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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To dread what clothes boyfriend buys me

74 replies

Thfate · 29/12/2020 14:06

I appreciate everything boyfriend buys me and he does try his best and I know he puts a lot of thought in. We have been together almost 2 years.

I love dresses, and I am mostly in dresses and tights.

I am 4'11 and a size 6 so generally shop in the petite section. I know what style of clothes suit my body. I tend to wear dresses which above the knee.

However, boyfriend got me 2 dresses for my birthday. These dresses were a size 8 (which is fine if a certain style) but they were clearly made for taller women. One was a wrap dress which when i tried on fell off my shoulders and I looked like a child playing dress up. The other was a vintage-style dress which also drowned me. If an average height female wore it, it'd be above the knees but to me it was too long. And it couldnt pass as a maxi as the style was clearly not a maxi.

Anyway I told him they were too big but he said put a belt on and itd be fine so I agreed. I still havent worn them.

Anyway, at christmas, I opened 2 more dresses. They were absolutely lovely, size 6 but the problem was that once again they were dresses clearly made for taller girls.
They were from quite posh, expensive brands aswell. I usually shop in miss selfridges, new look etc. whose clothes can fit well on 'tiny' people too.

When I tried them on, he told me I looked lovely and I broke down crying (stupid i know). I wasnt blubbering but just tearful. And i just explained to him that when i try on dresses like this it emphasises how small i am (my height is an insecurity) and that i hate feeling i'm not being appreciative but these dresses you buy me just dont fit my body. And he spends loads on one dress.

I kept them to see if i can make them work as he didnt have the receipts but i look at them and want to wear them because i know he put effort into picking them but i know i'd look ridiculous in them.

OP posts:

Iwonder08 · 29/12/2020 17:20

I doubt that boyfriend would buy OP clothes ever again anyway given that she cried after trying them on..
And ffs, it is not controlling or abusive to buy someone clothes in what they thought was their size. Maybe he is not a cutely aware (until now) about OP's various issues and insecurities.. She wears dresses, he bought her nice dresses..
OP, maybe rather than creating a lot of drama tell him explicitly you have a particular preference for certain brands and always want to chose them yourselves. Tell him what you've told us, how you liked his other presents

MintyMabel · 29/12/2020 17:21

to buy from the petite section

I’m 5ft. Clothes from the petite section are too long for me.

Your mistake OP, was not putting your foot down the first time. Just tell him you’d rather he didn’t buy you clothes.

I actually find the idea of one partner buying clothes for the other a bit control freaky.

Nomoresleeps · 29/12/2020 18:58

I don’t think many husbands buy their wives clothes ‘all the time.’ And certainly not clothes they have never seen before or tried on and asked for. My exh never bought me clothes nor did any previous boyfriend.

It’s not even particularly about your size I don’t think op. Most of us are not a standard size across different shops. When I buy stuff online I rarely find anything that fits properly and send most of it back.

ChippyChickenChips · 30/12/2020 08:15

I don’t think many husbands buy their wives clothes ‘all the time
I agree. I think it's pretty unusual tbh. My husband has only ever once bought me clothing. I saw a jumper I loved in a shop and told him "It's a shame they don't have this in my size. If they'd had it in a 12 I'd have bought it right now" He found one in another branch and I was really pleased. He couldn't go far wrong with that though could he? He'd never buy random stuff though. Too risky.

Sinful8 · 30/12/2020 08:19

@Thfate

He is lovely and his other presents were amazing - pictures of us, an ornament of something I collect. I think he means well with the dresses as he always sees me in dresses. But yes, i think i need a word with him. Like i said, my height has always been my main insecurity and these dresses just further emphasise it.

He couldn't understand why I wasn't happy since the dresses were size 6. So I explained to him that female clothes are not that simple.

So I put one of my miss selfridge size 6 dresses next to the size 6 dress from this brand he bought from (I never heard of it but it's a designery brand) and he was shocked at the difference. The miss selfridge dress looked child size next to the one he bought.
And I told him that I dont want him spending £60 on one dress when i really only spend £15-£20 on my dresses. Hoping he understood but i was worried o came across bitchy

Do you think he's too used to mens clothes where there's less "sizes" and more just measurements

Emeraldshamrock · 30/12/2020 08:21

Bring them back without receipts.
I wouldn't trust DP to buy me clothing maybe a jacket he wouldn't have a clue it is all the little things material, shape, length.
I'm small too, a little taller, I only buy petite in jackets/tops.
Insist he gets you a voucher or buys from the petite range.
Yanbu.

TammyTwoSwanson · 30/12/2020 08:23

Tell him not to buy you clothes anymore. My DH knows not to buy me clothes. They're a really personal thing

Emeraldshamrock · 30/12/2020 08:30

I hate even guessing sizes example Christmas gift pyjama sets, I won't buy them I've heard a sharp tounge when a person buys another a bigger size then they usually wear.
I only buy clothing for DC.

Eckhart · 30/12/2020 08:36

Unless he thinks he has some sort of right to dress you, I don't understand why you think there'd be a problem with telling him you appreciate the effort and the thought, but you need to choose your own clothes.

This isn't a clothing/present problem. You have an issue with not making your wants and needs heard in your relationship.

What do you fear will happen if you tell him?

Eckhart · 30/12/2020 08:40

He couldn't understand why I wasn't happy since the dresses were size 6. So I explained to him that female clothes are not that simple

Does he often challenge you when you tell him how you feel? This is the concern, I think. If someone responds disrespectfully when you tell them how you feel, you stop wanting to tell them how you feel. At the very least, the example above shows that he has preconceived ideas about what you should feel. That's not very healthy, as evidenced by the unpleasant feeling you have now.

TheListeners · 30/12/2020 08:40

Buying clothes for men is so much easier because of the proper sizing. You can get trousers in all combinations of waist and length. A lot of their tops have much less of a cut - I can safely buy a hoody for DS or DH.

Women's clothing is nothing like this. I expect your boyfriend just hasn't experienced this. I can't imagine buying clothing for another woman the chances of me getting it right are slim to none. Don't feel upset just tell him not to buy clothes again. Do keep an eye on other behaviours though - his buying you clothes could be a red flag.

SameToo · 30/12/2020 08:52

Tell him to stop. My DH has an awful habit of buying clothes for me that are his taste not mine and are very expensive. I sent the last lot back. I find it rude that he doesn’t see they are not my style at all, or that he does see that and doesn’t care.

fourandnomore · 30/12/2020 08:54

My husband bought me clothes a few times early on in our relationship and genuinely tried to get it right by looking at my other clothes etc but he had never bought women’s clothes before so had no idea about sizing differences, lengths etc. I am the opposite in that only tall stuff will even sometimes fit so the first was a beautiful pair of jeans which I couldn’t get up my legs and ended half way down my calves. I cried too! Only because they were genuinely gorgeous and it brought up my height insecurities and he was horrified it upset me but I explained and he’s never bought me trousers again. I honestly think this is nothing to be worried about in terms of control as it’s all a learning curve but as so many people have already said just say you prefer choosing clothes yourself because it’s tough getting the right fit for women. Suggest something else he could buy you - shoes, bags, perfume, earrings etc if you’re happy to.

Eckhart · 30/12/2020 09:06

this is nothing to be worried about in terms of control

I think it is, but not in terms of having a controlling partner. More that OP is too unwilling to state her needs/wants, and therefore is very open to being controlled. This attitude of preferring not to state your feelings leads to uncomfortable situations. Which is why OP is feeling the need to post on MN, when really what needs to happen is that she gently tells her partner how she feels.

geekone · 30/12/2020 09:27

Only on MN would buying clothes definitely be controlling. My DH buys me clothes every Christmas and he’s much better at thinking differently than I am and he has great taste. Other than gym trousers he stays away from trousers because of the odd sizing trousers have.
I also buy him clothes every year too am I also controlling? Does our double controlling ness cancel each other out?

OP you need to be strong. If they have tags send them back or sell them on eBay. Likely he bought them online so receipts will be by email. Give them to him and say you very much appreciate the sentiment but they are just not for you and let him deal with it. How he deals with it is the mark of a good person/man. My DH happily sends stuff back if I don’t like it and then I buy something of a similar cost. It doesn’t happen often he has good taste.

rookiemere · 30/12/2020 09:28

I think it's odd that after buying dresses once that were clearly not a hit gift as never worn and recipient expressed concern about the sizing, he went on to buy more for your Christmas gift.

You need to be more explicit with him. Next time a present buying opportunity comes up ask him not to buy you dresses as they are so personal and hard for another person to get right. For the current ones I'd ask if he has the receipts so you can change them.

Aprilx · 30/12/2020 09:37

You just need to tell him to not buy you clothes. I must admit I buy clothes for DH, but I find men’s sizing is rather more generic and it is straightforward to get the fit correct. DH wouldn’t dream of buying clothes for me.

Shoxfordian · 30/12/2020 09:42

Buying clothes isn’t, in itself, controlling

Op you need to stand up for yourself more, those dresses will not be ok with a belt so tell him that they don’t fit

speakout · 30/12/2020 09:44

Just ask him not to buy you clothes as a gift.

Am I missing something?

sillysmiles · 30/12/2020 10:06

Who buys clothes for people as gifts and doesn't keep the receipt?? Or insists that they "put a belt on it".
That, to me, seems odd.

If there is no receipt and you feel uncomfortable wearing them and given your body issues it's important you feel good in what you wear, then just sell the dresses. Especially if they are designer/expensive.

There is no point in you keeping them if they make you feel shit to wear them.

mollypuss1 · 30/12/2020 10:13

@WhereamI88

Very weird and controlling. I bet he is either stealing them or buying them super cheap from ebay or a charity shop. Buying clothes that don't fit you and you can't exchange is not a thoughtful gift, it's the exact opposite. What a way to make someone feel shit.

Bloody hell, but of a leap to accuse him of being a thief!

GoldfishParade · 30/12/2020 10:15

OP seems to have left the building.

Was this just about talking about being a size 6 or something?

greenlynx · 30/12/2020 10:20

You should tell him not to buy you any clothes, politely but without any drama. It’s not that something wrong with you, no, people prefer to buy their own clothes and this is normal, I would say the opposite is less common.
People raised a lot of valid concern on this thread. His suggestion “just to put on a belt” was really strange, and his second attempt to buy you dresses, and your insecurities in communication with him and that you are inclined to be controlled a bit. So I would watch out for the future.
By the way, I can’t buy my DD anything apart from socks without trying it on. No way my DH would be able to buy my clothes, in my case even socks. I buy for him but he’s got particular preferences I always follow, I keep receipts and tbh more than half goes back to shops for refund. It’s never emotional affair, it’s just that I’m in charge of online shopping in my family.

londongirl12 · 30/12/2020 10:35

If they still have the labels on, you might be able to exchange them. Even if the clothes from that shop doesn't fit, they might do accessories, bags, shoes?

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