Can you call yourself a feminist if you can't do flat-pack furniture? (semi light-hearted)

[thepeopleversuswork]

That's it really.

Lone-parent, completely financially self-sufficient, earn a reasonable salary, manage all my own household finances, keep my house in order, do a (generally) OK job of bringing my DD up and very happy as I am. I've always taken pride in not needing to have a bloke around for everything.

The flaw in my armour is I can't do DIY to save my life, other than most basic stuff: home maintenance/changing plugs and lightbulbs/basic screwdriver work. The idea of DIY simultaneously bores me stupid and terrifies me: if I see an Ikea flatpack assembly manual it brings me out in a cold sweat and even if I apply myself to it I literally cannot grasp what needs to be done. To my shame I end up asking either my boyfriend or a more practically-minded girlfriend to help or paying someone else to do it.

Does this make me a complete sell-out or is it OK to just be shit at some "male" jobs? For a long time I've shrugged it off but now feel vaguely embarrassed that I can't do these basic jobs. Trouble is I have very little spare time and find it so uninteresting I can't bring myself to be arsed.

Tough one. DD and I pride ourselves on our facility with an Allen key and an electric screwdriver and do indeed see it as a point of feminist pride (also it’s fun).

OTOH I’m a disastrously poor driver and delegate everything to do with cars to DH, so I know that all of us have to acknowledge our weak points. In your position I’d rely heavily on practically minded girlfriends rather than random people with Y chromosomes - that way you’re not being crap at DIY because you’re a girl, you just happen to be personally lacking in flat pack talent.

Nah you are not a sell out at all, we all have our strengths and weaknesses, it would be a boring world if we didn't!
I love Ikea flatpack! We had an Ikea kitchen 9 years ago and I loved putting it altogether. DH did about a 3rd of what I did because he was so slow and reading the instructions for each one (they were the same!!!) but I haven't a clue about technology so he takes care of that.
It's about playing to your strengths in life not living by labels

No - some blokes are useless at assembling flat pack furniture too, so there's no particular reason you need to be good at it.
If you always asked a bloke rather than a woman to help you, that'd be sexist.

There are some items which need physical strength or size to manage - and others where smaller hands can be an advantage.

No. I can do it but it stresses me out. Lone parent work full time I do a lot of strong independent women stuff but honestly paying someone to do all those odd jobs around my house was a life saver and he did it all in a third of the time I could have done it in.

My mum was far more capable than my dad at doing DIY, so it’s not for lack of strong woman influence in my life, I just am no good. It’s worth the money spent.

I really struggle with DIY and flat pack stuff. I watch YouTube videos of tutorials, I carefully read the instructions and have all the tools...but it’s like I get a brain fog! I can’t visualise how it all comes together.

Eventually I can get them done but it takes me a long time, and sometimes I’ve screwed parts on backwards etc first time round.

I don’t think it’s a woman thing, just a me thing!

No. My DH is hopeless at it and regularly requires assistance because he refuses to actually acknowledge the existence of instructions, let alone read them.

He will then enlist the 'help' of FIL who then does exactly the same thing.

Have you tried putting on dungarees or overalls on before you start? I find that really helps.

Flat pack is like a 3D jigsaw puzzle.
If you have rubbish spatial awareness you are likely to find it hard.
Otherwise it is fine to 'outsource' jobs you don't want to do.

A read through of some Andrea Dworkin beforehand is a good motivator, I find.

Make sure you get your DC to watch and then help with DIY when they're old enough though, OP. The last things we got from IKEA are the table and chairs I'm using right now, DD assembled them when she was a teenager.

I'm a feminist and can't drive and struggle with flat pack furniture. I also can't follow google maps very easily.

I've never been diagnosed but I'm pretty sure I have dyspraxia. At primary school the teachers told my parents to get my eyes checked as I kept walking into furniture. Even with glasses I still walk into furniture! It also took me a really long time to learn to pour liquids (eg, juice into a cup) and if I have a particularly heavy dish I ask DH to take it in and out of the oven.

I'm a good baker, and can do basic sewing though which require as much skill as DIY though.

The most painful experience of flat pack was being in the house when my FIL assembled the desks he bought for DDs. A few days after that, DH and I got a Kallax to turn into a bar. (3x4). As soon as I saw him eyeing it up I pretty much chucked him out the house with DDs and their scooters and set to it. I was very relieved DH got home before they returned to do the screw tightening. I'm not too proud to admit I can assemble the stuff, but need DH to get it very tight.

My eldest DD would be awesome with flat pack, her brain seems wired that way... We got her an electronics kit for Christmas, aimed at 10+, (she's 9) and she's complained it's far to easy. Probably an unstealth boast, but with being dyslexic and uncoordindinated, we like to 'big up' some victories for her.

Thanks all. the actual work itself (putting screws in etc) is fine: the bit I can't do for the life of me is follow the manuals. I find it really hard to visualise how things are supposed to fit together etc.

I'm also really bad at spatial awareness etc and wonder if its connected.

I would like to get better at it but its also a trade-off with time: it makes no sense for me to buy something I need to assemble in the knowledge that in a best-case scenario it will take me 72 hours to do it and would take a more able person less than a third of that time.

I'm pretty good at spatial awareness - a lot of diagrams are crap. And then If some of the machining is off you can think you're doing something wrong when you're not.

@ErrolTheDragon

I'm pretty good at spatial awareness - a lot of diagrams are crap. And then If some of the machining is off you can think you're doing something wrong when you're not.

This is true and Ikea ones seem to be particularly hard to follow. But a lot of people seem to be able to get past this whereas I lose my bottle and give up!

I can do DIY and positively love a flat pack. Wouldn't call myself a feminist though.

I think the issue is that practical things like DIY are associated with masculinity. Men and women can be good or bad at DIY, it doesn’t matter, what needs to change is the association with men.

What I mean is you don’t have to be good at DIY to be a feminist, you just need to believe that being female doesn’t mean someone can’t be good at DIY.

Not being able to DIY doesn't stop you from being a feminist, classifying jobs as male or female might though.

Putting together flat pack furniture has nothing to do with feminism and very little to do with spatial awareness. An average seven year old could put together flat pack. It is just big lego. It is really just a confidence thing.

Know your strengths. I'm shit at it.

It's got fuck all to do with feminism.

I have dyspraxia and it runs in the family - my mum is awful. I grew up with the most wonky furniture she'd grimly struggled to sort out. I am actually not so awful - I can do simple stuff if you give me long enough to figure it out - but it takes me ages.

I just sub it all out to my DP. DP also takes out the bins and mows the lawn and puts petrol in the car. I can do these things, but it's more natural and easy for DP to do them. In return I do the ironing and most of the washing up, and I do things like buying flowers and keeping the house nice.

We're both women.

I was never so delighted as when I realised lesbianism was a thing for me, as when I understood it meant I could honestly admit I'm shit at some chores and would rather sub them out.

@Stripesnomore

Putting together flat pack furniture has nothing to do with feminism and very little to do with spatial awareness. An average seven year old could put together flat pack. It is just big lego. It is really just a confidence thing.

There speaks someone who's never had the horrifying experience of not being your average seven year old.

I hate it. My first IKEA flat pack experience scarred me for life. I couldn’t work out why the furniture pieces didn’t match the instructions. Took the piece back to Ikea and it turned out the holes were drilled in the wrong place!

What has not being average got to do with it? Obviously some people can’t do it just as some people can’t walk or see.

But for the average person it is just a matter of confidence. Some people have been undermined, made to feel useless, made to feel it is some arcane art. It is not however an essential life skill. You can get by just fine in life without ever buying flat pack.