Screaming 1yo - losing my mind

[Aneley]

Hi,

Our DD just had her first birthday 2w ago and about a month ago she started with these very loud screams. She babbles and is completely healthy, developmentally perfectly fine... its just that whenever she's bored or wants attention (which is literally all the time) she will scream. There are no tears, she will even smile at us while screaming. DH and I both work from home and it's starting to take serious toll on our nerves, we're at wits end as to what we can do. We tried distraction, conversation, 'No', even brief time-outs in her playpen but to no avail. The only times she's not screaming is if we're 100% engaged with her or she's roaming around freely but that's not possible when we both have meetings, for example. We don't have any childcare options due to covid and no respite for weeks now.

We will try to organize our working hours differently so that she has one parent 100% focused on her at all times but is there anything else we can do? I'm very concerned about neighbours (we live in an apartment and are alone on our floor, nobody complained - yet, but it must be horrible for them too).

You literally already ignore her. You’ve admitted that. So ignore her more? No.

Do as you said first, work around each otherms schedule and make sure she is getting the attention she deserves as a baby. You are putting your jobs above her and I think you know that. If you are able to work around each other so she always has somebody interacting with her then you really should.

Poor baby.

@Generalblah I think that may be a little unfair or do you think all parents of 1y shouldn't be working right now? I don't know about others but most companies I worked for don't really care if you have a baby at home or not, if you don't perform - you're out. We do still have to put roof over her head and food on her plate.

I said we tried putting her in the playpen a few times but that didn't work - because we do find screaming heartbreaking and pick her up quickly. The problem is - she won't stop. Sometimes she'll scream while we play with her and she'll be laughing while doing it.

Oh gosh. Mine did this. I used to say to people "she does this weird shriek" and they'd laugh and say oh, mine too or whatever and then she'd do it and then they'd look really shocked.

We found kind of ignoring it - not her, but acting as if it wasn't happening - helped a bit but really we mostly had to wait till she stopped doing it... about three months if I remember rightly (my heart nearly stopped when I saw the PP
above say 14 months - poor poor thing!). It was really hard, you have all my sympathy.

Just want you to know that you sound like a loving,caring Mom and so does your hubby! Your baby sounds completely normal-she's learning to communicate and soon it'll be words she's saying. This pandemic sucks and I can't imagine being restricted to home/garden when she could be out and about in nursery. Hang in there-they're tiny for such a short time!

I'm afraid I think I've missed the reason why you can't access childcare. That's how parents are both able to work. I know your free childcare fell through but why can't you pay for childcare, I'm missing something I think. But anyway, if you and your partner can work around it and take it in turns to be there for your child then great, do that. The screaming really shouldn't be a problem, she's found a new sound she's using to get your attention when it's diverted elsewhere, it won't last for long, she'll find a new noise to try out next week.

Thank you! It means a lot to know we're not alone in finding this hard.

@pipnchops we'd happily pay for childcare (in fact that was the plan until both grandmothers offered) but we're out of UK at the moment and where we are everything is shut down due to virus - I wasn't even able to find a single working nanny agency. We're fortunate in that DH's job does give us some flexibility and he'll be able to split his working hours into two blocks to wrap around mine so that we can weather this. My post was just to ask if there is anything that we could do about screaming (in addition to changing work patterns) as we're both concerned about neighbours complaining.

Mine did this, was incredibly loud and annoying. He perfected it for when in his pram in shops... (remember him making some other customers jump out of their skin once)

Thankfully it was just a phase and gradually eased off as he became able to talk and communicate in other ways. I don’t miss it...

@Aneley Have you thought about teaching her some sign language? DS is 13 months and also shrieks to communicate, but he knows a few basic signs (milk, food, help, more / again, wait etc). Sometimes he needs a prompt ("Please say it nicely with your signs"), and sometimes he wants something that he doesn't know the sign for so he still just shrieks, but it's helped a little. I've also heard of people printing out photo cards of their child's favourite toys, foods etc and putting them somewhere accessible (they need to be facing outwards, e.g. stuck on the fridge, not in a stack) and you can teach the child to get the card that shows the thing they want.
We don't ignore DS when he shrieks but sometimes if I'm in the middle of something and he's just shrieking because he wants to play I say e.g. "(name) I hear you. I'm washing up right now and I can't play with you. You can play with your blocks in the dining room, or you can have this wooden spoon and pot to bang in here with me". This sometimes buys me 5 minutes (max). We keep his toys and books on a low shelf so that he can get them out himself - we just keep the 5 or 6 things he's currently interested in on the shelf, and swap them out every couple weeks as he gets bored.
I imagine it's incredibly frustrating to have thoughts and needs and emotions but no way to coherently express them. I'm hoping it passes! 😅

@MaryMashedThem we have started teaching her sign language. She knows more/no more, help and food for now. We also rotate toys and books and let her pick what she wants to play with. However, we haven't tried cards - that may be the way forward! Thank you!

Is it possible that we have made it more frustrating and confusing for her by raising her bilingual?

@nimbuscloud, thank you -- I'm literally in tears writing this. I feel like the worst mother in the world.

You’re not! You are just in a difficult situation trying to look after a 1 year old while you’re both trying to work from home. Of course she wants attention. Not sure about the rules in various tiers, but are there no childcare options?

I wouldn’t worry about the neighbours; I have lived next door to people with babies, as I do currently, and have never heard any crying. If they are getting disturbed, it’s an insulation problem.

Oh yes, screaming is totally normal - she’s finding her voice as others have said, and seeing what sounds she can make. She has no idea it’s socially unacceptable, and it is probably a step for her developing language, so ignoring it won’t really work.

My son did this too, and he was so loud, used to scream into my ears as well. He screamed less and less as his language developed. So I would suggest just work on her language skills, keep talking to her normally and she will stop, eventually. Until then, sounds like your plan to change work hours will be good - to be honest I’m surprised you’ve got this far being able to work and have an awake baby in the same room!!
Be kind to yourself, you’re doing a great job and juggling work and parenting is hard.