Earthquake - asking for a hand hold

[kavalkada]

That's it, actually. I don't live in UK, but in Croatia, but I love UK and Mumsnet and all wonderful people that are here. We've been hit with terrible earthquake nine months ago, and just when I thought things are going back to normal, we were hit again, this time more devastating then before. And on my wedding anniversary. My family is fine, our home is fine, but I'm a nervous wreck last three days. I cry all the time, shake at the smallest sound, can't sleep... This morning I woke up two minutes before three new earthquakes.

So I need a hand hold, nice kind words, happy thoughts, your prayers and good wishes. Lovely things that have happened to you in the last few days. Jokes. Everything that is sweet and lovely because at the moment I can't be a good mother to my children. I go to my room to cry so they do not see me, and they are all right. My husband is here and he has been amazing but I can't stop shaking thinking on another that will come.

If there is somebody who lived through earthquake and can help with advice how to deal with it, I'll be grateful.

I'm not sure I'll be able to answer you, but be sure I'll read everything.

Thank you.

Well done for reaching out. Adding isolation into the mix as well would be worse.

Sending your body and mind feelings of safety and calm.

If you feel inclined to find out more about a way to help deal with these feelings I would recommend Gabor Maté and David Beceli's ?spellings? work on compassionate inquiry and trauma release exercises, TRE.

Good luck.

Once again thank you for all your kind words. I did some things with my children, but not enough. I have been shaking under the blanket since morning.

I'm another Kiwi from Cantab', and I know how you feel.

All I can say is yes, these are scary, your feelings and reactions are normal, and I know that right now it feels like forever.

For me and my kids, I found that rescue remedy helped, eat if you can, and eat what you can, drink lots of water.

For keeping the kids calm, we played 'guess the magnitude' for each quake, and the winner got a lolly. We all got really good at guessing the magnitude.

What we found to be fairly tried and true for keeping ourselves as safe as we could, was 'stop, drop, and cover'. So basically, get under what is closest to hand and hold the hell on. If there's a table, get under it, and, very important point, hold onto the legs, because in a really good judder, if you don't, you're going to be staying still, and the table is going to be buggering off. Now is a good time to 'fix, fasten and forget', make sure shelves etc are fixed to the walls, blue tak down ornaments, or better yet, put them away for a while. (Some somewhat suspicious breakages occurred in Christchurch - a wife's much loved Lladro figurines, equally loathed by her husband, for example .

People will say, 'you must stay calm for the children'. Please, do stay as calm as you can for the children, they look to you, to see how worried you are. However, you are human. Sometimes you will react in a way, that later you beat yourself up for. It's okay to be human, try to go away to have a wee meltdown periodicially.

If you can get fresh air and exercise, every day, that helps, as does keeping to your routine.

Kia kaha. Aroha nui. Keep strong. Much love.

I'm even afraid to go to the bathroom because I want us to be in the same room all the time.

Reckon you could be needing to get a bit of help for what may well be PTSD.

My youngest suffered from it, separation anxiety was a huge symption, we realised we had a wee bit of a problem when she tried to exit a moving car rather than go to the zoo with her godparents.

We had several sessions with a well qualified behavioural psychologist, who taught her (and indirectly all of us), some very useful cognitive behavioural therapy techniques, with which to manage anxiety. If and when you actually utilise these techniques, we have found they really work.

I've just said a prayer for you and your family OP, and will continue praying as often as I can. I hope that's ok.

I went for a long walk this morning, my New Year's resolution is going from an average of 3000, to 10000 steps a day, but my brain only associates "new habit" with Mondays, so I started a few days earlier. If I left it for Monday 4th Jan, I never would've started 🙈

Anyway, there is a beautiful park near my apartment and I spent over an hour there this morning. There were so many birds today, it was -2 degrees but I think they all came out as it was so sunny. The lake in the middle of the park was frozen but the swans were out (they almost never are) and the ducks put on a great show, trying to break through the ice, it was hilarious!

Where in Zagreb do you like going with your children the most? Perhaps you have a favourite park, a restaurant or a friend's place? I'm a grown woman but I still get so excited when I see the ducks getting bread, or some dogs playing with each other, I love animals. What silly things do you and your little ones enjoy doing on a sunny day?

@EileenGC

I've just said a prayer for you and your family OP, and will continue praying as often as I can. I hope that's ok.

I went for a long walk this morning, my New Year's resolution is going from an average of 3000, to 10000 steps a day, but my brain only associates "new habit" with Mondays, so I started a few days earlier. If I left it for Monday 4th Jan, I never would've started 🙈

Anyway, there is a beautiful park near my apartment and I spent over an hour there this morning. There were so many birds today, it was -2 degrees but I think they all came out as it was so sunny. The lake in the middle of the park was frozen but the swans were out (they almost never are) and the ducks put on a great show, trying to break through the ice, it was hilarious!

Where in Zagreb do you like going with your children the most? Perhaps you have a favourite park, a restaurant or a friend's place? I'm a grown woman but I still get so excited when I see the ducks getting bread, or some dogs playing with each other, I love animals. What silly things do you and your little ones enjoy doing on a sunny day?

Thank you for this lovely message. And please, pray, I need all the prays I can get at this very moment.

I live in the ugliest ex communist you can imagine, but it has a lovely park next to it. I go there with my daughter every morning and we play for an hour and after that we walk all around our neighborhood for an hour or two. Unlike her brother she likes the stroller. Buildings are old and ugly, but our neighborhood is beautifully planned, with lot of greenery and small houses and lot of playgrounds for children, lovely little lanes for walking. Every building has a small garden next to it and people really take care of them. I have just looked through the window and I see people walking and that was the first time today I thought I could maybe I could do that.

I used to run early in the morning two or three times a week and then I would sit on a bench and read for a while before returning home. I wonder when will I gather the courage to do that again.

But I made a small step today. I made myself tea, hibiscus tea with lemon and sugar and it was lovely to do something normal.

Thank you for reminding me about beautiful things in life. I needed that.

And I envy you on the lake in the middle of the park. Sounds amazing.

This park with a lake on the picture is about 20 minutes away from my building, and I'll try to gather the courage to go there with my family tomorrow.

The one I felt in Japan tossed me clean out of the bed. Heart lurched sickeningly. It felt like it went on for hours. I’ll never forget it. I remember thinking this was it, I was never going to see my family again.

I really hope you can feel more calm soon.

Ooh that is such a gorgeous park @kavalkada

I understand OP, we had a 7.7 magnitude earthquake here in Cayman in January this year.

I ducked and covered under my desk and remember just praying for my kids. The initial quake was 7.7 went on for about 2 minutes, 2 hours later we had a few 6.7 aftershocks.

I didn't sleep for days, I was absolutely terrified of another stronger one.

We were so lucky that we didn't have any major damage as the quake, although strong, was relatively shallow.

I'm so sorry for you and your country, please do try and get some counseling if you can.
I suffered from earthquake nausea for weeks after and vertigo as well which is common.

Be kind to yourself, an earthquake is terrifying and shakes you to your core. All you can do is breathe.

NC for this as outing.

I was in the 9 magnitude Japan earthquake in 2011. The aftershocks were constant and huge. And I totally understand your need to have everyone in the same room together. Gather together everything you need so you can camp out in one room for a while. Maybe not a portaloo though! Leave the bathroom door open if it helps you.

PTSD is a reality. A quick way to mitigate the effects of that is to play fairly mindless games, eg solitaire, noughts and crosses (tic tac toe). Sounds weird, but it works, to a certain extent. My PTSD didn't kick in until much later on (as in years) but DD had therapy a couple of years later which helped. I also still suffer from something called 'jishin yoi', which sort of translates as earthquake drunkenness. For me, it's a kind of vertigo I get after long car/train/plane journey.

And do get outside. Being outside gives you a different perspective. The people you meet will want to talk. You'll be able to bond with people in a way that only disasters can do. You'll gain so much.

Talk to as many people as you can - each telling, seems to reduce the mental affect.

I know you asked for light, happy, distracting posts, so I apologise for mine. I hope you feel better soon.

Just read your update about the hibiscus tea... I haven't been in an earthquake, though I have studied them and it sounds pretty terrifying.

Should it help, I had an accident and surgery last month and have been physically rather than mentally incapacitated, if that's the right word, and today I've been able to make my first cup of tea!

Some things take time but the thing that helped me the most is accepting help and kindness from others, and taking one achievable step at a time. In your case, can you get PTSD type help, it sounds like it would be useful?

Here's to the power of cups of tea

We stayed in Hotel Istra, Rovinj a few years ago. Most days we’d get a ferry across to the mainland to have a beer, & go to the bakery. The only problem with the bakery was the seagulls waiting outside for you to steal your food. One family dared try to eat openly, the seagulls swooped down, the family ran, screaming & laughing, & ended up more or less on top of each other lying on the grass. So don’t ever try to beat the seagulls, because they will chase you, & they will catch you, & they will eat your food.

When I was visiting my family in NZ there was a quake one night as we lay in bed. My aunt came rushing into the bedroom to see if we were OK, but I was just too tired to even move, although I was aware of what I can only describe as being shook up & down in my bed. On the ferry on the way back to Picton I had a beer & something to eat, I know, I’m such a pig. The Milford Sounds was not the peaceful sunshine trip that we’d experienced on the way there, the sea was absolutely raging. Of course I was sick. I was so sick that I could no longer keep rushing to the toilet, I had to sit with my face in the sick bag due to half a dozen people who sat opposite watching me like I was the entertainment.

You’ll be OK with the love & support from your lovely family

Oh OP you poor thing. I'm so sorry. Please be kind to yourself, we are sending you strength and love across the waters. Here's a photo of our new kitten to cheer you up x

Spot DH having his post work nap

I live on the edge of Dartmoor so here’s a pretty pic for you from the other day

@DartmoorDoughnut

I live on the edge of Dartmoor so here’s a pretty pic for you from the other day

It's beautiful. But where is Sherlock Holmes?

@LowestEbb

Oh OP you poor thing. I'm so sorry. Please be kind to yourself, we are sending you strength and love across the waters. Here's a photo of our new kitten to cheer you up x

Beautiful little kitten. Have a cuddle for me. My baby girl had an afternoon nap, and I was holding her all the time. Usually I use that time to rest or clean around the house, but I don't think that will be the case for the next few days

@FrankskinnerscRoc

We stayed in Hotel Istra, Rovinj a few years ago. Most days we’d get a ferry across to the mainland to have a beer, & go to the bakery. The only problem with the bakery was the seagulls waiting outside for you to steal your food. One family dared try to eat openly, the seagulls swooped down, the family ran, screaming & laughing, & ended up more or less on top of each other lying on the grass. So don’t ever try to beat the seagulls, because they will chase you, & they will catch you, & they will eat your food.

When I was visiting my family in NZ there was a quake one night as we lay in bed. My aunt came rushing into the bedroom to see if we were OK, but I was just too tired to even move, although I was aware of what I can only describe as being shook up & down in my bed. On the ferry on the way back to Picton I had a beer & something to eat, I know, I’m such a pig. The Milford Sounds was not the peaceful sunshine trip that we’d experienced on the way there, the sea was absolutely raging. Of course I was sick. I was so sick that I could no longer keep rushing to the toilet, I had to sit with my face in the sick bag due to half a dozen people who sat opposite watching me like I was the entertainment.

You’ll be OK with the love & support from your lovely family

Thanks for putting a smile on my face.

And thanks to all of you I haven't quoted. I'm sure there are much more people outside struggling with aftermath of earthquake you have helped with your kind words.

The first night after Feb 22, the girls slept in camp beds, under a kauri desk in our bedroom, along with us. There wasn't a lot of sleeping done, and with a couple of aftershocks, we were out of our bed and with them under the desk.

Early days yet. Hang in there. This too shall pass. Thinking of you, and all Croatia.

Luckily that’s the other side of the moor!

Do what you need to do, don't worry at all about chores if you're not up for it xxx

I hope you have a quiet and still night OP.

@mbosnz

I hope you have a quiet and still night OP.

I was awake at 4.30 when another one happened. Not too strong, but enough to wake me. I'm preparing breakfast at this moment, and I have removed all noisy toys. Panicking every time I hear a dog barking. I'll try to go out today with husband and kids. Once again, thanks for support.