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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To dread what clothes boyfriend buys me

74 replies

Thfate · 29/12/2020 14:06

I appreciate everything boyfriend buys me and he does try his best and I know he puts a lot of thought in. We have been together almost 2 years.

I love dresses, and I am mostly in dresses and tights.

I am 4'11 and a size 6 so generally shop in the petite section. I know what style of clothes suit my body. I tend to wear dresses which above the knee.

However, boyfriend got me 2 dresses for my birthday. These dresses were a size 8 (which is fine if a certain style) but they were clearly made for taller women. One was a wrap dress which when i tried on fell off my shoulders and I looked like a child playing dress up. The other was a vintage-style dress which also drowned me. If an average height female wore it, it'd be above the knees but to me it was too long. And it couldnt pass as a maxi as the style was clearly not a maxi.

Anyway I told him they were too big but he said put a belt on and itd be fine so I agreed. I still havent worn them.

Anyway, at christmas, I opened 2 more dresses. They were absolutely lovely, size 6 but the problem was that once again they were dresses clearly made for taller girls.
They were from quite posh, expensive brands aswell. I usually shop in miss selfridges, new look etc. whose clothes can fit well on 'tiny' people too.

When I tried them on, he told me I looked lovely and I broke down crying (stupid i know). I wasnt blubbering but just tearful. And i just explained to him that when i try on dresses like this it emphasises how small i am (my height is an insecurity) and that i hate feeling i'm not being appreciative but these dresses you buy me just dont fit my body. And he spends loads on one dress.

I kept them to see if i can make them work as he didnt have the receipts but i look at them and want to wear them because i know he put effort into picking them but i know i'd look ridiculous in them.

OP posts:

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 29/12/2020 14:56

For those suggesting alterations - it really depends on the style and what needs altered. It's not always a quick turn up or a couple of darts, it can be a full recut to keep the shape of the bodice etc. And that's not cheap. It's also not a solution to a partner not paying attention to what the OP says.

Don't keep things that you won't wear, OP. Shops will offer credit or a swap if you have no receipt (not legally obliged to but many do as goodwill) so get in touch with them and see what they offer. He really has no idea what he is doing if he thinks an oversized dress can be fixed with a belt or he doesn't even see it not fitting.

HotSince63 · 29/12/2020 14:56

Birthday dresses - I told him they were too big but he said put a belt on and itd be fine so I agreed

Christmas dresses - I kept them to see if i can make them work as he didnt have the receipts

Bullshit he didn't have the receipts.

He's trying to make you wear what he wants you to wear.

Bundle the 4 dresses up, stick em in a bag and give them to him - "Boyfriend these don't fit me. You might want to sell them on EBay and try and get some of your money back seeing as you didn't keep any of the receipts . Please don't buy me clothes in future, I know what suits me and what doesn't and I'd hate you to waste any more money".

strawberry2017 · 29/12/2020 14:59

Is it possible he's going it on purpose because he wants you to be more covered up? Maybe he doesn't like the above the knee ones?
Could it be a way of controlling what you are wearing?

CrotchBurn · 29/12/2020 15:03

Why are so many people in your life buying your dresses?

I find that weird especially when these people are close to you (mum, boyfriend) and know you have body issues. What's up with that?

I've had lingerie and a silk kimono thing from partner and a jumper from my mum. I dont think either of them would ever consider buying me dresses because they just feel more...personal

CanofCant · 29/12/2020 15:05

Yeah this doesn't sound great OP. He seems very dismissive of what you are repeatedly telling him. 'Put a belt on'?!

1forAll74 · 29/12/2020 15:09

I would think it very odd for a man to buy dresses for a girlfriend, its not like some accessories etc, clothes are a personal thing. I have never really heard of this before, well except for those men who go and buy some unsuitable underwear for their partners !

SosYourFace · 29/12/2020 15:12

I’m fussy with clothes too, dh just gets a voucher now or takes me shopping. Just talk to each other, it’s not going to cause any offence.

2bazookas · 29/12/2020 15:12

Just tell him to please NOT buy clothes for you.
I had to tell my husband that about 50 years ago. He's a kind man and and I'm not a fussy dresser. Back then he worked abroad a lot and would bring me back some ladygarment present from Indonesia or China that just wasn't appropriate for the physical or social climate of the rural Highlands. Even if it fitted, which thank god they never did.

OldBean2 · 29/12/2020 15:25

Firstly, well done for explaining to him why they do not work for you... I am 5'1 1/2" tall and know a little of your pain. By all means go and speak to a dressmaker but I think this is not just going to be a lift the hem job, the bodice and sleeves will also need to be adjusted, so see if this would be appropriate.

As he no longer has the receipt, then put them on Ebay, wait a month or two until people have more money and pop them up there or use a local frock exchange and use the money to buy something that fits. If he still wants to buy you clothes, point him in the direction of some good sites that he can use and make a couple of suggestions, because even if he gets it wrong you will be able to return them.

Finally well done on the weight gain, that's a huge achievement and you should be thrilled with yourself.

TurquoiseDragon · 29/12/2020 15:40

@HotSince63

Birthday dresses - I told him they were too big but he said put a belt on and itd be fine so I agreed

Christmas dresses - I kept them to see if i can make them work as he didnt have the receipts

Bullshit he didn't have the receipts.

He's trying to make you wear what he wants you to wear.

I was thinking this as I read, too. Most people are not stupid enough to chuck away the receipts for things this expensive without knowing if they fit or not.

It might have been a possible accident the first time, but not the second.

When I tried them on, he told me I looked lovely

And he saw the OP in at least one dress, that should have looked wrong for OP's size and shape, and which she was unhappy about and he still didn't get it? Not likely, I don't believe that at all.

TurquoiseDragon · 29/12/2020 15:43

Sorry, I meant to add that he either still has the receipts and lied, or he deliberately chucked them away so that OP couldn't go and get refunds.

OP, you can still get clothes exchanged without a receipt. Either a straight exchange for other clothing or for store credit, since exchanges are common at Xmas.

GlowingOrb · 29/12/2020 15:46

He needs to stop buying you clothing. I’ve never understood why anyone buys clothing as a gift unless it’s something generic and shapeless like pajamas or was specifically requested by the recipient.

Heartofglass12345 · 29/12/2020 15:51

Oh my god I bought my husband a pair of trousers for Christmas am I controlling?? Maybe a couple of weeks before Christmas/ birthday you could send him a couple of dresses that you like or even some other stuff, and let him pick from that?

TitsInAbsentia · 29/12/2020 15:51

I'm wondering if he actually got them from a shop or if they were bnwt from ebay hence no receipt? OP are they current season/stock from the store/labels in question?

AnnaSW1 · 29/12/2020 16:13

It sounds easy to solve if you just tell him to only buy size six petite though.

rathertalktothecats · 29/12/2020 16:31

OP, in the nicest possible way, you are totally overreacting here. Husbands buy clothes for wives all the time. People come in all shapes and sizes. If something doesn’t fit, just ask him to exchange it or get a gift receipt. No drama needed whatsoever. My DH buys me all sorts to varying degrees of success, but I’ve never actually cried about the length of a dress that can be easily exchanged. It’s all fine. Even if you can’t exchange without a receipt, just give it to a friend or charity something.

MaskingForIt · 29/12/2020 16:35

Sorry, I meant to add that he either still has the receipts and lied, or he deliberately chucked them away so that OP couldn't go and get refunds.

Or stole them. He sounds creepy/intense enough.

Cocomarine · 29/12/2020 16:44

Don’t get into apologising for your height being your insecurity.
Most women I know (actually - all!) do not like other people choosing clothes for them. It’s so personal.
It’s downright odd to not have the receipts. That smacks of him creating a reason not to return them. I wouldn’t even get into it about the receipts. Just give them back, tell him they’re not you’re style - and tell him that you don’t like having clothes bought for you.
If he’s a good man, there’ll be no issue for him hearing that.
You’re not a doll for him to dress.

Sittinginmyoodie · 29/12/2020 16:46

My DH 'bought' me two dresses for Christmas from a shop I like. He sent me the money and I ordered the ones I wanted in the sizes I wanted.

I'm also short, I need petite in trousers, but not always dresses. I take different sizes between different shops and need wide fitting boots. DH knows better now than to try and buy anything without consulting me.

I think this is being made into a bigger thing than it needs to be. You have your own insecurities about your body and are obviously projecting a lot of that into the clothes not fitting. It also sounds like you don't want to upset him by just telling him the truth. All you need to do is say, you appreciate the thought behind it. But please don't buy anymore clothes. If he wants to treat you, tell him to give you vouchers or money to choose yourself.

HyacynthBucket · 29/12/2020 16:49

Lots of shops and websites are giving longer than usual to return or exchange goods over Christmas. Could you contact the seller and explain that these were Xmas gifts (so no receipt) but the wrong size, and ask if you could swap them for the same styles in petite size. They would have to be quite rigid and unreasonable not to consider the request sympathetically. Try and do it on the phone to someone who understands the problem.

Givingitamiss · 29/12/2020 16:53

I really wouldn't be going and getting them altered. It's telling him you are fine with this and you actually aren't.

Godimabitch · 29/12/2020 17:07

Definitely get them tailored. They'll look better than anything else once they've been tailored to fit you perfectly. Sounds like he's got the point that his choice of dresses aren't suitable.

Devillishlypicklypickles · 29/12/2020 17:08

YANBU. I would tell him not to buy you clothes in the future, I'm 5ft tall and I only ever get dresses in petite sizes or they just don't fit right, its not just the length of the hem but the sleeves and everything else too and I never buy anything without trying it on first. It shouldn't be that hard for him to understand surely? People don't often buy me clothes as gifts but when they do they always tell me they've kept the receipt in case I need to change it because they know I'm a weirdly shaped little hobbit!

WhereamI88 · 29/12/2020 17:16

Very weird and controlling. I bet he is either stealing them or buying them super cheap from ebay or a charity shop. Buying clothes that don't fit you and you can't exchange is not a thoughtful gift, it's the exact opposite. What a way to make someone feel shit.

GabsAlot · 29/12/2020 17:18

im 5ft so i know how you feel op

my dh learnt right from the start not to attempt to buy me clothes as a surprise youre going to have to spell it out straight he cant buy you clothes unless youre with him

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