog. It's lovely.
Frownette · 01/01/2021 10:07

I didn't realise there were children there. How did he get so drunk without you noticing?

SharedLife · 01/01/2021 10:14

@Frownette what difference would it make if the OP had noticed? Would you have expected her to stop him? How?

Original poster
Chanandlerbong01 · 01/01/2021 10:14

@Frownette he went from ok to unable to stand very suddenly. There seemed to be hours of sober and no tipsy but then a mess. He wouldn’t have stopped on my request anyway.

His kids didn’t notice the situation, they saw it as a joke because he was drunk rather than the fact he was being a prick. In hindsight I missed a trick really because I should have put one in bed with me so he stopped trying to get in and then he would have just gone and got in their bed, I just didn’t think at the time.

OP posts:
Ithinkim · 01/01/2021 10:14

I'm sorry your morning got cancelled. He sounds awful Thanks

Plussizejumpsuit · 01/01/2021 10:17

@Wows3rs

Maybe we are all in a different country. Or universe.
I think you might be right with the different universe thing. Ops partner is being a drunken dick. Not sure why you are so annoyed about op wanting to leave him and complaining about him.
Frownette · 01/01/2021 10:18

[quote SharedLife]@Frownette what difference would it make if the OP had noticed? Would you have expected her to stop him? How?[/quote]
It was a genuine question, not a criticism of not policing him.

Hope you see friend soon.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 01/01/2021 10:23

well not that awful Ithinkim
Whatever the reason for the split, OP is able to stay on on his home until convenient, AND have the main bedroom (apart from when he is pissed and forgets) rather than move into the spare room/sleep on the couch herself.

LannieDuck · 01/01/2021 10:49

He sounds awful, I'm glad you're getting out.

MadeForThis · 01/01/2021 11:07

I'd make lots of noise around the house. And let him feed himself today.

hammeringinmyhead · 01/01/2021 11:51

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay

well not that awful Ithinkim Whatever the reason for the split, OP is able to stay on on his home until convenient, AND have the main bedroom (apart from when he is pissed and forgets) rather than move into the spare room/sleep on the couch herself.
Good job she is staying there today if he is too pissed or hungover to look after his own kids, don't you think?
hansgrueber · 01/01/2021 11:56

@ElizaLaLa

If he died it would be his own fault.
If he was illegally restrained for no good, ie legal, reason then it would be the fault of the one who assaulted him Had a woman been drunk, and I'm sure it happens, and a man had made this suggestion the screeches of outrage would be deafening! Such is the hypocrisy of MN, the woman is never wrong and her version of events has the truth of Holy Writ, that's why reading posts is such fun!
year5teacher · 01/01/2021 11:58

@Wows3rs you’re right, anyone in an unhappy relationship must not complain or it’s “entitled” because you, someone they have never met, couldn’t see your fiancé for new year. That makes total sense.

Sinful8 · 01/01/2021 12:02

@ElizaLaLa

If he died it would be his own fault.
After being tied up?

No thats manslaughter at best. Its not unlikely a drunk unconcipus person would vomit