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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Screaming 1yo - losing my mind

61 replies

Aneley · 30/12/2020 16:37

Hi,

Our DD just had her first birthday 2w ago and about a month ago she started with these very loud screams. She babbles and is completely healthy, developmentally perfectly fine... its just that whenever she's bored or wants attention (which is literally all the time) she will scream. There are no tears, she will even smile at us while screaming. DH and I both work from home and it's starting to take serious toll on our nerves, we're at wits end as to what we can do. We tried distraction, conversation, 'No', even brief time-outs in her playpen but to no avail. The only times she's not screaming is if we're 100% engaged with her or she's roaming around freely but that's not possible when we both have meetings, for example. We don't have any childcare options due to covid and no respite for weeks now.

We will try to organize our working hours differently so that she has one parent 100% focused on her at all times but is there anything else we can do? I'm very concerned about neighbours (we live in an apartment and are alone on our floor, nobody complained - yet, but it must be horrible for them too).

OP posts:

Suzi888 · 30/12/2020 17:04

A jumperoo? I forget from what age you can use one though.

winterbabythistime · 30/12/2020 17:09

It is a tricky age. They need constant entertainment, very hard when you're working too x

Lookslikerainted · 30/12/2020 17:19

It’s probably teeth. My baby of similar age has been whining for months. Months.

81Byerley · 30/12/2020 17:22

It's a normal part of development. Babies discover they can make this lovely noise....and it gets a reaction!

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 30/12/2020 17:46

Clever girl screams for attention and you give her it. Ignore the screams.

nimbuscloud · 30/12/2020 17:48

Clever girl screams for attention and you give her it. Ignore the screams.

She is a baby. Not a preschooler. How else is she meant to communicate??

Original poster

Aneley · 30/12/2020 17:51

@Suzi888 - I'll look into that, too - thanks!

@Lookslikerainted - I thought so too at first but its been almost a month now and zero new teeth. She's also not whinny - she screams very loudly but either smiling or angry - not sad, scared, in pain, discomfort.

Looks like the majority agrees that ignoring it may be the way forward. I'll prepare some gift baskets for the neighbours, then and brace myself for it.

OP posts:

pipnchops · 30/12/2020 18:10

I'm afraid I don't agree with posters saying to ignore her screaming. In fact it makes me really sad to read that. Yes maybe she's trying a new sound out and it's annoying but she's also trying to tell you something in the only way she knows how and the screaming gets her a response, whether negative or positive, she'll take it.

I appreciate you're in a difficult situation and I don't intend to make you feel awful, but is it really fair to ignore your child while you work? Even giving in to a bit of screen time, some nursery rhymes, a video of someone reading a book, would be better than just ignoring your child while you work. Have a few messy play activities like some cooked spaghetti to play with, some crayons to scribble with, that'll buy you a few minutes. At that age they have very short attention spans.

I was literally run off my feet looking after mine and keeping them entertained at that age. A jumperoo bought me enough time to cook or wash up after a meal, if I was lucky. I have no idea how I could have attempted to get any work done.

Osirus · 30/12/2020 18:16

I can’t believe you have “time out” to a baby! A baby!

Screaming for attention is normal in babies. And toddlers. It’s pretty much the first way they communicate.

Osirus · 30/12/2020 18:16

*gave, not have.

Osirus · 30/12/2020 18:16

Absolutely do not ignore her screaming. This is not Victorian times.

Osirus · 30/12/2020 18:19

Crikey, I’ve just seen you’re going to ignore her 🤦‍♀️

OP, it’s normal - and she’ll grow out of it once she starts imaginative play. There’s nothing you can do apart from go through it. She’ll think you’ve abandoned her if you ignore her. She’ll either scream harder or your bond could potentially be affected.

Please don’t ignore your 1 year old!! Unbelievable.

tuttifritti · 30/12/2020 18:21

My oldest did this. Whenever she screamed I would say 'outdoor voice! Let's go outside!' and take her in the garden and let her scream (it was winter). When she stopped we would go back in. It wasn't a punishment, i would act happy and enthusiastic about her screaming. She soon stopped doing it. I don't know if it was the strategy but seemed to do the trick. Good luck!

RoganJosh · 30/12/2020 18:25

Quite normal for babies to be a PITA and for you not to be able to work while looking after one. I’m presuming your employers are expecting a whole day?

Can you do shifts with your OH? So one of you works very early morning, the other in the evening and try and split the day? Cut your hours down at all? Have an hour or two of tv?

Squirrelbadge · 30/12/2020 18:26

Are you getting out the house with her much? I have a 15 month old son and have had to isolate with him twice in the last couple of months. After a few days, the screaming starts which seems to be out of frustration and boredom. As soon as we are back to leaving the house several times a day, he's absolutely fine.

BrightonForWine · 30/12/2020 18:28

My first born did this!
I genuinely bought eat plugs, it hurt my ears!

Thankfully child 2 and 3 didn't!

BrightonForWine · 30/12/2020 18:29

@tuttifritti

That would have made mine scream more!

He would be outside constantly if he could, come rain or shine!

pipnchops · 30/12/2020 18:32

Just reading your first post again the bit where you say "she screams whenever she's bored or wants attention (which is literally all the time)" sticks out to me. It's as if you expect a one year old to be able to happily entertain themselves which is an unrealistic expectation of a toddler. This is a tiny human being who relies on you and your DH for everything. As they get a bit older they start to be able to amuse themselves for longer periods of time but you're a couple of years off that stage I'm afraid.

Moonsbury · 30/12/2020 18:34

Make sure she's safe- walk away- ignore it. And tune out for 5 mins.
It's attention seeking and enjoying the amazing noise she can make. She'll get bored soon.

Chuzzle · 30/12/2020 18:35

Please don't ignore her. She is a BABY. This is what babies do. She's not manipulating you. She needs to know you'll be there for her whatever, and by ignoring her when she's screaming you're telling her you won't. If it isn't working with you both WFH and trying to look after her at the same time, why not try what a PP has suggested and stagger your working times or find an alternative form of childcare.
I know it's hard. It's heartbreaking to hear the screaming. But please cuddle her and give her some attention and interact with her. You're not the worst mother in the world - you're the best. Chin up.

winterbabythistime · 30/12/2020 18:38

@Chuzzle what op has described is not a baby crying which obviously shouldn't be ignored. It's a toddler experimenting with a high pitched screaming noise to get a reaction. She can gently be taught that those noises don't get attention and she gets plenty of attention for anything else

Lookslikerainted · 30/12/2020 19:25

Also i me at to say, I sympathise. I’m struggling with my 1 year old always crying for me. It’s just a phase I think, separation anxiety, teeth, lockdown, it’s hard for them.

mistermagpie · 30/12/2020 19:35

It's really normal. My kids are 5, 3 and 1 and they have all done it (the one year old still does). You certainly aren't doing anything wrong, this is how she learns to communicate and she's doing a great job because she gets your attention.

Maybe I'm just more used to it but I don't massively pay attention to my daughter doing it, she screeches away and other than occasionally screeching back at her, which she LOVES, I just ignore it. It's quite a short lived phase and when they start to talk more it tends to disappear.

I certainly wouldn't punish her for it, that's completely the wrong response - the screeching is part of how she will learn to use her vocal cords to talk, she's not doing it to annoy you.

Original poster

Aneley · 30/12/2020 19:50

We would never punish our baby girl. By 'time out' I meant that few times we tried putting her in her playpen when she does that instead of engaging immediately with her.

In a perfect situation we'd either be able to give her 100% attention or get a nanny who would do that - but we both do work, there is no childcare available where we are and it is not always possible to be completely focused on her. I can't get part time and neither can DH. The only option would be for him to quit his job completely (I'm the higher earner) or to work shifts as I wrote earlier - which we can and will do.

That being said - she is always with one of us, always. But she will smile and scream at the same time ear piercingly strong if you just look away or try to do anything other than play/talk to her. She is a happy and very much loved baby and she barely ever cries - it is just this new screaming thing that we're struggling with.

If ignoring her is not the way - is there anything we can do that won't put our jobs on the line - to help her and ourselves through this phase?

OP posts:

Original poster

Aneley · 30/12/2020 19:54

@Squirrelbadge - we go out for walks every morning before work and during lunch breaks for an hour.

@pipnchops I don't expect her to entertain herself for hours, but at the moment she screams if you even look away from her.

OP posts:

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