Can you call yourself a feminist if you can't do flat-pack furniture? (semi light-hearted)

[thepeopleversuswork]

That's it really.

Lone-parent, completely financially self-sufficient, earn a reasonable salary, manage all my own household finances, keep my house in order, do a (generally) OK job of bringing my DD up and very happy as I am. I've always taken pride in not needing to have a bloke around for everything.

The flaw in my armour is I can't do DIY to save my life, other than most basic stuff: home maintenance/changing plugs and lightbulbs/basic screwdriver work. The idea of DIY simultaneously bores me stupid and terrifies me: if I see an Ikea flatpack assembly manual it brings me out in a cold sweat and even if I apply myself to it I literally cannot grasp what needs to be done. To my shame I end up asking either my boyfriend or a more practically-minded girlfriend to help or paying someone else to do it.

Does this make me a complete sell-out or is it OK to just be shit at some "male" jobs? For a long time I've shrugged it off but now feel vaguely embarrassed that I can't do these basic jobs. Trouble is I have very little spare time and find it so uninteresting I can't bring myself to be arsed.

I love a flat pack, my husband is utterly awful at them (not that he's aware of it), but I'm stuck having to use his "help" because I'm disabled. Drives me mad.

I don't think you should feel bad about not being good at it though, we can't all be good at everything. I wish I was good with cars, I hate knowing that people assume I know nothing because I'm female, and then having to admit they are right about me knowing nothing, but then wanting to prove that it's not because I'm female.

I usually find myself waffling on about how I can build computers/do code/build flat pack furniture/can't cook to prove it - which is clearly a ridiculous thing to do.

Flat pack is similar in skills to a recipe for baking. You have to follow the steps in order.

If you are worried about your dd not being able to do it get her something really simple to put together to build her confidence.

I can't do DIY, I simply don't have the manual dexterity, and I can't understand the instructions when they are pictures. Tell me what to do and I might have some chance of doing it, but even then, eg taking an inner tube out of a tyre, I just can't lever it out (or in).

I did once manage to build a flat pack (toddler) bed on my own, but that is the sum total of my very feeble efforts.

On the plus side, nobody needs satnav with me around - I am good at reading maps, so not completely useless.

Like another poster I can put it together but can't tighten it up as I'm not very strong.

Strength for some tasks can be compensated for by appropriate tools.
DD once had difficulty with a bolt in a uni practical class - the demonstrator grinned and rather than doing it for her handed her the 'women's spanner'. Which was, obviously, just a spanner but longer than the standard one.

OTOH when she and DH did a boat diesel course when she was about 15 the instructor was pleased that there was someone who didn't overtighten everything for a change.

My very male ex-military partner would describe himself as a feminist but can't do flat pack.

Flatpack is not a feminist issue.
I'm not great at it by any means. However, I'm a single parent and do not have a partner so this means that if I can't do it, it doesn't get done. One of the things I realised post divorce a decade ago was that I had learned helplessness in some arenas and would just hand over a spanner with big eyes and move out of the way. Now I wrestle with the fucker till I've done it. Or did, my 15yo dd is amazing at such things, so I leave her to it nowadays...

@Stripesnomore

Sorry, I don’t understand what point you are making. I am talking about an average person in terms of cognitive skills not a person with any kind of additional cognitive challenges.

Just as if someone referred to an average person in terms of lung function I would know they didn’t mean me, an asthmatic.

I mean, it's not really helpful to say dismissively that it's something within the abilities of an 'average' seven year old, because plenty of people are not average and it's not ok to sneer at them. I don't know why you felt the need to bring it up in the first place? We're none of us taking exams in flat-pack-assembly skills. In the adult world, most people compromise and work together, and we don't all have to have the same skills.

Spatial ability or visuo-spatial ability is the term we mean in this discussion.

I am not sneering or being dismissive; you are projecting. It is a lighthearted thread. I am saying for people without cognitive issues it is often a confidence issue and trying to reassure them it is something they could accomplish.

Often people see something like flat pack and think they will need prior experience, a knowledge of tools etc. It is very similar to putting together Lego.

Most things in life aren’t things anyone has to accomplish. I have very poor spatial awareness and can’t drive. But if it is a confidence issue it is good to encourage people to try it out.

Try looking for a youtube video? Then follow it step by step?

I'm not practical or spatial in any way. People have weaknesses. Feminism says that you shouldn't assume a woman can't assemble furniture - but I actually think the idea that you're a failure as a woman because you can't do everything is pretty unfeminist, and has shades of cool-girl in the idea that PROPER women are beautifully made up, cook a mean roast, swig beer, assemble furniture and beat men at arm wrestling.

Feminism is about ensuring women’s rights are defended. It has nothing at all to do with whether you are capable of any particular task.

Ikea flatpack is not a male job!

Dh is beyond shit at diy. I'm quite good at it and a whizz at Ikea flatpack.

You're not a sellout, just a woman with strenghths and weaknesses like any other.

We are talking about a Bjorn coffee table here or Billy bookcase right? The way some people are describing flat pack furniture you would think they are building the Hadron Collider.

There is no such thing as a male job or a female job. That's the only thing you've said which is problematic.
You've said no one in your family is any good at this, so that means your dad can't do it either. If it was a "man's job" then does that mean your dad has failed at being a man? No, it doeant. Because there are no man jobs and women jobs.

I love DIY and flat packs. My hammer drill is my best friend.

You are allowed to find things difficult. Men are allowed to find all bloody manner of things difficult. I hate the ‘strong independent woman who doesn’t need help’ paradigm that gets pushed. Yes, it’s very important to know that you are capable of doing things yourself. But women are allowed to ask for help too, doing so doesn’t mean that you’re retreating into the role of a weak meek woman. Am I a strong and talented person? Yes. Do I carry very heavy things around the house to prove this? No, cos DH is stronger than me and that’s just life

There is no such thing as a male job or a female job. That's the only thing you've said which is problematic.

This. My husband gets frustrated with IKEA stuff so depending on the size of the item pays someone else to do it otherwise I do it by just following the pictures. He prefers words and I prefer pictures or pictures and words. I often refuse to pay someone to do something I can do or think I should at least try myself before outsourcing. When it comes to cleaning though, I have cleaners every fortnight because we have a three floor home with three bathrooms and trying to do that with a 3 yo who fears the vacuum and an almost 6 yo autistic child who we actually have to keep two bathrooms locked from the outside for, it’s easier to outsource.

I love DIY and flat packs. My hammer drill is my best friend.

Me too. I love my electric screwdriver kit.

@Frannyhy

I love DIY and flat packs. My hammer drill is my best friend.

For clarity , i don't think you need a hammer drill for flat pack furniture

We all have things we are better at and things we are not. Hiring someone to do the jobs you can’t or won’t do is an act of positivity. Also, flat packs are notorious for terrible instructions, badly predrilled holes, bits that randomly break, the piece you put on backwards then realise an hour later when another piece won’t fit. requiring you to spend another two hours undoing and then redoing it and general annoyance that is totally unnecessary!

Is it because it's a "mans job" that you cant do it? Sounds like it's just a skill you cant do. Nothing to do with you being a woman.

Dear OP you are overthinking this massively. Feminism doesn’t equal autarky - there is no need to be completely self sufficient, no shame in being rubbish at some things. Besides making up flat pack furniture is hardly a primary life skill like say being able to cook/ feed yourself and family.

I have ADHD and find concentrating enough to do any DIY ( and I'm crap at it), but my DIL is brilliant! I have 2 adult sons who are equally crap, but they're excellent cooks and housekeepers. We all have different strengths!

That's exactly what I've always told myself but other feminists have pulled me up on this saying if I rely on someone else to do this stuff I cant ever be fully self-sufficient.

If self-sufficiency is the criteria for being a feminist then we're all screwed. There is a world of difference between inter-dependence and co-dependence.

I love flat pack and I'm quite good at it but if you want to see my eyes glazed over then you just need to talk cars to me, I drive one perfectly competently but would never attempt anything beyond checking tyre pressure, oil etc, I just find it boring and it doesn't prevent me from being a feminist.