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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Earthquake - asking for a hand hold

79 replies

kavalkada · 30/12/2020 08:34

That's it, actually. I don't live in UK, but in Croatia, but I love UK and Mumsnet and all wonderful people that are here. We've been hit with terrible earthquake nine months ago, and just when I thought things are going back to normal, we were hit again, this time more devastating then before. And on my wedding anniversary. My family is fine, our home is fine, but I'm a nervous wreck last three days. I cry all the time, shake at the smallest sound, can't sleep... This morning I woke up two minutes before three new earthquakes.

So I need a hand hold, nice kind words, happy thoughts, your prayers and good wishes. Lovely things that have happened to you in the last few days. Jokes. Everything that is sweet and lovely because at the moment I can't be a good mother to my children. I go to my room to cry so they do not see me, and they are all right. My husband is here and he has been amazing but I can't stop shaking thinking on another that will come.

If there is somebody who lived through earthquake and can help with advice how to deal with it, I'll be grateful.

I'm not sure I'll be able to answer you, but be sure I'll read everything.

Thank you.

OP posts:

TheSilentStars · 30/12/2020 08:36

Oh bless you.
I'm in Italy (Adriatic coast) so of course we've heard a lot on the news since yesterday.
Stay safe.

DownUdderer · 30/12/2020 08:39

Stay safe. X

winterbabythistime · 30/12/2020 08:39

Oh I'm so sorry. You must have been scared, I know I would have been.
I'd love to visit Croatia, tell me where would be the nicest places to go?
How old are your children?
I have 2 boys - a 4 year old and a 3.5 week old baby.

Original poster

kavalkada · 30/12/2020 08:44

@winterbabythistime

Oh I'm so sorry. You must have been scared, I know I would have been. I'd love to visit Croatia, tell me where would be the nicest places to go? How old are your children? I have 2 boys - a 4 year old and a 3.5 week old baby.

I have a six year old boy and a girl who will be two next year in april.

Croatia is lovely, when we do not have earthquakes.

Zagreb, Zadar, Trogir, Dubrovnik, islands, Istria, Podravina, Gorski kotar and Like, they are all wonderful and different.

I cry while I write this. I'm such a mess and my whole body is shaking. My husband has been cleaning and cooking and doing everything with kids for the past three days because I'm not able to do anything.

OP posts:

Minimamame · 30/12/2020 08:46

Sending you lots of hugs and best wishes. I hope to visit Croatia some day. I have heard it’s beautiful. My cousin was married there a few years ago. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Xxx

Random63638 · 30/12/2020 08:47

I've been in a few big earthquakes and aftershocks as part of my job, and I'd say it's very normal to feel how you do. Sometimes you feel bad straight away, other people might take longer for it to sink in, so don't be hard on yourself. Earthquakes are terrifying, being completely out of your control. What you can do is have a plan for if it happens again, and drill so you and your family know what to do. Also, check your home and see if you can make small changes than would lessen the damage if you were unlucky enough to experience another, so making sure shelves are fixed to walls, that glassware is stored away and pictures are not mounted above your bed. These are all small things but taking practical small steps will help you gain back some feeling of control. Hold on to the fact that you are ok, because that is important. Take it slowly and you will come through it.

No jokes sorry! I'm sure other people will be along to help with that side of things.

Toocold · 30/12/2020 08:49

Thinking of you 💐

Ginfordinner · 30/12/2020 08:52

How awful. I hope you are safe and warm

We experienced an earthquake when on holiday in California several years ago. I have never been so scared in my life.

doodlejump1980 · 30/12/2020 08:54

What’s the weather like today? Are you currently under covid restrictions? Can you get out for a walk in an open space?
I saw it on the news yesterday, and my thoughts go to everyone in Croatia. I just can’t comprehend how quickly the devastation occurred. Are you far from where it hit? 2021 can only get better!

Thisisworsethananticpated · 30/12/2020 08:55

It sounds like you are in a deep shock and trauma OP
I’m so sorry 😢
Hope you can mentally heal slowly and surely xxxx

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 30/12/2020 08:58

it’s ok to be in shock. It’s hard but you need to find a way of separating your world into things you can control and things you can’t.
You can’t control earthquakes and worrying about them doesn’t change the risk but it does stop you enjoying the day to day good things.
Try to focus on the small positive things around you. Your children playing, birds singing, a flower or a nice meal.
Give yourself time and recognise that every time you manage to cope and do something normal no matter how scared you feel; it is a victory and you should be proud of yourself.

NoHunGosh · 30/12/2020 08:59

O you poor thing. I felt yesterday's pretty strongly (live over in Italy not v far from Trieste) and Monday's one too. My husband who clearly remembers the 1976 earthquakes in Friuli was v freaked out. He says that you just learn to live with the fear. As a previous poster suggested, take practical steps so that you have a clear plan of what you need to do the next time around but I really hope things quieten down now.

Original poster

kavalkada · 30/12/2020 09:00

It's raining at the moment, not much but still. But I'm too scared to go outside even if we had a lovely weather.

I'm in Zagreb, some 45 km from epicenter from earthquake. Every time you sit, you can feel the earth shaking.

My building where I live is really strong, it is designed to be fine after earthquake 8 on the Richter scale, but it doesn't help much. And everything in my flat is fixed to the wall, but still.

OP posts:

dottiedaisee · 30/12/2020 09:05

Oh bless you ...Croatia is absolutely stunning.We had a fantastic holiday staying on Brach .Please try and do some fun activities with your children ie jigsaw , bake a cake ....these will distract you and the children.Sending you lots of hugs 💕💐💕

squashyhat · 30/12/2020 09:09

Sorry to hear you are suffering but you have every right to be. The only earthquake I have experienced (a very small one in Argentina) I slept right through! Try and focus on the now - you and your family are safe. Are there health services you can access to help with your fears?

Original poster

kavalkada · 30/12/2020 09:12

@dottiedaisee

I wish, I wish I could do something, but I really can't.

I hope I'll be better in next few days, but that depends of future earthquakes. And there'll be many in the weeks and moths to come, hopefully smaller.

OP posts:

Hollybutnoivy · 30/12/2020 09:14

Thinking of you OP. I'm in Italy too and a few years ago we had an earthquake swarm and it was awful, no damage to our house but weeks of being on tenterhooks and thinking of nothing else but waiting for the next one. I really feel for you.

SherryPalmer · 30/12/2020 09:14

I don’t want to armchair diagnose but your feelings reminded me a lot of how I felt after living through a “disaster” situation. I was diagnosed with PTSD and anti-depressants and some counselling helped a lot. I’m only saying this because I wish I’d sought help earlier.

DartmoorDoughnut · 30/12/2020 09:15

Hope things get better I’m afraid I avoid the news so had no idea your country had had earthquakes but if it helps distract you at all I was in absolute love with a Croatian man when I was about 14/15 on a riding holiday in west Wales, he was working there over the summer and was absolutely beautiful, he found and gave me a four leaf clover and was very kind to my completely annoying teenage self!

Original poster

kavalkada · 30/12/2020 09:19

@DartmoorDoughnut

Hope things get better

I’m afraid I avoid the news so had no idea your country had had earthquakes but if it helps distract you at all I was in absolute love with a Croatian man when I was about 14/15 on a riding holiday in west Wales, he was working there over the summer and was absolutely beautiful, he found and gave me a four leaf clover and was very kind to my completely annoying teenage self!

Thanks for that. I needed to read something nice.

The earth doesn't stop shaking here, it seems like we have a small one every minute or two.

After the last earthquake in march, it took me two weeks to gather courage to shower. I was so afraid. I hope this time I'll be better.

Kids are in the next room, smiling and happy.

OP posts:

zzizz · 30/12/2020 09:26

Thats awful, thinking of you all OP. Keep taking it one minute at a time.

Have you tried breathing or grounding exercises before? Sometimes when I'm been very anxious they've helped me get through the next few minutes a bit better (not that I've been through anything like an earthquake mind you)

ThatDamnedDog · 30/12/2020 09:28

Unmumsnetty hugs to you.
Be kind to yourself, you have been through a traumatic experience so your feelings are perfectly valid. It sounds like your husband is keeping the ship sailing at the minute, so do as much (or as little) as you feel able.
Sending you hope and a hand to hold

Dontjudgeme101 · 30/12/2020 09:33

Thinking of you and your family.

Wrongsideofhistorymyarse · 30/12/2020 09:36

sending you love and strength.

Fressia123 · 30/12/2020 09:37

I've been through quite a few. In Mexico they're part of every day life. I know they're terrifying though. The last big one was devastating. I saw my best friend's building collapse on live TV . I took the first plane back home.

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