Screaming 1yo - losing my mind

[Aneley]

Hi,

Our DD just had her first birthday 2w ago and about a month ago she started with these very loud screams. She babbles and is completely healthy, developmentally perfectly fine... its just that whenever she's bored or wants attention (which is literally all the time) she will scream. There are no tears, she will even smile at us while screaming. DH and I both work from home and it's starting to take serious toll on our nerves, we're at wits end as to what we can do. We tried distraction, conversation, 'No', even brief time-outs in her playpen but to no avail. The only times she's not screaming is if we're 100% engaged with her or she's roaming around freely but that's not possible when we both have meetings, for example. We don't have any childcare options due to covid and no respite for weeks now.

We will try to organize our working hours differently so that she has one parent 100% focused on her at all times but is there anything else we can do? I'm very concerned about neighbours (we live in an apartment and are alone on our floor, nobody complained - yet, but it must be horrible for them too).

I don’t think “time out” works for a 1 year old 😂😂

As we discovered. Is there anything that does work???

She’s 12 months old. Unfortunately wfh without childcare is not going to be feasible any longer as you are discovering. If Covid was not an issue what had been your plans for returning to work ?

I've been working since she was 4m old. My mum/MIL were supposed to step in (offered, not asked) and then she was to go to a nursery from 2yo but it is not possible at the moment due to Covid situation.

Is this screaming normal? We can make arrangements (and we will) to work around her - my job is a bit more demanding but DH can split his working hours to do early mornings and late evenings at work and spend my working hours with her and I'll be 100% with her when he's working.

Yes screaming is normal. Mine screamed lots !

@nimbuscloud, thank you -- I'm literally in tears writing this. I feel like the worst mother in the world.

If she's screaming for attention and she's getting it (even No or time out) then her tactic is working.
I'd completely ignore it but give her plenty of interaction when she's babbling 'nicely' etc so she learns what noises get a response

What is she left doing when she screams? Know not everyone’s ideal solution but have you tried Mr tumble?

Sadly you’ll have to work around her - I couldn’t imagine me and DH having simultaneous meetings when the DCs were that age - one of us would always be on duty.

It’s hard, but that’s the deal when they’re 12 months. I’d want to supervise them anyway at that age and be available in case anything went wrong?

@winterbabythistime, we tried ignoring but gave up every time out of fear that neighbours will complain - she can outlast us with screaming.

How long can this last? When do they grow out of it?

Oh this takes me back. I took my son to a specialist, was convinced something was wrong. He used to shriek, high pitched for no reason. Thought it was hilarious! My neighbours would bang on the wall, I have severe anxiety and had a breakdown not feeling comfortable at home. The only, and I mean only thing that works? Ignore her. Let her scream (if it's attention and not upset of course). My ds used to find it hilarious when he did it. Eventually after we ignored it, he stopped and got bored. Never did it again. Might take a few weeks; but once she learns you won't react she'll get bored. Good luck op

I wouldn't worry about the neighbours as long as it's not the middle of the night. Cracking this becoming a long term habit is beneficial to everyone. I think it takes 2 weeks to change anything with kids. Persevere with it for 2 weeks and she'll most likely stop.

She's still a baby. Unfortunately it's just a case of waiting for phases to come and go. You can't time out a baby. They won't understand the concept anyway.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers - she is usually in her playpen with her toys, with my DH at the desk right next to her.

@Iggly she is never ever alone. One of us is always with her. Just not always 100% focused on interaction with her.

This is a completely normal but extremely annoying stage of development. I would agree with PP and completely ignore any screaming for attention and gives loads of interaction when not screaming. I appreciate this is not easy when trying to WFH but tbh 1 year olds aren't really compatible with it anyway.

Ps - I popped a letter and a bottle of wine to my neighbours, explained the situation and we are very amicable since. I know the fear - but seriously, let her scream it out. Trust me.
As for time,
I'm sorry to say it was 14 months before my son stopped. Not of age, 14 months of screaming. After we ignored him, it was about 3 weeks until he gave up and tried babbling and using words

@princessjasmineofagrabah this is literally what she does. She literally laughs and screams at the same time!

@winterbabythistime she sleeps through the night and is otherwise (was!) a super-easy baby... which is probably why we're struggling now. She is also our first and no other babies near us.

Yes it can be normal, sounds like a crap situation for you both and for your little one though. Is childcare not open?

@princessjasmineofagrabah - that is a good idea - I'll prepare little baskets for neighbours. We're very good with everyone in the building and were a super quiet family until one month ago.

I think you need to find some paid childcare for when you're both working, unless you can split it like you say with your husband so she always has someone with her. That sounds hard work though for both of you and little chance of any down time for you both. She needs attention and stimulation while she's awake as she's getting older and not a baby anymore.

@Backbee, not where we are - we're out of UK at the moment, in my home country in the Balkans and everything is shut down.

You need to take a deep breath and calm down. This is a very normal, very common stage. She is discovering her voice and how to use it. It will soon pass.

@pipnchops that is 100% what we will do as soon as it is possible - but the situation with the virus here is pretty grave and nothing is working/not even nanny agencies.

Not mine but my sisters 1 year old (13 months to be exact!) does this. She is a wonderful baby but shouting is how she communicates! It's not an upset or distressed thing. So I do think it is normal. But it does stress them out so I understand.

[quote Aneley]@princessjasmineofagrabah - that is a good idea - I'll prepare little baskets for neighbours. We're very good with everyone in the building and were a super quiet family until one month ago.[/quote]
Honestly I feel your pain.
I literally just completely ignored and only responded once he stopped!
She screams - blank Face no engagement.
Babbles or other communication - praise, interaction.
It's a very testing phase but it doesn't last forever.