Mum threw out my friend's belongings (yes I'm probably BU)

[Lucidas]

Just over six years ago, one of my friends at university asked for a favour: she was in the final stages of her PhD writeup, but had to return to her home country for six months, before returning to submit her thesis and have her viva. She asked if she could leave two medium-sized bags with me for the time being (full of clothes mainly, but other odd bits of crockery). I accepted - it was only to be a few months, and we were in a flat at the time that was had a lot of extra storage so it wasn't a burden. She was a decent friend - not massively close, but still. She also left about 7 or 8 other bags with another girl at university (I know because I dropped her off to the girl's house and helped moved the stuff).

A few months on and our tenancy wasn't renewed, and we had to move to a tiny flat with no space. I asked my mum if I could keep the bags in her double garage conversion, where she has stored all kinds of stuff from years ago - children's clothes, random things picked up from charity ships, and whatnot. Not to say that I took her agreement lightly, but she can easily go a year without stepping in there, so I didn't think it would be a massive burden. (Although, she when she does step foot inside, she likes to do lots of rearranging and tidying...) She reluctantly agreed.

In the meantime, nothing from my friend. Had messaged her once on fb but no reply. Two years after she'd deposited the stuff, I messaged again telling her to please find a way of collecting it asap as it was taking up a fair bit of room. She said her father had been diagnosed with a terminal illness, that it had thrown he PhD r submission plans awry..that if I had no other way, please not to get rid of the stuff but she could arrange storage for them. But asking me to hold on a little longer. So I passed on this story to my mum and she sighed, but said fine.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, my mum re-entered the garage this summer after a two year long hiatus and chucked everything out. Opened the bags, took all the clothes to rags recycling, and said it was my fault for not being decisive enough and taking action. Which I guess it is. I still wish she'd told me though just beforehand.

AIBU? (yes for being a weakling) Do you think 'friend' will ever get in touch to salvage her old clothing?

Six years is ridiculous. I'm with your mother. Except that I would have done it sooner.

@MereDintofPandiculation

Maybe you wouldn't be unreasonable for throwing stuff out after this length of time, but I don't think it's reasonable for you mother to dispose of it unless she'd given you a firm deadline. She's annoyed at you, but it's not your stuff she's throwing out, it's someone else's.

I think I agree with this. You should have emailed her and said your mother no longer had room, was going to dispose of it on x date unless you heard from her with an address to post it to by y date (at her pre-paid expense, of course).

Its been six years!

When did you last have a conversation with your friend

Reckon your friend has forgotten about the bin bags in question

I think you're / mum are in the clear because of the theory that if you haven't worn something for a year then throw it away or give it to charity...

It honestly wouldn't cross my mind to think my mother had been unreasonable if this was me.

It's beyond ridiculous to scatter your clothes and plates to the four winds for six years.

Six years of free storage for a couple of bags of old clothes and crockery for someone who is not an especially close friend of your offspring?

Your mother is a bloody saint!!!!!

YABVVVU

I admire your mums patience, I’d have chucked it out after 6 months!

I’d have given her another chance, no way I would have got rid of her stuff like this.

Really, your mum should have given you the bags and made it your problem, as you were taking the piss to expect her to store stuff for your friend for years. I mean, you were completely unmotivated to do anything about it because it wasn't bothering you.

So shame she didn't just dump it on you and then you'd have had to do something about it, but oh well.

I'm sure especially after 6 years, if those items meant something she would have arranged a collection. Those items didn't mean that much to her, she just thought free storage at least I don't have to re buy if I ever come back to the UK. Your mum is right, people are saying she should have told you but she told you for 6 years!

Just fill a bin bag with old stuff and hand it over if she ever asks.

Did your mum even remember what the stuff was.

She can't be that attached to it if she's left it for six years.

I'm really surprised so many people are being callous about this young woman whose life seems to be in turmoil. I would never throw away someone else's stuff without giving them a deadline for taking it away. Can't see anyway why it was so hard for your mum to keep a couple of bags in a double garage.

I've stored other people's stuff for years and friends have done the same for me. I must be lucky to know such good people!

Pisstaker. Your mum was nbu.

I can't quite work out the timeline, but either two or four years ago your friend asked you to hold on "a little longer" whilst she arranged storage. She could have hired a storage place extremely easily, and by no stretch of the imagination could you interpret "a little longer" as more than six months at most. You've given your friend every opportunity to sort this out, and frankly it sounds highly unlikely that you'll ever hear from her again about this or anything else.

Why should OP's mum have to store it endlessly?

OP should have collected it and stored it herself, or taken up her friend's offer to arrange storage, when her mum initially complained about still storing it.

Op's mum didn't even want to store it in the first place.

Well, laws vary from place to place, but after six years with almost no communication, I can't think of any place where that would not be considered abandonment. Your mum is fully justified in dumping them, regardless of the circumstances. A reasonable person who valued the contents would have been in regular contact about them.

I'm 100% with your mum on this

Your friend doesn't care about her stuff if she's been happy to leave it for years.

Your mother has been more patient than most people.

@StanfordPines

Did your mum even remember what the stuff was.

She went through it all meticulously, said all the clothing was old and very worn and not even fit for a charity shop. Hence she got rid. She ended up keeping a saucepan which remains in the garage (with a box of other kitchen stuff she’s picked up from here and there).

@thinkingaboutLangCleg

I'm really surprised so many people are being callous about this young woman whose life seems to be in turmoil. I would never throw away someone else's stuff without giving them a deadline for taking it away. Can't see anyway why it was so hard for your mum to keep a couple of bags in a double garage.

I've stored other people's stuff for years and friends have done the same for me. I must be lucky to know such good people!

How do you work out that her life is in turmoil? All the information you have about her personal circumstances is that she doesn't seem to have come back to complete the PhD she abandoned 6 years ago, and around 4 years ago her father was terminally ill. For all you know everything's settled down and she's not chasing up her belongings because she's virtually forgotten about them.

Well there's nothing you can do anyway, it's out of your hands. So no need to feel bad, if you do.

SIX YEARS?!
Yeah, with your mum on this one, if she'd had wanted them back before you'd have thought shed have said something!

Unless the clothes were Chanel originals in mint condition then I think your mum had every right to get rid of them. The friend has been taking the pee for far too long.