to get upset when MIL talks about taking DS to their house,

[slimbyxmas]

they live 3.5 hours drive away. Every time she visits ( sometimes unannounced for the weekend!)she asks my DS in front of me, " oh you will soon visit us on your own, daddy can just drive you and we will meet him halfway." I am still BF him could no more let him go for a weekend than cut my leg off!! Does anyone have any tips on how to handle these types of pointed comments, thanks.

Just ignore and resolve in your mind not to do it.

She's probably just so excited at the thought of having him all to herself. Just reply saying yes when he is older. Then she won't be offended and gets the idea that it wont be happening soon. Especially if you are BF he can't go off for a weekend, but when he's older it could be nice occassionally for you and dh to spend a weekend together

can't you just speak to her and tell her it can't happen whilst you are bf. surely at sometime it will be nice.
how old is your ds?

I always say..but DD doesn't know you, you never fucking bother and then expect to be able to have her when it suits you and she is still so young"

Well, that's what I want to say. Instead, I'm sweetness personified and say "hmmm maybe when she's older"

She can say what she likes. If you don't want it to happen, it won't happen.

I know how it feels to think that other people are making decisions for you just after you've had a baby. My MIL was talking about weaning my son herself and I got really upset because she was bullying me into doing what she thought was best.

You must remember that he is your DS. You make the decisions now because you are the parent. MIL has no right. She's had her turn. If you don't want DS to stay away overnight until he's ten then that's entirely your choice. Don't feel like that anyone can make these decisions on your behalf.

He is 7 months old, I know that one day I won't mind these type of comments as much but at the moment it just bring out the primal protective mother in me. I can't imagine it being ok until he is 3 maybe 4, I think she thinks as soon as I stop BF it will be open season.

Is your DS a new baby? Forgot to add that new mums often feel out of control after having a new baby - hormones, time of massive adjustment etc so anyone coming in and suggesting things can create panic and upset where it normally wouldn't because you're not yet confident and sure of yourself.

Lol, that's actually what I say to my mum gibbon! Not as I don't want her to go stay but as she takes my nephew every saturday so my brother can have a social life and expects me not to get annoyed that she only wants to take my dd once a month if shes lucky
This week she keeps phoning 'i'll be in the house all day'.......well so will I so get your finger out if you want to see her woman.

thanks Winky. why do MILs do this when they must know how it will be received?? To be fair she put her foot right in it when DS was 3 days old saying to him of course " oh you will just have to come home with me, I will go to the chemist and get a big tin of formula and we will be just fine!!"

thats awful! I only managed to breastfeed for a few days tbh but it was my own decision (nobody at home to help out as dp didnt get leave and I was so exhausted bf every hour). But I know how hard it is and how easy it would be for comments like that to hurt when you are trying so hard

Erm - why can't she get excited about having her grandson for a weekend? I completely see why she can't yet, but once you've finished bf there's no real reason why she can't is there? I think you're lucky to have a MIl who wants to give you a break.

OTH - she's turning up unnanounced when she's 3.5hours away? Get dh to nip that in teh bud straightaway. He can be polite, but you need notice (and for you to agree) when people are going to descend, esp. if they expect to stay. Next time she arives I would honestly say that you had already arranged to go away fro the wekend yourslef and where just about to leave - and then leave - even if you have to beg a freind to have you.

luckily BF was going ok but it was more the idea that anyone would say oh I want to take your baby away that blew my mind. I know she would just love me to disappear and then she could have free reign. I think she wants to be the mum iyswim

ignore and smile, ignore and smile - continue for 14 years - then move farer away.

I am not opposed to the idea of him visiting when he is older at all, It just seems so premature at the mo.

Slimby, I think it's rather sad that you feel this way, but I understand what it's like with a new baby. Modern society is very different than it was. People are more insular, less family-orientated.

Give it a year or so, and you will be delighted that someone (hugely related, btw) is prepared to give you a weekend off.

Grandparents are very close family, whether they live nearby or not.

I think these things seem more raw when you have a small baby. I remember my MIL driving me insane with her trying to take over. However, now dcs are 10 and 11 and have gone with dh to stay for 2 days and it is lovely. She can do what she likes with them as long as I don't have to know.

I know how you feel re taking baby away comments.

They're basically saying your baby is lovely, i want him! But of course they can't take him away. On the other hand, you feel so vulnerable (I know I did for about a year) and worried and anxious about being a parent, you tend to take everything literally. It takes time to adjust. Be kind to yourself.

Your MIL sounds v. excited if a little insensitive. Let her spiel on about what she wants. You're the mum. It's up to you. Don't let her or anyone including on this thread (!) make you feel guilty. It's your time and you have to feel comfortable with your decisions.

I felt bullied and undermined a lot with my DS and I regret not sticking to my guns. I simply don't care now whether I'm unreasonable or not - it's my time with my new babies and the rest can bl**dy well lump it. New mums need the most care and consideration. I've seen enough friends put under pressure and PND as a result. Give yourself a break.

And all this talk about extended family, and how much better it was in the old days when grannies were nearby etc. I reckon new mums went absolutely bonkers with the interference!

Grandparents are close relatives but it doesn't mean they can't show some sensitivity. Clamouring to take a new born away and give him formula is very very odd.

ignore and smile, will def do that, although I do seem to have one of those faces that cannot lie, I can see my expression must look a little forced at times.It is a strange relationship the inlaw one. I suppose you are so used to your own families little strange little ways , but not the ILs

Winky, I'm sorry that you think grandparents interfere with your children.

Let's hope your kids don't feel the same way about you.

Just remember who is in charge here You hold all the cards! Do not be intimidated; she can't possibly take him while you're bf anyway! Silly cow.