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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dread what clothes boyfriend buys me

74 replies

Thfate · 29/12/2020 14:06

I appreciate everything boyfriend buys me and he does try his best and I know he puts a lot of thought in. We have been together almost 2 years.

I love dresses, and I am mostly in dresses and tights.

I am 4'11 and a size 6 so generally shop in the petite section. I know what style of clothes suit my body. I tend to wear dresses which above the knee.

However, boyfriend got me 2 dresses for my birthday. These dresses were a size 8 (which is fine if a certain style) but they were clearly made for taller women. One was a wrap dress which when i tried on fell off my shoulders and I looked like a child playing dress up. The other was a vintage-style dress which also drowned me. If an average height female wore it, it'd be above the knees but to me it was too long. And it couldnt pass as a maxi as the style was clearly not a maxi.

Anyway I told him they were too big but he said put a belt on and itd be fine so I agreed. I still havent worn them.

Anyway, at christmas, I opened 2 more dresses. They were absolutely lovely, size 6 but the problem was that once again they were dresses clearly made for taller girls.
They were from quite posh, expensive brands aswell. I usually shop in miss selfridges, new look etc. whose clothes can fit well on 'tiny' people too.

When I tried them on, he told me I looked lovely and I broke down crying (stupid i know). I wasnt blubbering but just tearful. And i just explained to him that when i try on dresses like this it emphasises how small i am (my height is an insecurity) and that i hate feeling i'm not being appreciative but these dresses you buy me just dont fit my body. And he spends loads on one dress.

I kept them to see if i can make them work as he didnt have the receipts but i look at them and want to wear them because i know he put effort into picking them but i know i'd look ridiculous in them.

OP posts:
Vitaminsss · 29/12/2020 14:08

Someone average height probably won’t be able to relate to this, especially a man. I would tell him for future reference to not buy dresses, to buy from the petite section, or give you the gift receipt.

Surely he knows now that this can’t continue, hasn’t he seen you in the oversized dresses?

LividLover · 29/12/2020 14:09

You need to tell him you appreciate the thought but you’d really prefer to choose your own clothes, so either he can go shopping with you or get you a voucher.

Is he kind in other ways or is there a controlling reason he’s choosing your clothes?

Vitaminsss · 29/12/2020 14:09

Maybe you can get the dresses tailored?

Balaur · 29/12/2020 14:10

Can you get them altered?

Vitaminsss · 29/12/2020 14:10

At his expense that isGrin

Pollypocket89 · 29/12/2020 14:11

It's not a nice present if he knew your reaction to the first time...

Wingedharpy · 29/12/2020 14:12

"Don't buy me any clothes DB. I prefer to choose my own as I know what suits me and what I'm comfortable wearing".
Job done.

Nomoresleeps · 29/12/2020 14:12

Why is he buying you dresses? I’ve never had a partner buy me clothes. It’s impossible to get the right size if you are buying for someone else or it can mean they are trying to get you to wear what they want you to wear (controlling.)

Does he buy you other things as well?

electronVolt · 29/12/2020 14:14

I’ve always been of the opinion that you don’t but clothes as a gift for grownups, UNLESS you take them with you when you buy.

Clothes are so personal, I’m fussy about the feel of a fabric, so even relatives who can call my style perfectly don’t always get that bit right.

Tell him you are selling them on eBay, and insist that if he is so keen to buy clothes, you have to be there to try stuff on.

Tbh it sounds like he’s imposing his taste on you, and not in a Good way. I’d be wary of that.

coldwaterfeed · 29/12/2020 14:16

YANBU. How did he react when you cried?

I’m 5’2” and I wear the petite range! It just be harder for you at 4’9”. He sounds a bit thick to be honest. Can’t he see the dresses don’t look right?

Just tell him never to buy you clothes again. If he does it a third time then you know he is not going to change.

thedevilinablackdress · 29/12/2020 14:18

Would you like them if they were tailored to fit?
If not, you need to tell him they just don't work for you.

Original poster
Thfate · 29/12/2020 14:21

He is lovely and his other presents were amazing - pictures of us, an ornament of something I collect. I think he means well with the dresses as he always sees me in dresses. But yes, i think i need a word with him.
Like i said, my height has always been my main insecurity and these dresses just further emphasise it.

He couldn't understand why I wasn't happy since the dresses were size 6. So I explained to him that female clothes are not that simple.

So I put one of my miss selfridge size 6 dresses next to the size 6 dress from this brand he bought from (I never heard of it but it's a designery brand) and he was shocked at the difference. The miss selfridge dress looked child size next to the one he bought.
And I told him that I dont want him spending £60 on one dress when i really only spend £15-£20 on my dresses. Hoping he understood but i was worried o came across bitchy

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 29/12/2020 14:24

When I want to buy my daughter something to wear (in lockdown) I tell her I want to get her something and then we both look online, choose something, she says which size she wants and then I pay. He's being silly if he thinks he can buy you dresses that will fit, when history has proven he can't.

Sn0tnose · 29/12/2020 14:25

i know he put effort into picking them He didn’t really though, did he? The first time he got your dress size wrong, the second time he’s not even considered the length. He’s told you to use a belt, he’s not kept the receipts and it doesn’t sound like you got much of a reaction when you got upset.

Putting effort in would have been taking you window shopping, or asking where you like to shop, or looking at the labels in your clothes, or asking one of your friends. All he’s done is chuck money at the issue.

ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 29/12/2020 14:28

I think he sounds like an arse who didn’t get the hint the first time if you’d like to keep him around your going to have to be like blunt
Not having the receipts shouldn’t be an issue for returning you just get store credit and he’s weird for telling you to wear something you don’t like. Is he controlling in other ways? He just doesn’t sound bothered

Original poster
Thfate · 29/12/2020 14:30

I've also had body issues in the past too -
I was on watch for anorexia and the past year I have overcome it and gone from a size 4 to a size 6.
The past year i've been telling him i've gained weight and it has been triggering for me when my size 4 jeans didn't fit and dresses but I am now getting used to the weight gain and eating more.

So i'm not sure if me talking about the weight gain was the reason he goes for these dresses? No idea. But my mum does the same as another poster - she asks me what dresses/style I wear and asks for screenshots of things I like and then surprises me with which ones she actually gets.

OP posts:
Sheleg · 29/12/2020 14:33

Just tell him not to buy you clothes. I've personally never had a partner buy my clothes.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 29/12/2020 14:35

I would be very upset too Op....i have made it very clear to my current partner and previous ones to not buy me clothing for birthdays or christmas. ..it is way too personal and i have specific tastes....i also like to choose jewellery...handbags etc for the same reason.

sbhydrogen · 29/12/2020 14:38

Go to a tailor and get them altered. It'll cost £20 or so, and then they'll look good on you.

Unless of course you don't like the style, but I'd give it a go at least. Maybe start with just one. I get my clothes altered all the time because otherwise they don't fit.

AlwaysCheddar · 29/12/2020 14:39

He sounds quite controlling.

Jollibeezus · 29/12/2020 14:41

How old are you OP? You should be able to talk about these things to your partner without seeming ungrateful.

I would have told him to not buy me dresses after the first time. Or better yet, to take me shopping instead so I can pick out stuff I like.

bridgetreilly · 29/12/2020 14:41

I agree it would be worth seeing if these dresses could be altered, but you also need to make it clear to him that in the future he shouldn’t buy clothes for you. He could get vouchers, jewellery, accessories or whatever, but clothes are too complicated and personal in taste.

bridgetreilly · 29/12/2020 14:43

I also really think that women’s clothes sizes are a mystery to most of us, and I don’t think it’s a sign of him being an arse or controlling just because a man is struggling to grasp the complexities of it. I think he is trying.

littlebirdworrying · 29/12/2020 14:49

I think you need to be clear and say you'd prefer he didn't buy you clothes. My boyfriend asked me before Christmas what size I am, but I told him straight away I would prefer he didn't buy me clothes as I vary from brand to brand and I prefer to buy what I know suits me. It might come across blunt, but it saves problems later when he's spent money on things that I can't wear. My boyfriend was totally cool with me being upfront and got me perfume and trainers that I love!

2020isalmosthindsight · 29/12/2020 14:52

Just ask him not to buy you clothes OR tell him if he really wants to buy you dresses since he knows you love them, you need to be involved in the selection.